Where Should I Begin? :) *tw*

Hello everyone; this is my first post here!

I joined because someone had suggested to me that it seems I have symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder, but this was after one conversation with the person. Nonetheless, when I researched to see what BPD was like, I found this forum in the process.

I'm not sure where I should start though. I have never really been a part of a forum before.

When I was 16-17, I went to a doctor and he prescribed me anti-depressants so I assume I was diagnosed with clinical depression. I never heard the words "clinical depression" from his mouth, but he did give me a prescription for anti-depressants, and other therapists told me I was depressed.

I haven't been diagnosed with anything since then but I do feel like I have emotional distress often throughout the year. These are just some of the problems I have affecting my mental health:

1. At this moment, I'm nervous about posting on the forum - afraid I will be rejected
2. I am also paranoid that my bf will somehow be able to find my forum posts, find out it's me, etc.
3. Some days I want to be left completely alone
4. Other days I am super friendly and go out of my way to be nice to people (I am prone to buying people food, gifts, etc. in hopes that they will see me as a good, kind person that they will want to be friends with)
5. I recently have had brief thoughts of suicide, when I was younger I had a plan for it (pills) and I think a letter, if I recall correctly...
6. I have said to family, friends, and my bf that I wanted to kill myself
7. I hate how I look and sometimes I obsess over improving one body part for days, then I forget, then move on to a different body part - I get very emotional and cry over it and get very irritable
8. I don't go out with friends anymore - this is not because I don't want to; it's because I fear how my bf will react based on past incidences
9. I broke up with my bf twice - both times I asked for him back
10. I want every guy I'm physically involved with (even casual encounters) to only want me and no one else
11. I want most guys to have a crush on me (even if I am not attracted to them) and I do whatever I can to give a good impression and make it happen
12. When I was younger, I dropped out of high school because I would be absent one day and it would snowball until I was too anxious to go to class and afraid I would get "in trouble" - however, I have since graduated from college with high marks
13. I really care about being there for people and helping people feel happy/good/accepted/not judged, but I find I am always the friend with the problems who needs a shoulder to cry on - never the other way around

This is just the tip of the iceberg I guess. But I'm wondering which subforums I should post to in order to express my feelings and current issues.

Thank you to anyone who reads and/or responds to this!