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Thanks for your reply Chucky. Easiler said then done, but I am working on getting my life straightened out. If he fails to see what his words do to me and other folks then he will have one less person to verbally abuse.

I know that it is tough and easier said than don't. please don't fall into the 'trap' of always forgiving him though, and don't get into the situation where you know no other life but the abuseful life that you are currently in. regretfully, I believe that some out there forget what it is to be happy, because they have lived in abuse for too long and do'nt know how to get out.

Kevin

that is true.

Who knows, maybe him losing me will finally make him see that he is at fault wit his failing relationships and not just the other person.He lose me once before. I thought we could work things out. He says I haven't changed or did the things I promised to do. My stuff I can't change overnight. I can't lose the bit of xtra weight I carry over night. I lost some last year, but have gained a lil back and can't seem to lose anymore. He says I have no desire to make changes in our lives. I have made changes, just not necessarily the ones he wanted to see.

I won't stay were I can't be happy and will not allow my kids to see this any longer. They know this isn't the way that folks are to interact with one another. I want them to see normal again, not to see me and them being belittled.

Changes? - that sounds rich, coming from him. What has he ever done to accomodate things/problems in his life? It sounds like he has done the same thing constantly, and expects things/people to conform to his rules, no? Such people - forgive me for saying so - need a boot up the bum, and they need to put themselves in the shoes of others. Above all else, I try to put myself in the shoes of others. Otherwise, I think Id' be making the wrong decision about something and/or giving the wrong advice.

Hi!

My name's William, I'm a 30 year old guy who has just finished a relationship with a woman whom I suspect may have elements of being HPD. This is the first forum I have joined to discuss anything personal in the hope that I may better understand what has happened. I have been reading the histrionic forums for the last month and it has helped a great deal in clarifying certain areas of our life together. What I desperately am still trying to work out is how serious her condition is and whether or not she has the potential to admit to having issues. I would love to be directed as to where to post exactly to share my experiences or if someone can offer an experienced opinion. I realise no-one can diagnose or be too specific. I guess I just need to talk to someone so as to not feel quite so alone in this whole ordeal. Thanks for all the great posts I've been reading so far and I look forward to adding my own thoughts soon.

Will xoxo

Hi Jamieson79.
Welcome to the forum? I hope you find the support you need here.
Glad you here,
One

Chucky wrote:Changes? - that sounds rich, coming from him. What has he ever done to accomodate things/problems in his life? It sounds like he has done the same thing constantly, and expects things/people to conform to his rules, no? Such people - forgive me for saying so - need a boot up the bum, and they need to put themselves in the shoes of others. Above all else, I try to put myself in the shoes of others. Otherwise, I think Id' be making the wrong decision about something and/or giving the wrong advice.

You make me laugh,not in a haha way, but gotta love the ireland brogue. You used "Bum", got a friend whose significant other lives there as well. Love the way he talks and his use or play with words. Makes me smile.

I too try to always put myself in others shoes especially before I spout off at the mouth. Now its hard to do that in the heat of the moment and when your arguing, but I still bite my tongue alot, because you can't take back those hurtful or wrong words. Yes he thinks that his ways are right, because hey we tried some things your way and that didn't pan out, so lets do everything now my way. Instead of a compromise and whatnot. I have put myself in his shoes many of times and he will think I haven't. I always worry about the small decisons, let alone the bigger ones, without going in my head," what would ------- do? " If I make the wrong choice I will not hear the end of it for awhile. Thought life as a couple was suppose to be about sharing and building each other up.

He says he is the way he is with me now, is because all I have ever did is let him down. I didn't stick to what I said I was and would be when we met. Well we all evolve and most folks don't take you word for word that you say when your in that "anything and everything revolves around that one person stage." He literally took whatever I said and kept it like it was my personal quotes and mission in life. We all grow and things change, we decide that some smaller things that we thought were a big deal, don't really matter now. What it boils down to is that he let me done shortly after we were married and I lost my faith in him, so after that things unraveledin our lives.We lost that connection.Know what I mean?

LilScrapper73 wrote:You make me laugh,not in a haha way, but gotta love the ireland brogue. You used "Bum", got a friend whose significant other lives there as well. Love the way he talks and his use or play with words. Makes me smile.

I have an American second-cousin, and she came over to Ireland one day with her 'very' American friend. Her 'very' American friend that I'm the typical Irishman - everything she ever thought an Irishman would be. I should really take that as a compliment, perhaps.

LilScrapper73 wrote:He says he is the way he is with me now, is because all I have ever did is let him down.

I believe it is he who has let himself down, actually. It's sounding like you were both very excited about getting married, but had no idea that it would be arguably the most difficult thing to ever get through in life. How long before you got married were you with each other? I ask because one of my brothers was engaged for around 6 years before he finally married his wife. However, another brother married a girl two years after he first met her, but they seem 'perfect'.

Kevin

Yes it was a compliment to you.

We were together for three years before we got married. We've been married six yrs. I am not his first wife, I am his third wife. I on the other hand have never been married prior to this. No I knew marriage was not all flowers and candy, it always requires work, every single day. But resentment and harsh words said all too often wear you down.
His first wife(white) supposeable went back home to mom and dads because they thought he would be a typical black male. (My husband is black and I am white, we have an inter-racial marriage) Her parents sterotyped him. I can tell you he is not, that is one thing about him that is so not true, he is his own person and doesn't fall into cultural hangups and such. He has always done things his own way and not because of what general society believes the way certain folks are perceived. Anyways his first marriage only lasted 6months.Two yrs total before divorce was final. His second marriage(she was black) lasted for almost 9yrs. He had two children with her. We have custody of them and I have raised his two sons as if they were my own. I have three kids from previous relationships. Their marriage split up because of mistrust, drug use(on her part), suicidual attempts (on her part), she had some abusive issues that she went through as a child, which I understand as I did too. But dealt with them in the wrong ways. He got tired of the suicidual attempts and drug use. He tried to get her help too, she kept doing the same things after. I still see her on occasion when she decides that she has kids and wants to pick them up, she still uses her recreational drugs, and still doesn't work but lives off the system from the state.

So as I am the third wife, I get to rise above the others and make sure I am not like either of them. Or his first love, that he had in high school that got pregnant with his best friend. She cheated on him with his best friend and got pregnant. So he left right after graduation and came to another state to start a new life. Guess what, he is still running from that very first let down. I see this, but I can't fix it in his mind. That not everyone is going to let him down and just because we don't all do exactly what we say we are going to do, because things change and life changes. We are not her.

You know, I should have asked you earlier what his own history is, because when one finds out the background to a person, their present behaviour/state of mind is sometimes more understandable. In fact, I generally try to remember this whenever I encounter someone 'negative 'in my life - i.e. I try to understand what brought them to be such a negative person. There are always reasons. So, anyway, I am a little more sympathetic towards your husband. However, what he is doing in the present is still 100% wrong. I am now feeling a little out of my league though, as I am yet to get married and I am still single (although maybe not for too much longer).

Kevin