: \ would like to connect with someone

hmm...so i like making friends w/ my similar problems and talking on aim. i just feel like they tend to be better friends than the idiot who dont understand you in your everyday life. (im 19,f,usa)


keywords - shy, loneliness, splitting, being attractive, being spoiled

yea, those 5 things pretty much sum it up.

so i have bpd. im sure of that. i took a psyche class last semester and diagnosed myself. the symptoms fit me like a glove.

its all a result of being born shy.

my schooling years were hell, especially 11th/12th, when i really started to develop my problems.
ive never really known how to interact with others. never fit in.
lemme tell ya...being shy and smart is not a good combination. it can result in utter loneliness. i spent way too much time alone. didnt understand how to take joy in simple pleasures...had such internal anger. took it out on loved ones. cared waaaaaay too much about what people thought of me.

i never really participated in..anything. my parents were content to treat me like a piece of furniture "if it doesnt act out/bother anyone then shes fine!" umm...no. i did not understand how to get what i wanted in life. not in any aspect. i felt like i lived in a box.

it should be noted that im pretty. (increased my shyness, also ive read alot of bpd's are attractive)
i think it led to being sortof an ocd narcissistic thing. (body dysmorphic disorder?)

i might of been a little manic depressive back then, too.
but never violent. to a strange, i looked like a happy person...

im not too keen on pills/medication.



my life has changed dramatically in the past two years since high school.
i dont suffer as much as i used to. but i will probably commit suicide soon. its not really a cry for help, just a fact.

Hii yoshi,

I am sorry for your life problems. I think, you should consult some therapist or any doctor, You need it. Don't feel worried or afraid of anything here. You are welcome and requested to feel free to talk with us here.

My first thought was that you were a girl I had in Psych class last semester. But those thoughts disappeared once I read you were smart. She was far from that. What Psych class did you take that you were able to diagnose yourself?

At any rate, I feel for you. You remind me of myself when I was your age. It truly does suck. Being pretty sometimes makes guys hesitant to talk with you, but adding shy on top of it? Perfect recipe for loneliness. But unless you have something that's forcing you to remain shy (social anxiety, etc.), it gets better as you go.