Newbie Introductions

Hello everyone~

I have a lifelong history of clinical depression and GAD. I am in my late 40's and work as a nanny. Misdiagnosed as bipolar for three years. Luckily, I am getting better care with a new pdoc. I had been posting on a smaller forum for a while, but was looking for something more active with lots of different perspectives. Nice to be here.

Hi everyone, sorry if my english sucks...
My name is Miladin I'm 19 soon 20 years old, I come from Balkans (europe).
My father died in Bosnia war 1993, I grow up with my mother and older brother.
When I was 17 years old I was diagnosed with depression and social fobia. I was taking troughout 6 months,
zoloft, xanax, lexilium, eglynol and bromazephan..don't know if I spelled it good. I was in a relationship with one
girl troughout that time..it was hell, my jeleousy and crazines was enormeous. When we brocked up I sterted smoking marijuana to ease my pain. I recently find out that I acctually have Borderline personality disorder but it was not diagnosed, cause doctors around here have no clue about it. I was in cutting myself, occults, drugs and alcohol abuse, fights, vandalism and all that.
My anger outburst are so intensive. I'm very kind and emotional person acctually but BPD is just killing me. I'm again in relationship with my old girl and I really love her and she loves me, she is aware of my disorder. But anyway it's that inner war
that I lead with myself. Nobody knows about this disorder around here and they would all think that Im crazy if I was about to try something. I just want it to stop...
Anyway sorry for this long introduction, just hoppe I will ease my pain here and find like minded poeple.

Uh. I guess this is the part where I introduce myself and tell you about me. not really any good at it, but I'll give it a shot

Hello I've not been diagnosed with anything (possible YET there) as I'm still building the courage to go to see a doctor. After much research, I've landed at some kind of personality disorder - possibly avoidant, but there could be anyone out there I don't know about.

I supposed I started searching for answers when I realised how different I seem to be from other people. I find it difficult to interact with others - I don't understand things or see things the way other people do. I guess I just don't 'get' other people. I don't have a lack of empathy, far from it. I think I feel things a lot more acutely than some - though that may not be saying much considering the state of the worlds social systems

I find that I tend to seem abrupt, or other socially inappropriate way, to other people, but I don't know about it until the other person yells at me for acting like I haven't done anything (which you would do if you didn't know you'd done something wrong, right?) or they tend to avoid/ignore me.

I find it difficult to keep friends and relationships going for different reasons.

The main problem I have with finding help and dealing with my problem, is that I have thoughts on WHY I do or say or think things, but I just don't think that other people would understand. I don't know if anyone would understand that I don't want to spend time with them because I'm happier on my own, or that it's too much effort trying to be friends with other people because I know I'll have to watch every single word or gesture or facial form.

I spend my time in books, reading, playing video games, writing, or in my head. All solitary activities, I know, but that's what I know.

I suppose my isolation is partly to do with the fear of rejection. If I don't try, I won't fail. After hearing NO for the millionth time, I suppose it could affect anyone...

For now, I slowly build my courage to ask for help, so I've come here (to hid behind a screen-name ) and to see if anyone can offer advice in aid of my search. And to give aid to those who (like me) haven't been able to find anyone else like them


So, that's me I tend to write alot, as I like details - I hope it was okay

Requiem of a dream Welcome to the forum. This is a great place to ease your pain and find empathetic support.

GreyAwareness, Welcome to you as well. It takes Courage to Search for answers. I am sure you will find some insights here.

With Care,
One

*peeps in* Just realized I didn't introduce myself...

I'm Eisa. I'm 22, and I'm graduating with my B.A. in psychology in May. It's always so ironic to me that my degree is in psychology, and yet I haven't a clue of understanding myself. Anyway...

Actually, you could better call me a "we." I have at least 6 other insiders. They all seem to be littles/tweens. Maybe a teenager or two. It's...very odd sometimes. We haven't been "officially" diagnosed, because we don't have a therapist and the chances of finding one here that's conversant in any way with dissociative disorders is slim. Our last therapist was supposed to be an "expert in trauma," and she wanted us to tell her all the details of what our father did in the first visit. Not even. The therapist before that, we saw longer--we tried to tell him that I involuntarily felt like different ages AND people, and he ignored it. Again...way to go, budding young therapist, that's a GREAT way to start out.

Anyway. I feel like I have a laundry list of things wrong with me. DID/DDNOS [we're pretty sure it's DID, but since we haven't been properly Dxed, we still add the "DDNOS" usually], PTSD, complex PTSD, recovering from EDNOS [still not all the way there...are you EVER all the way there?], depression [not so bad now], social anxiety, generalized anxiety it seems, random phobias related to abuse and trauma, subclinical OCD problems, struggles with self-injury...I think that's it. My physical health issues seem to include gastroparesis, lactose intolerance, vulvodynia, migraines, exercise-induced asthma, clubfeet, possible Raynaud's & possible CFS/fibro [again...finding a competent doctor is difficult here ], and...eh, that's good enough.

Beyond annoying and frustrating, let me tell you... Bad enough to have any ONE of them, having ALL of them sucks, and even more so when we're still expected to go to school, make good grades, get a job, at least kind of get along with our roommates, etc. Also, I have a bf who I love very much. So that's like one spot of happiness in this. <3

We like to sing. And read. We LOOOOVE to read. We're rereading the Percy Jackson & the Olympians series, and we read the second book last night in less than an hour. That was awesome. We like to write, too, especially Harry Potter fanfiction, apparently.

We had a rotten childhood. Which led to rotten things in adulthood. That's enough about that, I'll say, but it's a lot better now. So that's good.

Anyways, hi. *waves*

Eisa, welcome aboard! I am sure you will find lots of support/friends here. We have TONS of members who manage very well with the conditions you described. Looking forward to knowing you better!
With care,
One

Eisa wrote:*peeps in* Just realized I didn't introduce myself...

...

Anyways, hi. *waves*

*Waves Back*

Hi im Luis

About me:
Im a family man with one son
working on my associates in mental health
i love to socialize

Hi.. I have been variously diagnosed with Bipolar!, PTSD, co dependent, child of alcoholics, compulsive overeater, incest survivor, social phobic...

Was on lithium for 25 years til my hair started falling out... then on depakote, then on topamax, then on Empower plus, now on Tegretol...

Lead a fairly isolated but serene life.. moved to the Dominican Republic,. in part because I could not get health insurance. Have been on minimum medication for the last 7 years. Doing ok.. At least keeping the mania at bay.. But now feeling a bit depressed.

Had a brief love affair, of 4 months, but he just moved in and I simply need my peace and quiet,, now feeling very lonely

Do writing *for pay_, spend time on the net, teach one class taking another.

I am mostly feeling isolated and need to start interacting more with others.. even if it is just in cyberspace

thanks to all of you for being there.

Welcome Manatee,
I hope you enjoy your time here!
With care,
One