Realizing my mom has MPD

I'm writing about my mother having some variation or spectrum of Munchausen by Proxy Disorder (MPD). I say spectrum or variation because now the Psychology world is start to recognize that most psychiatric disorders do have a spectrum. While I'm not sure if my mom ever poisoned me, I did have early medical and psychological treatment, starting at the age of four.

The thing that I find confusing is, it's not that I didn't get sick or seem to have issues, but based on my Mom's over reaction to issues, its because of this that I think she has MPD. When I was in my teens I found out that my pediatrician fired my mom as a patient because he thought she was taking me to many doctors. I did have at least 5 doctors when I was about 12 years old, she started me in psychotherapy when I was four years old. I stayed in therapy all my childhood mostly for anxiety.

What scares me the most is, I wonder if MPD enabled my mom to not report the physical and sexual abuse that I was enduring from my father. He would strangle me in-front of her and my brother, but she wouldn't intervene and then I would goto therapy and she would act dumbfounded for why I was having anxiety. I wonder if this is something that fed her need for me to be in therapy and is one reason she never stopped my dad from physically and sexually abusing me.

I spent the majority of my life's therapy work healing from the sexual trauma, but now I realize that I haven't fully addressed the abuse from my mom. I have cut her out of my life, going on about 2 years now and this is the first time I've allowed myself to feel anger towards her. I'm angry that she didn't protect me from a child abusing husband, and that she claims to be an innocent victim claiming she didn't know it was going on, when I know that she at least knew about the physical abuse. I'm just starting to dive into my feelings about the medical abuse.

Some background on my mom is she isn't a nurse, but she's an Occupational Therapist. She was an OT in the medical field, diagnosing childhood head trauma and working with Autism. Her father was a physician and I know that my mom was very ill as a child, to the point that when she was 11 all her hair fell out. I read that some people that have MPD, might have suffered at the hands of someone who was MPD themselves, that could have her mother for all I know (she was diagnosed as being Bipolar with Psychotic episodes). It seemed fairly obvious that my mom received love and empathy from being ill as a child herself.

The most frustrating thing is that I did have some unusual medical/mental issues as a child. We discovered when I was 15 that I'm intersex, meaning not quite male or female. My mom was "thrilled" and she thought this explained everything. Granted her take on me being intersex was to force me to go through basically and unwanted sex change with hormones, and she wanted to cut my breasts off. I did have a lot of anxiety and depression growing up but looking back on the "mental issues" I had I think it was PTSD from living with my rapist. I never felt safe at home for the first 18 years of my life.

I guess the most frustrating thing is that it seems like I was born into family in which I was the scapegoat for not only sexual abuse but I was blamed for my anxiety by a mother who then went on to medically abuse me. I have horrible anxiety about anything healthcare related to this day. I'm just starting to remember some really strange events where I was treated for medical issues including my mom flying me to Mexico to get diagnosed with something that they weren't able to find in me, and being put on diets when I was really little, that my brother didn't have to endure.

It's feels creepy and sad, I guess I'm still trying to comprehend it all.

Yours is one is the saddest ones I have read here, and that is saying something.

Personally I would not classify your mum as MBP, but she certainly appears trapped in the terrible world you described. Why she did not just grab you and run ???

She looks like she tried to hide from reality by your "illness".

I believe that extreme stress has a very powerful influence on how we grow. Not just mental health but our genes, brain, bones, growth etc. It is medically cutting edge but I have read a bit on it and talked to others. It exists.

What you endured may have actually produced real health issues.

Thank you Terry for your thoughtful reply.

I ordered some books on MBP to help me get a clearer understanding of what it is and if I think my mom has it. Regardless, I hope that working on trying to understand (even though I probably won't ever understand) will help me with the healing process or clearing out this anger and rage.

There are things that she did behaviorally that seem to match MPB, there just isn't the poison aspect. She only ever gave me attention if I was ill or not doing well. If things in my adult life were going well, there was like no response from her. It was really strange. But who knows, sometimes crazy is just crazy.

I'm so sorry sagefusion for your horrific past. What a horrible battle zone it must of been for you. Very brave of you to search for healing to break free from the chains of the past.
I to am a sexual abuse victim with a mom that was not so stable. Although my story is much different then yours I to am trying to understand more about my moms condition. I connect with your story because my mom holds a lot of the same traits as MBP as well but I can't remember the poising part of it. I have a lot of memory blocks so I really don't know. But when I read what all these survivors feel and go through with the healing journey it really speaks loud for me. I'm just trying to understand it all and find a way to connect with others like me so I don't feel so alone in it all. It's bad enough that your past isolated you, abused you and messed with your head, now your left to make sence of it all and heal. So I guess I'm trying to say that I understand the complexity of a multifaceted journey. So many abuses that shatter us into different pieces. If find a connection and way to release pain through the connection then labels and spectrums don't matter. Makes sence?

Hi. to both Sagefusion and Missy this is booboo6451 I thank you for your posts I had a step daughter that I think has MBP I married her Dad when she was 16 and her Mom died of breast cancer she was very ill for a long time before she died. She died at age 41. So sad. He had been a widower 2 years before we got together. I am a nurse LPN I joke and say low paid nurse. When my step daughter was 16 she told me that the teacher thought she had seizures I asked her why thinking why didn't this teacher tell a parent. She ANGEL we will call her because that's what I thought of her at age 16, she said because I stared out the window so even though I thought this was something exaggerated I asked her Dad he said she use to be on tegrtol a seizure medicine so I had good insurance then so I took her to the University of Mich hospital and they even did a sleep study on her very though so the Neurology DR. came in to give us good news that he thought she never had a seizure she only fainted. Well she went off on the nice DR. humiliating me called him all kinds of names including a quack DR.He looked at me I shrugged my shoulders and followed her.