badbrains [1]

The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.

No one can ever know for sure what a deserted area looks like.

I've been working on accepting my inner scumbag.

Test of metal:
# Will of iron
# Nerves of steel
# Heart of gold
# Balls of brass

Most people are not particularly good at anything.

Life is short. Sorry. Life is not short, it's just that since everything else lasts so long -- mountains, rivers, stars, planets -- life seems short. Actually life lasts just the right amount of time. Until you die. Death on the other hand, is short.

I finally accepted Jesus. Not as my personal savior, but as a man I intend to borrow money from.

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain -- and most fools do.

I have come up with a single sentence that includes all of the seven deadly sins:
greed, anger, pride, lust, gluttony, sloth, and envy. Here it is.
"It enrages me that I, a clearly superior person, should have less money than my neighbor,
whose wife I would love to ###$ if I weren't so busy eating pork chops and sleeping all day."

I always wanted to be a procrastinator, but i never got around to it.

Just when you think you've hit bottom, someone tosses you a shovel.

Never criticize your wife's faults.
It might have been those faults that kept her from getting a better husband.

What's the speed of dark?

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education

Education is a progressive discovery of our ignorance.

It's a small world -- unless you gotta walk home.

Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.

With proper diet, rest, and exercise a healthy body will last a lifetime.

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

We find comfort among those who agree with us; growth among those who don't.

Education is a better safeguard of liberty than a standing army.

Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

You can't have everything - where would you put it?

I prefer the errors of enthusiasm to the indifference of wisdom.

I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use one.

If you never change your mind, why have one?

Imagination is the only weapon we have in the war against reality.

When you go into court you're putting yourself in the hands of 12 people
who weren't smart enough get out of jury duty.

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

Can a stupid person be a smart-ass?

Violence is the last refuge of the ignorant.

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash,
why isn't the whole damn airplane made out of that stuff?

I’m desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify.

Dogs lead a nice life. You never see a dog with a wristwatch.

In the beginning there was nothing. God said, Let there be light! And there was light. There was still nothing,
but you could see it a whole lot better..

Hate your job? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody and they meet at a bar.

Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.

If we don’t want to define ourselves by things as superficial as our appearances, we’re stuck with the revolting alternative of being judged by our actions.

Advertising: The science of arresting the human intelligence long
enough to get money from it.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Ever notice that "what the hell" is always the right decision?

It's better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you're stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.

Power corrupts. But absolute power,
Is actually pretty neat.

Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum -- "I think that I think, therefore I think that I am."

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather...Not screaming in terror like
the passengers in his car.

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

If confusion is the first step to knowledge, I must be a genius.

We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'...till you can find a rock.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't

Pardon my driving, I am reloading.

It costs to be stupid. The stupider you are, the more it costs.

Life's but a walking shadow. A poor player who struts and frets his
hour appon the stage,and then is heard no more.
A tale told by and idiot,all sound and fury, signifying nothing [shakespeare]

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe. [einstein]

Ignorance is the mother of devotion.

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Children aren't happy without something to ignore, and that's what parents were created for.

Beware the man of one book.

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.

Wit is educated insolence.

Truth springs from argument amongst friends.

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought.

In a mad world, only the mad are sane.

We're all ###$. It helps to remember that.

Hope. When ‘anything is possible’ clashes with ‘$#%^ happens’. And prevails. [boaz]