Adult survivors...

... I am an adult survivor of MBPS. My mother has it. I was abused by both parents growing up and have dealt with my father's abuse. I think that I am finally ready to deal with what my momther has done to me.

I found a journal of my mother's in my dad's things and by reading it, it made her seem like she was truly guilty for what she had been doing. I wonder if my therapy to deal with this will lead to me talking with her. I don't remember her from my childhood because I was doped up all the time. After reading that journal, she seemed so much more human and made me want to talk with her. I have no idea what her childhood was like, and I know that's what causes MBPS. I guess... I'd just like to know.

Has anyone else dealt with this?

A little background... I know it started when I was about 9 months old... I had a feveral seizure... she hung on to that and started suffocating me and then calling an ambulance saying that I had a seizure. She almost killed me a handful of times. I was on heavy narcotics, so I don't remember most of my childhood... well, that coupled with the abuse. My brothers remember absolutely everything (MBPS never touched them, really) but they don't want to talk about the horrifics. I really just want people that understand.

Hi

I am sorry to hear about what you have been through

I have moved this to the MSBP forum as I believe it is more appropriate there.

I hope things work out for you

Cracked

Hi ImACamp,

Sorry for taking so long to reply. I have to make sure to be in the right frame of mind when coming into this subforum.

Dealing with the past abuse is a long & hard process, not gonna lie. I've been in therapy for that one specific issue for about 2 years now. The residual problems it caused were addressed in treatment but they still linger.

ImACamp wrote: I have no idea what her childhood was like, and I know that's what causes MBPS. I guess... I'd just like to know.

I've heard so much bullcrap from my mom and her family to justify all the hurt she causes. Most of it sounds like total fabrications because nobody can "remember" the stuff happening except for my mom, but they believe her anyway because hey - why would she lie? Stuff like an abusive father (he was not abusive and took care of me often as a child), being raped by a neighbor with her friend (which her friend denies), being abandoned by her mother because she had to work, brothers who picked on her, etc etc etc. She's sick and that's all there is to it. It's a factitious disorder and as such, if there's nothing there she will fabricate it. Guess what I'm trying to say is that hoping for closure in the form of reasons won't make you feel better.

I understand about wanting to be understood. Since she's likely poisoned everyone within earshot against you, it's going to be hard for them to understand because they already were told what to think. It sounds as though your brothers already do understand and are scared as hell about what they remember. Nobody wants to think of their mother that way, so capable of abuse and causing pain.

Sorry I can't be of more help than that.

It helped me quite a bit to read the stories on this forum because I felt so alone with all of it. Learning that other survivors were damaged in the same ways and still struggle with family issues was comforting in its own way. I hope you find this place to be helpful as well.

Hi, I know this is a post from a long time ago but can't resist posting I had a step daughter who I now know is a muncher. She had what people refer to as the perfect storm in her childhood. Her mom was sick and died of cancer. Her father paid a lot of attention to mom and received a lot of attention from the nursing staff and DR. so she saw this and to this day her person she has to get attention from is Dad. When I married her Dad she use to battle for attention from him to the point that I told him to stop getting me flowers and candy because she would demand that he get her the same only better or more expensive which creeped me out to the max she acted more like his wife or girlfriend than his daughter which really creeped me out. Her Grandma even told her to stop acting like that I think it was humiliating to Grandma and she lived in TEnn. We lived in Mich. She was 16 when I married her Dad. So what I'm saying is yes there was a perfect storm in her childhood but she made decisions along the way. She was upset that her Grandma told her to stop that but chose to believe that I was the problem between her and her Grandma. Just like with a sociopath they have tragedy in their lives also or abuse usually but they make decisions along the way that make them who they are.

-- Thu Sep 07, 2017 1:16 pm --

Hi, I know this is a post from a long time ago but can't resist posting I had a step daughter who I now know is a muncher. She had what people refer to as the perfect storm in her childhood. Her mom was sick and died of cancer. Her father paid a lot of attention to mom and received a lot of attention from the nursing staff and DR. so she saw this and to this day her person she has to get attention from is Dad. When I married her Dad she use to battle for attention from him to the point that I told him to stop getting me flowers and candy because she would demand that he get her the same only better or more expensive which creeped me out to the max she acted more like his wife or girlfriend than his daughter which really creeped me out. Her Grandma even told her to stop acting like that I think it was humiliating to Grandma and she lived in TEnn. We lived in Mich. She was 16 when I married her Dad. So what I'm saying is yes there was a perfect storm in her childhood but she made decisions along the way. She was upset that her Grandma told her to stop that but chose to believe that I was the problem between her and her Grandma. Just like with a sociopath they have tragedy in their lives also or abuse usually but they make decisions along the way that make them who they are.

Maybe I'll re-resurrect this; been looking for what the original 2013 post expressed, and also think it's hard to find. So maybe this thread is a small start to finding something that would be considered the stuff of "recovery".

It's been tough looking for ways to be the me I was naturally born to be, minus the constant conditioning that made me maladaptive. For me it went like, I'd get horrible verbal reactions to my energetic nature, so I gradually saw myself conditioned to pretend I was frail when I wasn't. This caused a lot of isolation and no doubt a lot of frustration, which I see now led to the "2" of the 1-2 punch which was to use that as an excuse to blame me (into submission) for having this that and the other thing too. Before I knew it, I was going from running around like crazy and playing sports and all to being this pretend (and then truly) shy, sad, anti-social character.

Now I'm older, and I go back to the best sides of my inner child with ease and some frequency. I've seen the cycle of abuse for what it is, and put massive amounts of energy into weeding those traits out of myself, I think successfully by all accounts.

But the thorn I can't get out of my paw is that I can't get rid of the brainwashed habits completely, and still see them affect into dimming myself for the sake of others. People think I'm just sooo sweet, but then are confused and turned off when I tap into my reservoir of unlimited energy (I don't do it right according to them, or something? This btw feeds a resentment streak I have towards most people), and the result is that I continue to feel like I'm my old self, naturally energetic and believing I'm very healthy the way I am and the habits I have... but as soon as almost anyone else comes into the equation, I instinctively dim myself to "get along" easier which leads to resentment towards myself just as bad as towards others. This is incredibly hard b/c I basically make myself inferior around people who I cannot help in the end but to cope with being "weak by choice" (around others) ... by "boosting" myself a little too much into superiority/inferiority thinking that just constantly weighs down my every choice (in society), keeps me really practically socially an invalid.

I know for sure it's the atavistic behavior I was taught wrong (but constantly) to adopt from MbPS, but I don't know what to do about it. I went through a year-long DBT course (CBT with "Dialectical" instead of "Cognitive"; it's just CBT with meditation) which was very good, but did not give me the perceived golden skeleton key I'm looking for so hard to "tweak" my personality back in some way, or at least minimize their tendencies to dictate my behavior. I'm lucky to have been relatively unharmed, physically, and I am totally competent and brave enough now in my 30's to handle the overt reminders of living under MbPS (like being in family settings); but I can't for the life of me figure out how to resurrect my self-assurance around others, or whatever traits are wounded and hiding away that are probably great but I don't even know about.

What do people like us do for recovery, what methods have the best track record?

Hi!

I have never been drugged or made ill by my dad, but I do understand what you mean. If you have found the right therapist for you, then I hope that this will help you see your mother more clearly.

I'm going on my fourth year in therapy, and it really has helped me understand my parents from a mature point of view that I just wasn't able to develope on my own. I still have anger issues (my dad is a psychiatric muncher, and these days psych diagnoses are literally everywhere), but my therapist is helping me a lot with that. I used to see my dad as an all-powerful demi-god that I couldn't help but respect because of his enormous presence. Now I see him for what he is: a pathetic, insecure, lonely, and very disturbed little shithead.

So again - if you have found a therapist that suits you and whom you trust, then I say go for it. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.