hewwo...I suppose I will introduce myself

I'm not very good at introductions, so I guess I will start witha little background and why I'm h.ere. My name is fyre, a 29 yr old mother of 2. I am diagnosed with depression, social anxiety, and ptsd. I have not been diagnosed with, but I have some Borderline traits (abandonment fears, splitting, pushing people away when they get too close, self harm and feeling like I don't exist or like an alien). I also have some dissociative issues. My mom has bpd and was emotionally abusive and neglectful. She told me that she had me so that someone would love her and never leave her. So my job was to take care of her until bout 5 yrs ago when she got on disability. I feel like I am very messed up and no one seems to understand. I have been to therapy, but am currently not seeing a therapist. The treatments they offer don't seem to be doing a good enough job. It seems like this thing is simply too big. I don't seem to fit anywhere completely, so it's hard for me to find something that works well. I don't have a pd, so everyon e dismisses trying any of those treatments , but just trauma therapy and meds and help with depression doesn't help either. I am frustrated and feel very isolated . I am very aware that I overreact, am sensitive, low self esteem , get triggered a lot, etc. That doesn't seem to help me to stop though, or get better. I came here for people to talk to who maybe understood, have advice sometimes, validation, and for hope. Yeah....ummm.. so now that I babbled for a while... thanks for reading