Hello there!

hi.
My forum-name is Nenhwa. I´m female, thirty years old and my mother tongue is German, so.. sorry for my maybe incorrect articulation. hope not to say things , I don´t really mean..( corrections are always welcome )
I got here by link while I was searching for a place, for people who maybe know similar difficulties as I do. There are many German communities, but I couln´t find one ,that fairly fits to me.. maybe I am too difficult, maybe my problems too special in detail? I dont know..
since the age of 13/ 14 I´ve been suffering from depression, social anxieties, self-doubts, and so much more... I began therapie when I was 23, so I was exposed to this monster "Depression" for abot 10 years. I had noone to talk to about my feelings and moods and nobody saw what was happening within me, because I hid my sadness and distress behind a mask of kindness.I felt deeply lost like someone drowning everyday anew.
Today I feel better, but there still are many difficulties..
I`m afraid of relationships, I cannot handle nearness very well, though I am longing for it. its very ambivalent. tearing. I do have friends. a few.and there has been one, bassed on partnership, indeed, but I tend to break and destroy relations that get to close.
my psychiatrist supposes me to have Posttraumatic Stress Disorder. but its not proved...
...some sentences about me.
hope my English is not too hard to understand.
thnx for reading
see ya
Yours Nenhwa