Hi i am new

onebravegirl wrote:What you did or what you had to do? Not many women kill for the thrill. I'm not saying it excuses a life being lost, but I am sure it is a complicated issue. Have you ever had therapy? You mentioned An illness. Have you been diagnosed?
One

it was what i did. definately not for the thrill. it was a matter of been insane and mental. i have been in a psychiatric prison hospital so yeah i have had therapy and on medication.

You don't sound like a victim of life to me. You sound like a survivor. I respect you for that. We have all done things that we regret. The trick is to learn to grant ourselves the permission to let go and move one. As long as you carry shame, it will poison you. Regret can teach you, shame can kill you.
One

puppyluva wrote:i'm ok today!!! just going to look for a job today but it is hard as i get rejected because of the mental health and what i did.

Good

Yeah, looking for a job is hard enough, without having something like that to deal with.

its wierd because killers get hated but you lot don't seem to hate me

I think they're usually only hated, if they're seen as cruel. If someone wasn't really thinking clearly or were forced, it's a bit different

The ones who are hated, aren't really sorry about what they did.

i did it due to been mentally insane. now im okay. and yeah i do feel bad every single day. i guess that makes me a decent person.

I'm glad you're okay, now

puppyluva wrote:and yeah i do feel bad every single day. i guess that makes me a decent person.

Yeah

i want to blurt it out what i did years ago just to get it off my chest it would be such a relief as i am going crazy but i can't bring myself to say it.

Take your time. You could tell a little bit, at a time. Baby steps?

i killed a man. i love animals. he was doing dog fighting in basement in his house and i found out about him i heard people discussing him. so because i was horrified it triggered my schitzophrenia off severly. i started to ask people his name. i researched and found out where he lived. i started to stalk him. i did things to his house. then i watched his house for 9 hours waiting for him to come out. it became around 6am and he come out with a black bag and it had 2 dead dogs in it and his friends got in there cars and left his place. then he went back in the house and came back out with one of the dogs which was alive. he was taking the dog for a walk. it wasnt a fighting dog that he was taking for a walk. it was a dog he kept as a pet it was a small dog . he picked up the bag of 2 dead dogs and took his dog to the local park. i followed him. i seen him dump the bag of 2 dead dogs in the lake in the park. i had a knife on me as i was in such a rage and mentally insane. he sat on a bench in the park throwing a ball for his dog and i was hid. his phone started to ring and he answered it and he was saying to someone on the phone that 2 of the dogs lost in the fight and that a person owes him £4000 as a bet. thats when i flipped , i came from behind and stabbed him. not just once but many times. the court told me i stabbed him 53 times in different parts of his body. i left the body lying there and i took the pet dog. but some other dog walker seen what i had done and he wrestled me to the ground and phoned the police. i was trying to kill the person who was holding me down. when i went to court i was saying that the dog walker stabbed him but it got proved that it was me who killed him. i told the judge why i did it. the murder i commited also brought a bit of goodness aswell. the police rescued 23 dogs and some was put to sleep due to horrific injuries and most of them was nursed back to good health and re homed and a few of the dogs got put down to aggression. in court i was seeing the man as if he was in the room , i was shouting abuse as if he was there, i was hallucinating due to my schitzophrenia. the court put me in a psychiatric prison unit from age of 14 to 2 month ago i am 24 now. i feel such a relief getting it off my chest but it also is haunting aswell. i feel half guilty and half not guilty. i am now a different person and got released because they think i am no longer a danger to people or myself and i served my time for murder. i got a shorter sentence due to my age and insanity.