What happens now?

Hi
I'm new to this forum and I suffer from bipolar, otherwise I wouldn't be here, but I'm at a crossroads, well I've been stuck here for what seems like eternity.

I have tried lithium, depakote, numerous anti-deps but they either don't work, or have debilitating effects on my physical health, so for the past four weeks I have been med free, not good. I've tried being positive but finding it very difficult.

I'm now looking at ECT, which my partner does not want me to even entertain, which is I feel is very cruel, he just wants the old me back, the one he met before I had my first manic episode over three years ago and frankly I have given up trying to make him feel better about the fact that I have BP. We have a son together and all my little boy see's is either me down, high or stressed, even when on medication, nothing seems to work. I'm also making assumptions that my partner might be a trigger factor as he just does not know when to shut-up and if I'm having a good day, then he assumes I'm better, d'uh. The only reason I'm in the relationship still is because of my son, as I've never looked after him by myself and the thought of leaving him with his dad (who is fully capable of looking after him) feels me with an all consuming guilt.

If I'm rambling please bare with me, as I am unsure which way to turn. I know I need medical intervention but the meds don't work and what else is there for me to try, which direction now, in fact my mind is so busy that it has turned into a blur and I am on the verge, well nearly to total shut-down, but the sake of my family I'm trying to keep it together, but somethings gotta give. You see if I'm not happy and saying everythings fine, then my family including my parents become stressed, which in turn affects me, it's like I'm blamed for suffering from BP, now I know that's not right.

Please any advice.

Millilfan,

How long have you been on medication? When did you start taking it? How many years ago?

I have the same problem. But I suffer from borderline personality disorder, and all the meds I've tried don't seem to work. I've been on anti depressants, anti anxiety and antipsychotics and nothing seems to work for me. I always suffer from the side affects. Even the meds I'm on now give me side effects, which are kinda personal. Have you been on meds long? I think that if you feel ECT is the last option (not familiar with ECT) then I'd say talk to a doctor and then go from there. Good luck

"The only reason I'm in the relationship still is because of my son"

I'd advise you to get out of the relationship because it's not fair to your spouse,and not good for your son.