Advice

Hucal wrote:I have no history of psychosis. How can this be psychosis? I am a psychology major and I am pretty sure I would know if I was psychotic.

Hi Hucal - It definitely can be psychosis. You have stopped your medication and taken drugs that are known to induce psychosis in some people. Also, if you have Bipolar, there is always the chance of psychosis occurring at one point or another. All these factors put together gives a good chance that you are honestly suffering from psychosis.

Medication will not be taking away who you are, but rather will help treat what you are experiencing, to bring you back to your normal self. These delusions are made from an unbalance in your brain - medication and medical attention can help bring you back to a normal state of functioning. The nature of psychosis is the fact that it seems very real - but the fact is, is that it's not real. Your brain is malfunctioning, as Masq has said.

I strongly urge you to call your doctor or go to the hospital.

- EGD.

I have spoken to my counselor Saturday, July 21st, at 11:00 AM. I told him of my experiences. He explained that the odd coincidences I experienced are my attempt to personalize events that are just that: mere coincidence. I have experienced fear that I have been experiencing delusions, although I have no official, documented history of experiencing delusions.

It is very clear I am manic. I have been experiencing racing thoughts of sex, murder, and suicide. I have been unusually pressured in speech. I also cannot recall the last time I have felt this elated for a period of time this great. This elated mood is causing me to not want to return to my medication. I am anxiously awaiting the crash, however. I wish I could feel this good all the time; the rush/sensation is similar to that of being on amphetamines. I know that it inevitably must end. I am enjoying it while I can.

I am very fearful that I will soon need hospitalization. I know I am not well, and I feel I am on a crash course. My brain is at war with itself. My healthy brain is begging myself to comply with medication, but the evil, unhealthy side is stronger, and has taken control. I have never been the religious type my entire life, but I am praying to something to help me. My evil side will not allow me to ask my psychiatrist, therapist, girlfriend, or family for help. I am trapped and have no solution. I need some kind of help, but I don't know how to get it.

Ideas of reference can be tricky and hard to overcome esp. when you feel manic. I think synchronicity is just normal but some people notice things to a heightened degree which can worry them. I believe people are all connected but that certain awareness can bring new levels of clarity. I read a book, The gospel according to mary, which also seems to believe there is a soul spirit and anima.

To me, there is a certain "aliveness" to everything which can be tapped into by finding a source of energy. People are often fooled, thinking high chemical or brainwave activity is the only way to tap into the spiritual and the elation that being one with the universe provides. It really only requires tapping into a source within you that transcends the constraint of physical reality.

The mind cannot be affected by medications IMO, but our experience of physical reality can be slowed down and loudness can be dimmed. Mania is an unnecessary fear, or urge, or impulse that isn't in sync with everyone else's. Slowing down reality doesn't relatively affect the person's experience either. It's only you who can change yourself.

I've been taking 30 mgs of Abilify for the past few years. What it helped with for me, was knowing I am not infallible and that it's better not to focus on changing reality because its either impossible or not important. Of course Jesus could do it, but that was a different time. The thing is, when you try to change reality to suit you, you miss out on the lessons of mortality. You can hurt yourself by trying to transcend reality. Reality is here for as much reason as Heaven God and non-reality.

Being normal can be a good thing. Being a good person is the best thing because you set an example to everyone and your children for a better world. Whether or not you choose to take medications is your choice. If it helps you know your limits than that may be good for you.

Just remember it takes wisdom and patience to understand our limits. But it can be frustrating i realize. I have been living with schizophrenia symptoms since I was fifteen, and the meds deff helped. Now they've been saying I *might* have been or am Bipolar, so there is a similarity between mania and psychosis.

-- Sun Jul 22, 2012 6:28 pm --

Hucal wrote:I am very fearful that I will soon need hospitalization. I know I am not well, and I feel I am on a crash course. My brain is at war with itself. My healthy brain is begging myself to comply with medication, but the evil, unhealthy side is stronger, and has taken control. I have never been the religious type my entire life, but I am praying to something to help me. My evil side will not allow me to ask my psychiatrist, therapist, girlfriend, or family for help. I am trapped and have no solution. I need some kind of help, but I don't know how to get it.

I think I get where you're coming from. Try and find balance between both aspects of yourself. I would recommend a Jungian Psychotherapist but it's ultimately you who knows what's best for you. I think I would benefit too from a psychotherapist, because I have an understanding of the subconscious patterns that cause people to think certain ways.

Maybe the stress is causing you to shut people out, to isolate. That's no good. People need interaction to keep progressing and growing as individuals. But there is no evil side of you, there is a confused side of you. Seek help. Talk. Open up to someone you trust.

But if it's mania you know I saw you listed Abilify, if your doctor thinks you should increase it that may stop the mania and hypersensitivity for awhile.

I'm sorry if this doesn't help. Just letting you know i've been there and you're not alone.

Thank you for a response. I was taking 20mg Celexa and dropped from 2mg to 1mg of Abilify. I complained to my psychiatrist about a lack of real emotions... everything felt suppressed. He switched me over to 10mg Lexapro not too long ago. My therapist hypothesized that this medication has been too strong for me, swinging me too far towards the manic side.

It felt good to talk to my therapist about it yesterday, but I am overall very nervous about the future. I have been living with my parents for 21 years, and starting September 1st, I will be living on my own in Santa Cruz to attend school. My girlfriend is going to move in with me after 2 months, but I am anxious about those 2 months on my own. I am afraid I'm going to self-destruct, so I know it is probably best that I find new medication that works, although I really do not want to.

My psychiatrist has been out the last month and a half because he is having throat surgery, so unfortunately I will not be able to see him until my next appointment in mid-August.

I have been experiencing racing thoughts of sex, murder, and suicide.

Please take yourself to your nearest hospital now, as this post concerns me. There is help available.

Hucal-

There has been a lot of good advice offered to you already, but I thought I might stop by and talk to you too.


There is a lot to be said about mania, which does include feelings of reference, and does involve paranoid delusions. I am not saying that I feel you are completely delusional, please do not take offense. What I am saying is, that after you took that DXM trip, things became very unbalanced, and I'm pretty sure that you realize this.

Now after stopping your meds, you've become manic, and I think it is time to come off the hamster wheel and get things straightened out.

Do you think you could go to an ER or your doctor's office? I think its time, sweetheart.

Also - if you are going to be living in your own, you need to get this stuff ironed out before you go about being on your own.

<3


AMP

I have continued to feel very good, for the most part, this last week. I decided that I wanted to do a one week fast on Sunday to build self-discipline. Unfortunately, I only lasted 28 hours before I was so irritable and cranky to the point where I had to eat. However, I decided that I want to try being vegetarian instead.

I hung out with a buddy yesterday and smoked some weed. It was overall a very good time, however at one point I heard sirens in the distance and thought for a second the police were on the way to bust us. That is just common weed stuff though, I'm sure

Today, I have been feeling uneasy about my girlfriend. I have been forming an idea that she is doing something behind my back. Whether it is cheating, doing drugs, or something else, I'm not sure. I just have this weird gut feeling that I shouldn't trust her as much as I should. She hung out with an old middle school boyfriend today (who seems to me to be not that mentally well as he should, based on my girlfriend's description), meaning they had dated 4-5 years ago for about a month, for the first time in a long time. While he was away in the army a few months ago, he told her that he was in love with her.

Now, they've already hung out today for a bit for lunch and she said she plans on meeting him later with another female friend. That is one reason I am suspicious, because it's not like my worries are completely unreasonable. However, I am worried that I am overly paranoid when I should not be.

It is not really bringing down my mood, but I am feeling highly cautious and hyper-vigilant.