Getting off antidepressants

How hard is it to get off antidepressants?

I don't even know how many years I've been on them for and I've tried to many times to stop and I've got down to a really low dose and then I get really ill again so each time my psychiatrist has to make my dosage higher.

I believe I only use them to sleep but I know that trying to stop just messes my head up.

I'd love to know my own brain in a drug less way. I feel as though I haven't met myself for about the last 35 years.

Anyone else feel like me?

I was on antidepressant/anti-anxiety meds from 1991-2004. I felt well enough to stop them and continue going to 12-step meetings for 'maintenance' instead. I knew that if I needed to, I could always go back on them at anytime.
Discuss this with your doctor. Some classes of antidepressant behave differently than others. Lowering the dose is easier on some more than others. Be flexible. Consider that you may not be ready to stop them quite yet.
I began Sertraline (Zoloft) last year because of suggestions of friends and my own observations and patterns changed.
I felt that my mind was beginning obsessive thoughts. My thinking was always too cluttered and 'busy'. My sleep was also suffering.
After a few months, I was told that people saw an improvement in my demeanor. I felt the same, but my mind wasn't racing like it was before. It is unobtrusive and not a narcotic.
If it is helping you, you might want to make peace with having to continue it. Discuss your desires and options with others. Get feedback.
Best of luck to you.