My wife has changed since she bacame a mother

I had a loving wife who used to love and respect me a lot. However, ever since she gave birth to our son who is 10 months old now, her bahavious has changed a lot. She is not toolerant towards me anymore, gets irritated and angry at the slightest pretext. Don't know wat's happened to her. Does every married woman change like that. Please guide me with any experience that you may have.

pretty much. yep.

10 months is about the age when things start getting chaotic. It doesn't let up till about age 3 1/2 or 4. The baby is exploring more because he can pull himself up and get into all those things he couldn't reach before but that have been fascinating him for months. They can also see more now too (taller so they can see over the top of tables and chairs). It's a whole new world out there and they are learning so many things so super fast that they just cannot stay focused on one thing for very long. Add to this the fact that their independence might be showing up a little for some things but they don't want to be separated too long from their Mom, you have a pretty frustrated worn out mom who prays for naptime. Oh....and naptimes start getting fewer and shorter about this time too. They love making messes. Food is something to play with...they are starting to show their personality more.

We are raising our granddaughter. She's 3. We raised 3 children of our own and I never had as much fun with them as I have been having with my granddaughter. I think it's because I don't take it as seriously this time around. It was wonderful before she started walking. Messes tended to stay on her blanket. Once they start walking, this all changes. I honestly don't know how mothers with twins or triplets do it. We used to have a little airplane she loved to sit in and spin around. Then one day she discovered that if she spun really fast she got dizzy and she was so excited. Only problem was, she would spin and puke. Then she'd laugh and do it all over again. We had to take the airplane away just to save the carpet and furniture. It's really fascinating though to watch them grow and learn.

Why not give your wife a day off? I mean an entire day from the time your son wakes up till he goes to bed. You do all the cleaning and cooking and taking care of the baby. It will not only give your wife some much needed rest but it might give you an idea of why she is so cranky all the time. But most of all, it will give your son a day with Dad that just can't be replaced in any other way. Even the most inexperienced Dad can manage one day. Babies are pretty durable actually and I'm betting he'll enjoy the break from Mom.

If you find that you survived it, you might try giving her a day off a couple times a month. Maybe an afternoon a week? If you are really magnanimous you might even try for one day a week. Once your wife gets over the idea that she is the only one who can take care of the baby properly, I bet she would stop being so cranky. Sleep is a wonderful healer.

::hugs::

shadoe

as a mum of four lively kids i feel educated to give u some advice on this lol.

having a child totaly changes a woman in so many ways.and the age your child is now is one of the most demanding.i remember feeling like id lost myself...i was just on auto pilot,washing,cooking,cleaning,changing nappies,etc etc.i didnt have time for myself let alone anyone else.i felt very resentful towards my partner.i was just completely worn out.and he would come home from work and be wondering why i was a grumpy snappy old grouch...well it was okay for him..he clocked off at 5pm..my job was 24/7.its not just physicaly draining either...as a first time mum its a bit of a shock to the system....you go from being an independant woman,making your own choices,looking after only yourself etc...to being relied upon,needed,etc.i found i lost my identity as a woman...i was now just a wife,mother,cook,cleaner...
your sex life takes a right dive because your exhausted...which in return deasnt help in your relationship...the closeness and loving times u spent together dwindle.but the good news is it does get better.

could your wife do with some time to spend on herself...to go out with friends,go get her hair and nails done,just get some good old fashioned retail therapy?.could you get a baby sitter say once a month even and go out for a while just the two of u?.these little things realy helped me to feel like myself again

take care x

Having kids is a LOT of work. They demand your attention at all times.....even when they are napping.....a lot of us moms are not able to do what is suggested...."when the baby is napping you should nap too"! What a laugh....when my girls napped....that was when I could REALLY get some work done around the house. You get up over and over at night for feedings or just to rock an upset little one....you are dealing w/ the normal dealings of the house....cleaning, errands, the list is never ending as to what is needed for your child!!

For me....I am VERY fortunate. I have an incredible husband. When he came home from work he was VERY attentive to his children and my needs. For me....I didn't so much want a break so that I could go lie down or go out w/ friends......I just wanted a break so I could continue on doing things around the house I wanted done....I'm a clean freak, what can I say! I felt like when he came home and helped take over w/ the kids....that was a breather for me. I could finally relax and do what I wanted to do around the house because if our daughters needed us....he would be there to help.

My husband was in a band when our 2nd daughter was born. But he gave that up. He realized he needed to sacrafice just as I was. Not that the sacrafice would be my staying home w/ our daughters and he'd be at work all day. He recognized that I was working all day too...even if that was out of our home w/ our daughter. So he made sure his evenings were free to be of help. Now our daughters are ages 4 and 7 and he just joined a band this spring...he gave up his music for 4 1/2 years or more so that he was there for our family more. Now that the girls are older and don't require the hands on attention that they did when they were babies....I mean...don't get me wrong....they require our love and attention at any age....but now it's in a different way then when they were babies! We all sleep at night for starters! Things are not as stressful as in the start and our schedules are opened up a little more to allow extra things in again and he's great at making daddy time w/ the girls.

I don't know. I guess my point is that you need to assess your and your wife's situation. You need to talk w/ her and find out what her needs are from you. Because you have to know that you are very much needed by her right now.....my husband used to say he didn't know what to do w/ the girls and couldn't wait til they were toddlers...then he could play w/ them. But he didn't let that keep him away from helping w/ feedings (we bottle fed)...rocking to sleep, bathtime, diapers, etc.

And maybe you feel you already come home from work and help out plenty and that's not the problem...but that's the point...you need to talk w/ your wife and find out what she could use from you to help the situation. What she feels she needs that she is possibly lacking! Maybe she feels you are not there enough and you can talk about ways you can play a larger role...or maybe she has no issue in that department and just feels everything is overwhelming even w/ your help. So maybe you can talk about ways to get her some "me" time....like the others that have logged in have mentioned! You can arrange to babysit so she can get out for herself or out w/ friends. But also consider a baby sitter so you both can go out and recapture yourself as a couple.

And one last suggestion. Consider hiring someone to come in and help your wife out during the day. This can be for as many or as few hours. Even just a couple hours one day a week can help out a lot! She can either feel free to do things around the house that she feels she can't get done w/ little one in tow.....or she can use that opportunity to get out of the house for a few hours during the week/day! My sister in-law has done this w/ her son...he's now 18 months and she started doing this when he was 9months old. She does everything from catching up on computer time or paying bills to going out shopping or meeting a girlfriend for lunch. She says it's just the perfect amount of time to reclaim a part of her sanity!!!!!!

Yes! A night out together is wonderful! We were lucky in that both our parents lived close by so they were glad to take the babies for an evening so we could go to dinner and a movie with friends.

I don't think my husband realized how important it was for me to get out and about until this one evening when our two kids were about 3 and 5 years old. We were going to a movie with another couple when we got stopped at a crossing. As the train approached, out of habit, I called out "OH, LOOK...a choo choo!" A lot of snickering and smirking ensued but as my husband pointed out later when we were home it was pretty evident I needed more "adult" companionship once in awhile.

::hugs::

shadoe

haha oh gosh that made me giggle...i once went to the shop for a bottle of milk...was waiting in a long queue...i was daydreaming out of the shop window and when i looked back everyone was looking at me...i was cradling the milk rocking it back and forth and patting its bottom!.

Look at what the pregnant woman has to go through, how her hormones get shot to hell (along with, maybe, her body). My ex-wife went through psychotic post-partum depression after the birth of her first child. If I was the wife, I'D want to KILL my husband. ;^) Look at what Andrea Yates did to HER kids. Pregnancy can really mess you up. And all relationship dynamics change after the kid.