Greetings one and all.

I'll start with a brief introduction of myself and my issues, then go into a stream of consciousness kinda deal, and see where it gets me.

I'm 23 years old, male, working in the information technology field. I suffer from Bipolar Disorder, though I've always heard it referred to as Manic Depression. I inherited it from my mom's side of the family. I also have something that's less easy to describe. The closest correlation is a hero complex/hero syndrome. I have an inherent need to help people, even if it's out of my abilities. Bad breakup? My knee-jerk reaction is "I'll be the best boyfriend you ever had." Got fired? I'll find you a job. Hungry? Come to my place, I'll feed you, even though I live paycheck to paycheck.

Three and a half years ago, I tried to commit suicide by jumping off a highway overpass. I got to the overpass, but couldn't bring myself to jump off. I was placed in a mental health facility for 10 days and released. (I had two friends commit suicide within the past year, had a series of terrible relationships and bad breakups, plus the Bipolar Disorder.) I started seeing a therapist regularly, and worked through a good chunk of what was bothering me.

A few months later, I moved away from the big city (where I lived half my life), across the US to this small town, because I had a pretty good job opportunity. I packed up and left my mom, my friends, my city, and moved in with my dad for a brief visit while I got my own pad. I have little love for my dad, and he does everything he can to push people's buttons. He played psychotic mind-games with me as a child, taught me everything I know about being a scoundrel, and implanted a deep sense of loathing towards him.

He's not all bad, sure.. He got me the job I'm working now, and he makes a token effort to spend time with me, but we don't relate at all. He's just awkward to be around. I think he has Napoleon Syndrome, but that's neither here nor there.

Anyway. I've just been offered a great promotion at work, and I'm going to accept. I'll be an assistant supervisor over a smallish (25-30) group of people. I'm really nervous about it, since I'm so young and inexperienced, but I'm excited at the same time.

I guess the work stress is causing me to do a lot of self evaluation.. and I decided I could use another outlet to discuss things. The town I'm in is pretty small, and doesn't have a good therapist for miles. I've gone without, for the past few years (I stopped going to the one in town, when visits wound up being little more than a 10 minute "Hi, how ya doin?").
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So..my hero complex is starting to kick in again. One of my coworkers is going through a pretty messy divorce, and I'm noticing that I've got a little crush on her. I never really noticed it before. I dunno whether it's just a normal crush, or whether her inherent problem is causing my hero complex to make her more appealing to me because there's something to fix. Nevermind that I've also been going through a dry spell.

Anyway..my brain's pretty muddled, but getting things out is always better than keeping them in. I won't apologize for the length of the post, but I will provide a "too long, didn't read."

tl;dr
Bipolar young man with hero complex who just wants an outlet and feedback on the stuff that's bothering him.

Hi, DontBeThatGuy! It sucks that you can't find a decent therapist where you live. Maybe talking about what might trigger your hero complex could help. Do you think you do it out of a desire to feel needed or loved?
Are you taking any meds for the Bipolar disorder or anything? I have highs and lows, although not very severe these days, and working out regularly and talking to someone who cares when I'm sad or triggered seems to help.
Don't worry about writing a lot, that's what this forum is for.

I dunno. I think it might be a lack of self-fulfillment. Lack of being needed, so I try to make myself needed. I'm kind of a loner, most of the time. Hard to tell what actually triggers it, y'know?

I've been off meds for 2 years now, and doing great! My lows are few and far between, and my highs are less extreme. (I used to skip down the hallways, and 10 minutes later be moody and grumpy.) Before that, I was on Prozac. It made me do weird things. About an hour after I'd take some, I'd get jittery and full of energy, like I've just taken a triple shot espresso, followed by a glass of pure cane sugar. Four hours later, I'd crash and want a nice mid-afternoon nap.

I also noticed that I tended to act differently.. out of my 'norm'. I'd say things I wouldn't really mean.. offhand, ugly things. I'd rationalize it to myself that it was the meds talking..and I didn't like that feeling at all, so I talked to my doctor, and he agreed to let me try to go off. It's worked out pretty well so far. My worst moments are the times when my friends and I aren't actively hanging out and doing things (which is a good chunk of the week, to be honest.). I kinda just vegetate and hide out in my apartment. I know I'd love to go and do things, but it just doesn't occur to me to initiate anything. I just get in 'the funk', and hide out.

When depression starts to kick in and I feel like I'm spending too much time indoors, I like to go for a long walk by myself, even if I'm not going anywhere in particular. It does help to have a destination though, lol.
By lack of being needed, do you mean that you've felt unwanted or ignored? I've felt that way too.. It can even be that just our real needs and feelings have been ignored, even if people act like they need us.