Hello

Hello,
I just joined. I have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. I knew something was way wrong since an early age and I am happy to have been able to put a name to my condition. Life is for me a living hell with no way out. Tried suicide but I only ended up at the emergencies. I feel exhausted mentally exhausted most of the times and try to rely on my addictions to pull me through everyday. I have the desire to be strong, yes i am on strong medication which help with the mood but I also want to be strong and face my demons. I know there may be no cure but at least stop lashing out violently, stop the anxieties and bout of aggression. I’m happy I joined this forum this is a first step for me as im generally extroverted and indeed it difficult to speak to people. When I do I convince myself it is not me very much Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. However on here I want to be me talk with people who know how it feels like to feel like an outcast and it knowing when the demon will unleash and break everything. So, thank you for accepting me onboard.

Welcome to the forums. Curing or eliminating our defects, like anxiety and aggression seems a very tall order that may not be met and result in frustration and surrender.
You may be able to first work on meeting the demons half-way and learn some measure of self-control. With the help of trusted, supportive therapists, medication and the 12-steps, I was able to eventually meet my goals. It took a while and it was a lot of self-discovery along the way.
12-step programs helped me to arrest my addictions. The self-destructive routines and behaviors controlled my life and it was killing me. I wouldn't have had successful recovery without that in place.
Best of luck to you.