Hi!

Hi guys, I just want to say that love these forums. Second of all I think I might need help. I am really self-conscious about it so please be open minded about it. Will first off I would like to introduce myself, my name is mike and I am 17 years old. Now I think I might have a personality disorder or something. I say that because sometimes (and I don't know if anyone feels the same way) I get the weirdest feeling. I mean its a feeling of anger and sadness all at once. It happens right before or after change. It could be change from summer break into school, anything that is change gets me this weird feeling, and the weirdest thing is that it only happens at night time. It could be the silliest things like a T.V. show changing or an Olympics even and I would get this feeling like... I want to cry. Also, I always have a feeling that someone is always watching me even though no one is. I am also paranoid about some things, even when people seem friendly I sometimes take it as hostility. Now all of these symptoms are acute and nothing sever like that but they never go away, no matter what. I mean I have alot of friends, I exercise (run, run, and some more running), girls think I am attractive, and I am also confident and maintain a 4.0 GPA in school. But its just this feeling that drives me crazy. I try to deny it but its just to obvious to me, I tried to go online and read some disorders but nothing seems to fit. Now I had these symptoms when I was small but a bit more severe, I got better but I am fearing the worst. Now, its getting to the point where I am becoming nervous and worried about everything, even about having... KIDS!!! I am 17 I shouldn't be thinking about that stuff. I think a HUGE part of it was that it hit me bad when I was 8 we moved to the U.S. and I never really coped with it and the feeling or disorder kind of stuck. I don't feel homesick or nothing it is just these feelings I get. If anyone can help me out and tell me whats wrong and how I can fix it I would really appreciate it, thanks alot guys, and sorry about the length.

P.S. I might have alot of typos up top but I am too lazy to read it all over again, it took alot of gut to write it, if I read it I would most likely end up deleting it. Also, I laugh at myself during the morning about these "night-time episodes."

Mike,

Your post was fine to read - I don't recall seeing any type-errors in it. Anyway, you said that you have looked-up a lot of personality disorders, but was one of them Asperger's Syndrome? For people with Asperger's (including myself), a change can bring about a lot of stress, anger, frustration, depression, etc. It is because 'change' brings with it unpredictability. We (Asperger's people) prefer to stick to routines, because then we know what is ahead of us.

I was exactly like you throughout my whole life. Hell, even the change at the weekends is difficult to cope with. Anyway, there is an Asperger's forum on this website. Take a look at the official symptoms that are listed there by myself (http://psychforums.com/viewtopic.php?t=27745).

Take care,
Kevin

WOW, that is amazing. Some of the stuff describes me 100% but others things are not quite there, for example I am a really friendly person and I have a ton of friends, also I almost always start the conversation. Now on the other hand things like OCD, being clumsy, and having one subject that you are extremely knowledgeable about I didn't think were symptoms but now that I think about it are me 100%. Thanks alot for the reply and the link, I really appreciate it. Also, the intense interest is like right on the money. For example, I don't do one thing over and over again but when I find something new I never want to stop so I usually tend be good at alot of things. The only time I ever stop is if I find something that interest me more so I leave that old thing, pick up the new thing, and just keep doing it. Also, do you ever feel like your sometimes alone and your really just don't want to talk to anyone or do anything but just sit there and stare off somewhere? Because that happens to me.

Hi again,

I'm glad that I have helped you. You seem to be just as surprised as I was when I first read through the symptoms of Asperger's Syndrome. You should be aware though that the symptoms of the syndrome can fade with time (i.e. as you get used to coping with them). This is why it is difficult to diagnose in adulthood. So, anyway, if you do actually have Asperger's, then this could explain why you actually have lots of friends. I, on the other hand, have very few friends, and I don't have any urge to make any either.

wiiman wrote:Also, do you ever feel like your sometimes alone and your really just don't want to talk to anyone or do anything but just sit there and stare off somewhere? Because that happens to me.

This happens to me everyday. I allow myself to engage in conversation with people at work or at college, but it's terribly stressful. So, by the end of each day, I just want to be alone. Even during the day though, I sometimes get 'panicky' and just go off somewhere on my own.

Take care,
Kevin

I don't know if I have it or not, but the similarities are frightful, although when I remember back to when I was little kid, those symptoms fit like 100%. I wouldn't engage in conversations and do anything like that, I would always try to be alone. Like you said it happens to me sometimes from time-to-time in the middle of the conversation I get panicky and I just want to stop talking and just walk off, but of course that would be out of the norm, so I just stick with the conversation so people don't say anything about me. But still now I always enjoy doing things by myself, I don't like groups, like I would rather swim in swimming pool alone than with 20 kids. Also, it is really stressful for me to hold a conversation with people I don't know or someone I know knows that person. All I ever want to do is just blend in and not be noticed and gone on with my day. Since you mentioned it and told me what it is I feel so much better. And hopefully I will eventually just grow out of it? Hey also, did you get diagnosed by a doctor or something? or did you just read some stuff and figure it out on your own?

Hey,

Yeh, people with Asperger's typically exhibit 100% of the symptoms in childhood, but this figure then decreases as they grow-up. I am unofficially diagnosed, but my GP and therapist both agreed that I have it (they just weren't in a position to officially diagnose it). I think you'll find that most people self-diagnose it without any professional opinion though. Still, if it hlps them to cope with their life and understand themselves better, then there's no problem with that.

You appear to have a good attitude to life and are aware of the 'unwritten' social rules already. Many of us don't even get that far and never develop any social life at all. I used to be social, but eventually gave it all up because it was too stressful and full of rejection.

Are you going to go to your local doctor or something about this?

Kevin

Yea, its night time now and I am getting those feelings again, man I hate it. It just drives me crazy, its every night. But anyways enough about that, now with the social life, it is almost always agonizing and dreadful but I think that I longed for it for so long that I eventually found people that cared and I fit in with and just took it REALLY slow. About the doctor thing, I really wasn't thinking of going to see a doctor because I am extremely self-conscious that I don't even know who to tell. You probably know more about me (personally) than alot of people around. I don't know but do you think I need to go see a general doctor or professional? Also, thanks a lot for talking to me man really makes me feel a whole lot better to open up to someone.

You're welcome - It's been no problem wiiman. Actually, this is unrelated to what we're talking about but do you own a Nintendo Wii, by any chance?

Anyway - no, I don't think that you need to see a doctor. I mentioned that just to see what your reaction was, and the reaction you have given kind of tells me that you don't need to see one. I mean, if you DO have Aspergers's, then you have done really really well for yourself in your life (and you should be proud). There are people with Asperger's, for example, who take the wrong paths in life and don't have a job or go to college. One girl I know, in fact, is on disability benefits and has never had a job in her life (She also left school before finishing it) - She's 25 now.

Did you look at some of the other posts in the Asperger's forum here?; If you did, did you relate to any of what the other members were saying?

Take care,
Kevin

Yes, I do own a Wii, and playing it makes me the happiest guy on earth, I pretty much rock at all the games I own none of my friends can beat me at any of them. That's why I named myself that "wiiman" also because of weeman on jackass the movie or wildboys. But that's besides the point.

No I haven't looked at the other forums, I am afraid that if I look at them then I might be like, " I have this! What am I going to do?" and I will just worry myself too much, but regardless I'd like to look at them to see how these people are coping with their problems.

Also do you own a Wii too?

Okay - yeh - good point: Don't look at the Asperger's Forum if you truly don't feel comfortable about it. I'm not going to force this Asperger's issue with you anymore, because you seem to be coping just fine. Anyway, I don't own a Wii but two of my three elder brothers do. The only consoles I own are a PS1 and a Sega Mega-Drive. My main machine for playing games is the PC, but I don't really play any games anymore.

Take care dude,
Kevin