where to begin?

Hi everyone,

I have just joined this forum and went through the various sections.
My problem is that I don't know exactly what category my issues fit into. For a long time now, I have known that I suffer through depression, social anxiety, irrational thinking/fears/behaviours etc.

More specifically though, I want to talk about a coping mechanism that I have developed and wonder if it is somewhat abnormal. You see I have heavily suffered through depression through most of my teenage years. Angst, sadness, anxiety can only hardly describe those years. Chronic dysthymia would be my ideal choice, however, I do feel I have the ability to be happy for days at end before I sink into depression. Add to this, fear of people, argument, causing others dissatisfaction, saying no etc

Back to the mechanism. I imagine stuff in my head. That sounds simplistic. But when I have feelings of jealousy, anger, insecurity, hurt. My mind automatically starts to build a story. In those stories of my imagination, I am in a place where I have the power of control. I am the influential person. The 'tall', good-looking, desirable, enviable person who has this mysterious side to him. He has all the answers. He has his head sorted out. He is the one that his friends/strangers depend on when they have issues. I don't know how to explain this 'person'. I have had so many variations of it for years and years at end. I am very aware that my mind is building up stories to calm myself down. The issue is that these stories really have the power to influence my mood. I have extreme ecstasy sometimes when I get carried away in my fantasy. To the point that I have to just stop thinking, calm down, and sometimes freak out about what I was doing. It's getting worst indeed. Now I talk to myself often when I am alone. I know that's a healthy thing to do in small amounts. However, when I talk to myself it's like I am talking to an imaginary person who is in the room or space I am in. Let me be clear, I am not seeing things and I am very much aware that the person is not there. But just to express my feelings to that person exactly the way I want to by imagining that they are listening...that is the issue. For example, if a co-worker at work rubbed me the wrong way, I will come back in my room, or my car and tell them exactly how I feel...the problem is..they are not there.

It's really freaking me out that I am having conversations with another person(s) though they are not there. I don't know what's happening and I am really confused.

If somebody could point out what type of sub-forum I should focus on to explore my issues, that would be great. (And I have left off quite a bit of my other issues which add layers and complexities to the issue I have presented). Any ideas on what's happening to my mind or what you guys think could be unwell with my mind would be much appreciated.

With respect,
c0nfused

Just post where you think your post belongs, if it happens to be in the wrong forum it'll be moved.

You could always post in the mental illness forum as it covers everything.


Welcome to Psychforums.

Thank You!

I can relate to nearly everything you describe, to one degree or another, but your mention of your mind building stories around situations before you even know any data but the most essential is something i have not heard anyone describe as closely as the way it seems for me. I do this all the time, without wanting to, and to my chagrin, I always end up giving myself a panic attack with the story always seeming to end up badly in my imagined perception of what is happening. For me, the only way out of that cycling on and on over and over is to break the cycle with a benzodiazepine. When when I find out the "truth" of a situation..it doesn't really seem to matter....my brain just jumps to the next tragedy it can find, and it starts all over again..
Honestly, the only stopgap measure I have discovered is forcing myself to write stories/poetry, or prose with no story. But I find, sometimes, if I...for lack of a better term, tire out the "story-building" part of my brain first thing after my medication starts working in the morning (I wake up with a massive headache and a panic attack most mornings), I don't seem to have it happen during the rest of the day as much. I think I still do it when I have written it out of me, it just never is so dominant and relentless in happening with everything I hear or see than when I go a few days without writing whatever is on my mind or what I was dreaming..but I try to , for example if I am writing out a dream, I'll continue with it even though the dream ended, building the rest of the story...or if it is a personal problem, I create a character, give him that problem and make a world for him to sort it out..give him the "tools" he would need, or the ones he seems to need, to be alright...whether reading a book about meditation, or getting a dog (I dreamed about that, and went and did it, and I've had him for 7 years, my Psychologist and Psychiatrist thought it was a good idea (I have a great deal of irrational fear of people and the outside world, so I stay inside and away from everyone but family and close friends(who are mostly married or working all the time or have moved away). The fact, though, that my Dog needs exercise, forces me to leave the house for a little while each day at least. Just thought I'd share what worked for me, at least a little most days. Hope the writing thing helps if you decide to try it.