Hello out there

Hi everyone, 

I joined a little while ago and posted in the addictions forum, speaking there with the very helpful ladyswan. At the time my quest to deal with addiction problems was most pressing and relevant so I didn't put up a general introduction. Then I got to reading around the site a bit more and realized just how friendly and fun this place is so I thought offer up a proper introduction. 

Ok here's a bit about me relevant to mental health...

I'm a 24 yr old male, long term BDD (body dysmorphic disorder) and GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) sufferer, and more recently depression and panic disorder sufferer. 

The development of the latter two in the last year or so turned what had already been a grueling battle already into an actual living nightmare. An intolerable reality. Recently I spiraled into the lowest and darkest place I've ever been. I had become suicidal and roughly a month ago I found myself in a crisis centre, in utter despair and exhaustion, unable to do it alone anymore. I had been scared of meds and distrusting of therapists for a long time but at that point it was no longer a matter of choice anymore. I needed help, and fast. That of die. Dying being a non-option given I have loved ones I could never do that too.

In the time since things have subsided, but only a little. I'm still raw and tender but most days are manageable, by my standards (miserable by others'). I'm on anti-anxiety medication now, on a take-as-needed basis, but no long term treatment has been arranged yet. 

My moods are rather unstable and disordered eating and and a worsening of addiction problems have also come to feature into my mental illness. 

Bdd has rendered me practically reclusive and I depend heavily on avoidance just to get by without having daily breakdowns. I've isolated myself from my most of my family and friends, and even though I am started to mend some of those connections again, I still feel very alone. 

I guess I'm in a bit of a lull at the moment hence why I'm here and sane enough to reach out and connect. I still have hope despite all the darkness. Deep, deep within me is a a passionate and undying love of life. Occasionally and miraculously I'll forget all my woes and be treated to a rare glimpse at what life should be...a beautiful and free life. I treasure those glimpses, and they are, along with the love and support of a few select people around me are all that keep me going. 

I look forward to meeting you all, sharing my own experiences and sharing in the experiences of others, in the name of giving and getting some quality support. 

See you all round

Hi Glade, thanks for the interesting intro. I'm glad things are now headed in the right direction and most days are manageable. I agree this is a great forum which is friendly, supportive and often even fun. And it's wonderful that you still have hope despite all you are dealing with. May your life have many more of those beautiful moments
Best wishes and take care.

Hello Glade and welcome to the forum. I think it is really good you are reaching out here for some extra support. I think your introduction is really beautifully written, it really helped me envisage what you have been going through. You certainly have had a lot of challenges but you seem to have a real strength of character to be able to keep working through those things and to seek help, despite your distrust of therapists. It sounds as if you are working positively through your issues, even though it might be slow going.

It is nice to have you here and I hope you feel free to share more of yourself when you feel ready and that you can get lots of help and support from all of the wonderful members that make up our community here.

Aw, gee, thank you both so very much for your kind and thoughtful words. I really appreciate you both stopping in here to welcome me.

I am looking forward to joining in more soon and becoming part of the community here. You truly seem like a wonderful bunch and the topics here are really interesting and 'life relevent'...you know those things you think about in your own head but dont expect anyone else to be able to understand or relate to?..and then I read them here and am soothed in knowing I'm not so alone in this. I tend to forget about when it's just me, and my own thoughts.

Thanks again to you both, for the encouragement and warm welcome. I extend that and my warm wishes right back you