New, and confused

I have not been diagnosed. I am 24 and female. I have an IQ of about 120. I suffer from anxiety, paranoia/mild paranoid fantasies, sproadic mild hallucinations(not drug induced), avoidant behavior, violent thoughts, narcisstic behavior, hair pulling and am an exish-Self injurer with a drug background(clean for 2 years.) I just want to talk to someone who understands.

Hello and welcome to the site... you can talk to me since I can somewhat relate to you (I also suffer from paranoia and anxiety, also narcissism possinle NPD) I have been diagnosed with borderline personanlity disorder.

Feel free to talk to me when ever you want.

Thanks for replying. I came here because these problems are interfereing with my daily life, work, family, going to the store... it is all so difficult. I have ideas and things that I want, but I haven't been able to realize any of them. The only thing that I feel like I have is the eternal patience and love of my partner. He is the only one I can tolerate, lol. I just don't know what to do to get more out of life. Anyway how have you handled things??

I am similar to you in some ways. I have a fair amount of anxiety, especially around people or future events with people. I've been clean for many years through AA/NA. Do you go to any 12 step program? Many people think I am smart. I have a lot of focus, so I accomplish my dreams. Others would just say I'm an overachiever. In a 5 year peoiod I read almost 1000 books--almost all nonfiction. The information in my head often makes my thinking worse. Sometimes I appear quite dumb because I am a slow thinker, not quick on my feet. Learning a lot of stuff about many different fields has not speeded up my thinking. Most of my worry is around talking to people and not being quick on my feet. My mind sometimes freezes up on me. However, I do function in normal life. I have to push myself out of the door, but I do show up for life.
Good Luck,
Jim S

How do you do it. I am a quick thinker, a problem solver. But I think that comes for being compulsive about imagining every possible out come and having the solutions ready, even for things that aren't going to happen in the forseeable future. I don't think that I was ever physically addicted to the drug(Meth), because I just stopped, looked around, said this is costing me way to much and quit. I don't miss doing the drug, smelling it now makes me ill. What I do miss terribly is that social aspect of it. As a kid I was a quiet angry loner type, with drugs I was more outgoing, my paranoid attitude was acceptable and I liked the human interaction. Back off the drug, means I am back to being paranoid, angry and alone all by myself. I had a pretty bad day to day, New Orleans has me all worked up and happy/hopeful. Gas prices have me angrily conflicted. At work today at break I had an ant crawling on me(i like bugs.) The woman next to me tried to brush it off, and I said "Don't touch me." She, just trying to be nice, said to hold still, so I shouted "Don't touch me!" It made everyone uncomfortable and I hurt the womans feeling some. I thought/think that it was funny. That kind of thing happens all the time.

hi,

it sounds like you have lots of things going on, many different areas all at once. Talking to a professional about your feelings can help give you a perspective on them. It really does help, but it takes time unfortunately to a) find someone who actually knows what the hell you are talking about and b) start to trust them enough to share things.

This is something that could help you interact with other people better.

You said that New Orleans has you happy hopeful. DO you think you could expand on that part. Didn't quite follow that part.