Fallen Apart

I'm having a bad day again today. I read another post from a newbie on the forum and all the emotions I felt these past 4 months came flooding back - like I was right back to the day and time when he told me he never wants to see me again... It hurts so much again! WTF? I got a new boyfriend and started to move on with my life - planning my life without him and then suddenly...

My new boyfriend happened to live in the exact same street as my ex - how in this whole world - in a city with 6 million people - could I pick another guy that also lives there? Why does God make me remember and go through everything again? It hurts.

I hate him for leaving me but I still love him and want him back. Why? I thought I was moving on and forgetting and then today... I took my anti-depressant pills faithfully so why does it suddenly hurt so much again? I like my new boyfriend but I know that if my ex walks through this door right now and says he wants me back I will not hesitate to go back. How can life be so cruel? In a way I will always look for my ex in every new man I may be with. But I want him back

Hi Thexena,
there is so much more to life than boyfriends. It seems to me that you go from one emotional relationship to the next one. What are your dreams? what do you want to learn? is there a place you want to visit? people, are humans and one way or the other will disappoint you, so you need to be strong enough to remain standing when this happens...because we also disappoint other people, not wanting to. You feed a lot of negative feelings in yourself, and that can only make you feel worst.

It is the loss of your ex not to have chosen you. this you have to repeat every day. ...and i am sorry to say this, but it is not Gods' fault if we make wrong choices. he has given us the freedom and the will to choose. Ask him for wisdom and serenity. Life is better than what you have seen or chosen until now.

a big hug!

Louise, the one thing I wanted most in life is now forever lost - since before I can remember i kept telling people I wanted to be a mommy when I grew up - and now that will never happen. I wanted to go to Japan to escape this pain but my dead-end, below poverty job, prevents me from saving money to do this.
As you can see, my big dream of being a mom IS directly linked to men - and no man wants me anymore. I have nothing more to live for. I have no more hopes or dreams. I have no future. All my highschool friends are married and when I see pictures of their children I die inside. I want what they have so badly. My younger sister is getting married in a month and that just rubs salt in the wounds. What is a life without hope?

Thexena wrote:Louise, the one thing I wanted most in life is now forever lost - since before I can remember i kept telling people I wanted to be a mommy when I grew up - and now that will never happen. I wanted to go to Japan to escape this pain but my dead-end, below poverty job, prevents me from saving money to do this.
As you can see, my big dream of being a mom IS directly linked to men - and no man wants me anymore. I have nothing more to live for. I have no more hopes or dreams. I have no future. All my highschool friends are married and when I see pictures of their children I die inside. I want what they have so badly. My younger sister is getting married in a month and that just rubs salt in the wounds. What is a life without hope?

Dear Thexena,
with the years passing you will realize that very few people get what they wanted...and sometimes at the end is not what they thought it would be.
I think the art lies in doing the best of what you get.

my life is not at all what I envisioned when young,
but there are many good things that I can give thanks for.

for every negative thing, you have to force yourself to see five good ones...
this will help you to polish the crystal of your eyes,
life is not easy,
if we do not make the effort to bring forth the positives, we could get drawn.

media plays a rol in our expectations, but tv is tv and no real life.
being a mother, does not depend on boys,
it depends on your attitude toward others around you, towards life,
towards everything.
my sister dream was the same, she has not only helped a lot of people through very hard times, she is now the mother of my mother, my mom is dement and she jokes that she is her child.
.....strange, but life gives many many turns, but I believe firmly, that what we get, is only a step that brings us closer to our better self.
give yourself the chance, to receive, to learn, to give,......
and never say never!!!

From what I've read, you've had a harder life than the average person, and you've had to deal with more because of it. I agree with loise that a big part of life is learning to think of yourself more positively. I struggle with that sometimes too. While I am mostly positive towards myself, there are also always going to be situations and people in my life that bring me to feel less of myself. If I allow that to control my own perspective of myself, there's no room to grow emotionally independent.

It's a hard lesson to learn, but at the end of the day the only person who can truly decide that they're going to hurt you is yourself. You have lived your whole life in an environment that does not allow you to reach your full potential, but that doesn't have to stop you from reaching deep within yourself and developing your own sense of independence. :3 You have control over how you think of yourself, and don't let anyone else's opinions of you influence you to the point where you lose your own sense of well-being and happiness.