Anxiously New

Hi. I am really anxious about socializing online (and offline), so please be gentle with me. I don't handle conflict or confrontation well at all, and the first sign of trouble, I'll likely disappear. I'm really not...adept, at socializing, here or in the real world. And more often then not make horrible, embarrassing mistakes. If my anxiety is too distressing, I probably won't stick around like at the last psych forum I joined for a couple of days.

I have near debilitating social anxiety. Well, I mean, I hold a job and function, but sometimes its just barely so. I've been considering quitting my job the past month but tell myself "Hold on, hold on. Two people just quit, you're the best footwear associate, they need you." I mentioned moving sooner than January and management practically begged me to stay for the holidays. It's nice to be so valued and needed, which has been a rarity in my life. So I'm doing my darn best to hold on and see it through. I don't really have to work at this point, I could collect SSI and pay my bills. I choose to work, although it causes me a lot of psychological distress, there are benefits too, aside from a pay check.

Along with social anxiety, I also have bipolar type II with psychotic features, schizoid personality disorder, and PTSD with dissociative features...and ADD. OCD tendencies but my therapist is hesitant to diagnose me with anything else since I've already got a list. These are the disorders I have, but who I am...I'm an artist, writer and philosopher. I love reading science fiction, about ancient history and the scientific revolution and astronomy. I also enjoy studying European folklore and pre-Christian religions/cults. I'm really nervous about letting people get to know me. I'm fairly awkward, but people tell me I'm a sweetheart so I suppose it could be worse.

Thank you for reading. I'll take a look around to see if I can get comfortable.

Hello,

welcome to PF! (I love your username, by the way.)

I hope you feel comfortable here. I first arrived in 2012, freshly diagnosed with bipolar, a pile of shaky questions and terror. Another forum I tried – well – they didn't seem very kind or patient for someone like me. But here I feel at home. So I hope you will as well!

Social anxiety, PTSD and bipolar all in one? Wow. That's like... me. But you've got even more on your plate. Big hugs if wanted. I am very impressed to hear you're working – I've been on disability since my diagnosis.

Greetings!

Dear PreciousHedgehog:

I liked reading your post. This site is so big, so many, many forums and not too many active members in most. I check the OCD forum and other Anxiety forums once in a while, reply to posts and often I get no replies. I hope you are reading this and that you can get some benefit here.

One good feature here is that once you mark "Notify me when a reply is posted" below, you do get a notification in your personal email account.

I like your honesty, in your post and the fact that you have such high regard to being employed. I hope you continue at the job, as it has benefits, other than the paycheck (your words).

I will share my list of diagnoses: OCD, Tourette Syndrome, Borderline Personality Disorder, Depression (all kinds, I forgot the exact titles), Anorexia, Bi Polar (I disagree with this one) and my favorite (just kidding), when I was 20: "I can't tell you what it is, but it will get worse and you will not know it will be getting worse." Yes, that was it.

Anyway, welcome and if you reply to me, I will get a notice and reply back to you, any time, every time.

atina