HAALLLO^^

I am another person, posting about their own experience as a way to gain advice from other members of this forum I would like to tell you first that, I am NOT new to forums...pretty forum saavy actually (I'm expert in BBcode). I tend to be very sarcastic, sorry in advance for that. I enjoy being sort of...asshole-ish, if that makes any sense. Just to get that out of the way...

I'm 17 years old, and I realize this is young...so no need to mention that. I've been experiencing depression since I was 12, the age where I first injured myself, smoked a cigarette, and basically started to go downhill. By age 13 I was already experiencing very confusing and horrific depersonalization (which is the major reason why I've joined). My anxiety was high and I was too, I started using drugs at this point, heres a list of the ones I've done and at what age;

AGE 12

• nicotine

AGE 13

• THC
• DXM

AGE 15

• caffiene (I was addicted until recently)

AGE 16

• oxycodone
• hydrocodone
• methylphenidate
• nitrous oxide
• diphenhydramine (high doses, for insomnia and tripping)

AGE 17

• LSD
• trazodone

My drug use, especially DXM, is what I believe to have left me in my current state. I've attempted suicide more than once, continue to burn/cut myself. For reasons of major disassociation rather than depression! I cannot begin to describe to someone how completely distant I am from this world. Moving through the motions of life and not realizing it, disbelief about who (or what) I really am. Completely not caring about anything, being cold-hearted...unable to feel strong (negative or positive) emotions. I could keep going but I don't feel like typing much more, I'll be posting alot in the depersonalization forum. I also suffer from insomnia, which I'm now taking trazodone 100mg...it's increasing my DP alllllot though...but then again I'm not sad nor anxious.

Ask any questions, I feel I'm rather open

hello titus,
Glad you signed up. I must admit your first paragraph is NOTHING TO GET OUT OF THE WAY.
I was shocked to read you are forum savvy, yet nailed everything and anything that
this FORUM stands for.

welcome.

Hehe, thanks...it's a nice greeting to a new place. Especially one like this, very open, and so far, very friendly. Other health forums I was a part of were extremely user-biased. As in, they would ban me for saying something "harrassing" but others get a slap on the wrist. Getting treated like an untouchable on a website due to different causes of disorder is surprizingly damaging

But there are a few things I realized I left out, for one, I have been abused since I was a child. Physically, mentally, emotionally, financially and yes, sexually. I've been in and out of therapy, never been happy with the people I had to talk to. I suffer from migraines and panic attacks. I actually have the tell-tale signs of a migraine that will be bombarding me later today I've had drug-induced psychosis for a while...and I don't take recreational drugs at all anymore. My delusions have subsided for the most part, but I sometimes get caught up in them.

Adios for now compadres