struggling

This has been an awful day!!! School didn't go very well, and on the way home, my sister hit another car. It scared me so bad!! No one got hurt, and it wasn't that bad of a wreck, but it still freaked me out. It sux so bad!! And I still have stupid homework to do, but I don't feel like doing it. I don't feel like doing anything. I'm just numb. I feel like a zombie. I can't eat, I can't cry, I can't smile, I can't do anything. I just wish this was a nightmare and that I could wake up. We were just in a fliipping wreck in february, and now it's happened again!! I can't take this anymore. And both wrecks were our fault!!! This is the second wreck I've ever been in, and it's only been 6 months since the last. We just got the friggin' car painted!! And my sister is all upset, and I just can't take this anymore. School sucked today, and that sucked!! How the heck am I supposed to keep going? I can't take much more of this. I don't know why all of this crap is happening to me. I just wish it would stop.

LATER

I'm still not feeling well at all. I'm just sick of everything. Sick of life in general. People were really annoying me today!! I never want to go back to school. I hate it there. I really hate it!! I'm gonna have to get help some how, because I can't deal with life for much longer. I'm messed up. really messed up right now. I'm so sick of everything. I need some encouragement right now. I just want to quit school, and be homeschooled again. I hate to admit it, but I just can't deal with it anymore. I'm really upset. I'm scared that I'm way mroe screwed up that I thought I was. I'm just upset and I don't feel like going on. I'm not considering killing myself or anything, but I'm not at all happy.

I may not be trying to help people so much for a while, because I'm having such a hard time. I feel completely hopeless right now. I know it will get better, but I just can't see it happening.

I'm just sick of everything. Seriuosly. Nothing on earth is making me happy right now. I feel so upset and hopeless. HOw about I supposed to keep going. I can't deal with it anymore. I haven't been able to deal wtih it in a long time. It's getting to be too much. I don't care about anything right now, and I hate myself for that. Nothing is appealing to me right now. Nothing at all. Thankfully, that includes self-injury and suicide, but unfortunately it also includes everything else too. I'm miserable. Completely and totally miserable!!!

I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. Or in the words of Jim from rebel without a cause "it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter".

I feel so low. I'm sick of everything. I don't care about anything. I hate myself for being this way, I don't care if it's my fault or not.

I'm so sick of everything. When is this over? how much more do I have to take. Please somebody let me out. Please let me out, somebody. Please!!

I'm sorry to hear that you were in another accident.
Sometimes accidents just happen though, it's part of life. It's not the end of the world. Nobody got hurt, which is the important thing, so you need to put it behind you and try not to dwell on it.
Could it be that this seems like a bigger problem than it is because you are feeling overwhelmed by starting school?

You say that nothing on Earth is making you happy right now. From my Taoist perspective events are not linear but cyclical. Where it may seem to you that this is a straight line of one bad thing leading to another I see it as cyclical. When things get bad they can only get so bad before the cycle swings the other way and good things start happening.
Life for everyone involves a balance of good times and bad. The bad times can't go on forever without something good happening.
I hope you don't give up on school before you've given it a real chance. It may be the route that leads to a change in your fortunes, but only time will tell.

Oh, and don't neglect your homework!

Yeah. I know. I wasn't just upset about the accident though. I was upset about everything. I was starting to get depressed that morning, and it just kept getting worse I guess. And that just definately didn't help matters. Yesterday was definately terrible!! I felt so miserable. And even things that usually would make me happy, didn't effect my mood at all. So it wasn't just that I felt like nothing good was happening. It's just that when I get really down, nothing seems good or happy.

So basically, when I'm depressed, even if good things are happening, it doesn't feel good. And when I'm extremely happy, some things that aren't usually that cool, all of a sudden seem wonderful. Perspective thing I guess, or maybe not. IDK.

So far, I've been doing my homework and making good grades, but yesterday, I didn't get to study much,a nd I"m worried about how I did on my history quiz today.

Today I feel great!!! I feel really great!!

Element,
I'mglad you feel like you're back on top of things. I have found that I am what I think. My feelings come from what I am thinking. If I am feeling down and give in to thoughts of desparation...my feelings and mood will follow. If I thik positively my mood will change to a much more bearable perspective.

Have a fun filled weekend
Kathy

Hey Kathy.

I still don't feel like everything is under control and that I'm on top of things. But right now I do feel very nice!! But it just keeps getting bad and then great and then bad and then great. So I don't know what's going to happen in the next few weeks. I still get really nervous at school!!! But hopefully things are starting to get better. I just don't know. "it's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right, I hope you have the time of your life". Describes me, hopefully. lol

With me, it doesn't usually work that way. I usually just get really depressed or really happy, and then my thoughts follow. Sometimes I get extremely depressed, and I have no clue why, because nothing in particular is making me feel this way. I just can't figure out what it is, but everything that I think of at the time seems depressing, even if it's things that usually make me happy. And when I'm really really happy (like unusually happy and hyper, not just content and calm and happy like I am right now), depressing things USUALLY don't depress me.

Thanx,
cya later.
element

element wrote:It just keeps getting bad and then great and then bad and then great. So I don't know what's going to happen in the next few weeks.

You have just illustrated my point about life being cyclical perfectly!
We all like to believe that we have life under control but really much of our life is governed by random events. Nobody truly knows what's going to happen over the next few weeks.
It is this randomness that keeps life from getting dull. If you ask many happily married couples how they met many will say it was a chance encounter. Equally this randomness also brings about the bad times, but because they are by their very nature random there is no point worrying about what the future might bring.
As for your sisters car crash, while it may seem terrible now it probably won't be long before it becomes just another funny story that you tease your sister about.

I once had a clinical psycholigist who was teaching me the basics of cognitive behavioural therapy who explained it as learning how to choose your mood. The trick to being happy, he explained, is to always look for a single positive in any bad situation. The example he gave was getting caught in the rain without an umbrella. All those people with umbrellas' fail to see the beauty of the rainbow in the distance.

I like what quiet-loner said. They told me try to remember your great problems of a year ago or even a week ago. I never could without a lot of thought. Life rolls along.

I'm pretty hard to satisfy at times. I want to be in control and be able to predict everything that's going to happen. But, I get bored a lot if things are too calm.
Jim S

You have just illustrated my point about life being cyclical perfectly!
We all like to believe that we have life under control but really much of our life is governed by random events. Nobody truly knows what's going to happen over the next few weeks.
It is this randomness that keeps life from getting dull. If you ask many happily married couples how they met many will say it was a chance encounter. Equally this randomness also brings about the bad times, but because they are by their very nature random there is no point worrying about what the future might bring.
As for your sisters car crash, while it may seem terrible now it probably won't be long before it becomes just another funny story that you tease your sister about.

I once had a clinical psycholigist who was teaching me the basics of cognitive behavioural therapy who explained it as learning how to choose your mood. The trick to being happy, he explained, is to always look for a single positive in any bad situation. The example he gave was getting caught in the rain without an umbrella. All those people with umbrellas' fail to see the beauty of the rainbow in the distance.

Yeah, I guess that does make sense. Glad I could prove your point. lol

I see what you're saying about looking for the good in things, but it's really hard for me to explain this. It's just that when I get like that I can't see anything good. I've tried, and it just doesn't work. It's just like I'm not myself when it happens. I hate it.

Life feels a lot better right now. It's just confusing and everything. But I feel pretty good right now, other than one thing, but I don't really want to get into it 'cuz it'll take to long to explain, and I feel lazy. lol But I do feel pretty good right now.

I like what quiet-loner said. They told me try to remember your great problems of a year ago or even a week ago. I never could without a lot of thought. Life rolls along.

I'm pretty hard to satisfy at times. I want to be in control and be able to predict everything that's going to happen. But, I get bored a lot if things are too calm.
Jim S

Yeah, I know what you mean. It does get better. My life's just sort of complicated right now I guess. I'm a teen and like most other teens, I'm trying to find out who I am and where my place is in this world. And like other teens, this is really hard and confusing and complicated. And in addition, I think something's wrong with my head, but I'm just gonna keep going. Keep rolling. Keep breathing. Keep living. Keep going on.

My mood swings havfe been getting worse!! It's really bad. One minute I feel great, and then next I feel absolutely awful!! I've started hurting myself more too lately. I don't want to be like this. I just want to get help, but at the same time I don't. I'm just sick of being like this. And I've been getting soooo angry lately!! I'll just get really mad and then I get mad at myself for being so angry, and that's sometimes the time that I hit myself in the head over and over until I snap out of it. And sometimes I start hitting myself out of saddness, 'cuz i feel so bad for being so angry. I've also been having a big urge to organize lately. Whether I'm depressed or really happy, all I want to do is organize. When I'm happy I just get excited about it,a nd when I'm depressed, I think I'd feel better if I was more organized, for some dumb reason, or it just makes it worse that my room isn't just right or whatever. I really don't know what to do. This is just really hard, and I'm just sort of stuck. I'm confused and I don't know what to do.

Hi Element , I'm sorry to hear that you are having a hard time of things again. Do you know what is triggering these mood swings?
Have you ever considered trying a meditation class? It's a very good way of learning how to calm the mind and relieve stress.
Lots of towns have a Buddhist order or temple where you can learn meditation techniques. The nice thing about Buddhists is that they are usually very open minded and will quite happily teach anyone, regardless of religion, in their classes. You don't need to convert to Buddhism to take a class and they would certainly be respectful of your Christian views.
If there isn't a Buddhist group nearby you could try asking your school councellor (assuming you have one) if they know of somewhere you could take classes.