Welcome New Members

Hello and salutations!

I am Sir Zane.... Or at least that is my pseudonym that I've used off and on for the past year or so. I'm a sophomore in college working on a dual major, English language and English linguistics, and about as many minors as I can get my grubby little hands on (one of the joys of having schooling paid for and then some) as I am usually extremely busy with my school/work schedule, the Magritte of posting I do on this site will be from my phone. So I apologize in advance for poor grammar and things of the like.

A little about myself? Well I moved out of my family home the weekend following my 17th birthday for some very precise reasons. My step mother was indeed a very controlling woman, she coerced my father into getting my psychiatric doctor to prescribe mood stabilizers for me. I myself am partly to blame for this as I was indeed a problematic child. Like my father, I suffer from Aspergers Syndrome, and in a very short time I lost my grandfather, who was my best friend, to my parents divorcing, to my father remarrying, coupled with the fact that my father was active duty Air Force and within a week of their marriage we moved from Hendersonville NC (where I had spent eight years of my life) to San Antonio TX.

Needless to say I didn't handle the vast and numerous changes in such short time well. But what thirteen year old would? Since moving out after close to five years in what I perceived to be hell on earth. I have been taken off the antipsychotic Geodon under close watch of another doctor and I'm doing just fine. I was the Summa Cum Laude of my highschool senior class.

Hi :/
I'm new... uhm... so I decided to try out this forum. I guess I just joined so I don't feel alone with my issues... I don't really know what to say here... I'm a 26 year old... I was diagnosed with Depression, Bi-polarism, & OCD. Bad combination if one asked me... so... yea.

Hi

It is possible that my wife of 40 years has a delusional disorder, so I am interested in others who have experience of living with someone who has a similar problem.

Also my grandson who is coming up to 9, has been diagnosed as ADHD, so, despite him living in Sweden, I feel I should be up to speed on these matters.

Hey!
I am new here.

I am 25 years young girl who suffers from bipolar disorder I, have lost her sense of meaning of life and any aim in life and have past with fighting addiction (
I consider it to be important fact in my history of psychical health).

Have intetests in arts, literature, dance, cinema etc.

Hi, I'm new here obviously, otherwise it would be unlikely I would post here.
Anyway.

I guess I joined because I have an addiction to porn/masturbation. I do feel I need to stop, hence my reason for joining, but a part of me doesn't want to stop yet/if ever but I know I need to in order to actually have a life.

Anyway on to me. I'm 20 years old and have no idea what I'm doing with my life. I feel like I have wasted a lot of my life ( not so much feel as so much as I know I have). I'm not a social person whether it be in real life or online so I do find it hard to talk about myself, even when it's anonymous. I've never had goals/aspirations and I have very little other interests/hobbies in my life which I do feel is down to my addiction.

It probably took me 40 minutes to write this, deleting and adding text only to remove it again etc. This is mostly due to being uncomfortable writing about my self even if it is partially anonymous.
Also I think I used too many anyways.

Hi, I'm new and trying to find a helpful forum. I'm a CSA ,SA, abuse and neglect survivor. I'm hoping this site can be helpful, safe and supportive as I try to be also.

Nice to meet you all. Trigger warning, because I come off as a jerk to some people. And because my mind is racing and I can't possibly keep track of all the sensitive issues I may bring up.

I do not know whether or not I believe there can be anything inherently wrong with a person, but I do know that I am unhappy because the ways I think and feel make it difficult for me to cope with the world. Things that others find normal or even positive completely enrage and devastate me, while I don't see anything negative in what seems to outrage, frighten and disgust most people. On almost every issue, I have a view point unheard of by most people, but I am not intentionally rebellious. I get no pleasure out of being different for the sake of being different, in fact, much of the burning resentment I feel nearly 24/7 comes from the fact that I am not the norm.

I have strict, very many, yet very odd principles that nobody seems to understand but me. Most of them are contradicted by other principles of mine. I tend to be judgmental and intolerant when someone does something I perceive as wrong or that doesn't make sense to me. Everything I feel, think and do makes absolute sense to me but seems to confuse others. It's to the point where I don't see myself being happy as a frequently active member of society. I plan to separate myself from everyone in a way where I can be alone, with my thoughts and the people in them, but still interact with others when I feel like it, in the doses that I choose. I am not a complete loner, but I am happier alone. However, I can not be happy unless I socialize.

Unfortunately, socializing is my main issue. Everyone in my life ends up being a disappointment to me at best. Since "little" things piss me off, it's impossible for me to spend even an hour with a person without becoming enraged by something they do. I take words very literally and feel that I should, even when it comes to humor. And to me, every word a person says can be used to judge their character. My strict moral principles and belief that many things (inanimate or not) are sacred causes me to be very "sensitive". I am easily offended and I always demand amends from those who cause me to feel that way. Amends in the form of multiple sincere apologies, for them to explain what they did wrong in their own words so I know they are "thinking right", and a fulfilled promise that it will not happen again.

My ideas of love, devotion and loyalty are closer to what some people would call worship. I find most relationships shallow, meaningless burdens, and most people untrustworthy with my emotional well-being. So I've deemed myself my own best friend, true love and center of my universe.

If it weren't for my conflicting needs and desires, I'm sure my life wouldn't be much more complicated than anyone else's. I want companionship but would have to sacrifice emotional fulfillment for it, which is stupid because it should be emotionally fulfilling. I want emotional fulfillment that only I can give myself, it seems, but I don't want to distance myself too much. The more time I spend around others, the angrier I get. The more time I spend alone, the lonelier I get. There seems to be no solution for me, other than to somehow lose my desire for human contact (something I would have done a long time ago if I could) or somehow brainwash everyone into being more like me.

The current most important person in my life, other than myself, is the one that angers me the most. I am constantly on edge because of this man, but I also love him to the point where I don't know if I can go on living without him. I know, that sounds crazy, but just the thought of us living separately makes me anxious beyond words. I can't live with or without him and it's driving me crazy. The worst part is that while every element of our relationship is romantic, we are "friends". So his lack of commitment to me makes me even more nervous and obsessive. But as a person, I hate him. I hate his beliefs and morals. I hate that he dares to have them and not ask me if it's okay first. I hate that he argues with me instead of being completely loyal and obedient. I hate that he thinks he can reason putting anything above my feelings.

There are things he is literally not allowed to say/do around me. I always threaten to cut him out of my life if he doesn't conform to my terms, and although I am only bluffing, it works every time.

I never feel content with my names/usernames for long which means frequent email address changes. It isn't just the names, though. My very identity itself is murky to me. I am also convinced that there are very different sides of me. As in, different people. Sometimes I kind of tune in to those parts, and can find one part of me being very different from, and critical of the others. There are few traits that are and have been consistent with me all throughout life. Like how certain things affect me physically/stimulate me sexually. But for every belief/opinion I have, there seems to be one somewhere in my mind that contradicts it.

And yes, I still have the nerve to shove my opinions down other people's throats.

I am not in therapy and although I meet most of the criteria of many mental illnesses, the only thing I've been diagnosed with is Major Depressive Disorder. This is no surprise to me. I am anything but happy. But I don't see that as an indication of any flaw in me, rather, I was born into a world undeserving of me. Not ready for me. I am too enlightened for my own good. Maybe if I were born thousands of years in the past or future, I would have been okay. Wrong place, wrong time. Seems as simple as that to me.

I know it seems like I'm jumping from one thing to another here, but this is how my mind is racing at the moment. You may even think I'm a jerk but these are my honest feelings. I joined this site because I need somewhere to try and sort through my troubles out loud where I can receive feedback that won't provoke me, and from lurking here this seems like the place. I've made myself familiar with the rules but if I broke any in this post I'm sorry.

hello,
at 1 yr anniversary of divorce from diagnosed NPD and sociopath. 15 yr marriage, many kids, didn't see it coming.... i'm still recovering and hope to find answers from those with more experience.

Butterfly Faerie wrote:This is a place to share a small introduction... please do not share your real name etc.... and only post what you are comfortable sharing with the site.

i have never joined a forum before ....not sure what to do ..etc???

Hello *waves* just trying to cope with PTSD and a few other dilemas