Living with a spouse that has multiple issues...

New guy here... I am married to a woman that has had issues since her first child. Issues include anger, self-inflicted injury, self-esteem, and most recently (the item that got her committed for a week at the hospital), the strangulation of a guinea pig. She's getting ready to see someone (phychologist), and is on some meds, but, her current thoughts are that her problems stem from our relationship. I find it hard to understand how we can work on our marriage before she works out her internal issues. Serious crossroads here regarding relationship and dealing with mental illness. Anyone dealt with something similar to this? Thanks for any input! ~ Rico

Sorry, it was I that posted the above message, I forgot to log in when I did it.

Hi Rico..I'm sort of in the same boat, although my husband is "just" bipolar and hasn't had the same kinds of problems your wife does. We have only been married six months, known each other for 2 years total...and he went hypomanic on me (something I had never seen him do) and had an "emotional affair" that could have easily been physical. I didn't even know him while he was in that state. It has been very confusing to say the least.

We got him to a pdoc last week and his meds got adjusted, and now he seems more like "himself", but the whole episode has raised a host of issues about our marriage. I agree with you that there is not much you can do about your marital problems until she gets help with her psychological stuff.I am hoping that with his doctors' help he can sort out exactly how he feels about us, our marriage, relationships in general, sex, and a host of other things that he has had some very twisted view about all his life due to his bipolarity, and his denial of his illness.

The only thing you can do is what I am doing. Do your utmost to get her the professional help she needs. Be there, be loving and supportive as you can be, and realize that whatever is going on with her, it has NOTHING to do with you and EVERYTHING to do with her illness.

Of course, somewhere in there you have to decide just how much you can personally put up with. May I suggest you get some counseling of your own to help you deal with all this. I am on my way to my own couseling appointment this morning ...you have to have some outside professional help yourself, preferably from someone who also understands the type of problems your wife is having.

For myself, I will hang in there and educate myself about my husband's illness as much as I can, and unless he strays again, I feel I can "handle" a little insanity. ( I find "normal"people somewhat boring, alas. I seem to attract slightly "off" , creative people , go figure )

Spouse here.

Well okay frist off its hell yes i'll admit it. Its crazy its stressful it will drive you out of your mind (sorry for the pun) What you got to do is simple be careing, loveing and understanding. Times will be tuff and you will be drive to the brink but it isn't their fault Love will over come if you give it enough faith. Try Try Try. Never give up on them.

THe thing that's killing me now, Phoenix, is that he is still obsessed with this damn chick. I emailed her and asked her to please leave us alone (she has her own boyfriend she thinks is her soulmate),and she promised she would, and she managed to do it for all of 2 weeks. THen he comes home last night talking to the little ^^*&* on his cell phone. She didn't want him to let me know it was her because of her "promise". Neither I nor her boyfriend are happy with thier so-called "friendship". THey are both so busy patting each other on the back about how wonderfully they are "changing" themselves for the better its disgusting. He talks so sweet to her it makes me literally ill. And then he turns on me with emtional abuse and his talk of moving out etc etc, and yet he still tells me he loves me. Yes its driving me crazy. My family and friends all want me to dump him. I want to be there for him but his actions are killing me. Why can't this chick just go away and mess up someone else's life?

My husband says he's not obsessed with her, but then he says he thinks about her every day wondering how she is and can't stand it until he hears from her. Sounds like obsession to me. He's only had one session with the pdoc and that was 2 weeks ago. He's suppsed to go back next Monday..we thought it was yesterday and he went all the way there and we were wrong. Now he wants to move his next apt. out another week.

I just don't know how much more of this I can stand. My heart gets ripped out every time he talks to her and he just gets cold and dosn't care about anyone but himself and this little "friend".

I got so low last night I was wishing I would just die and solve all my problems. Been seeing a couselor myself but it just isn't really helping. I don't know how long I can go on like this. I wish I really knew if he loved me or not, or if there was any hope for us down the road. I don't want to spend the rest of my life in misery.