scared shitless

everything is so dark , hard to see , your in a small boat out at sea ... you arnt sure why , theres massive waves crashing all about , but you fight you struggle , you give yourself to it , every muscle , every breath , you fight .. its all you can do , but is very dark now you cant see clearly , your terrably exhausted , your tired , for many many years your so tired now , your gasping for air , theres so much confusion , your will moves on but theres nothing left to do , crushing ... pounding reletless it is , it never stops ... its allways there ... you look at your paddle as if it makes no sence... you let it slide slowly from your finger tips , you watch it slowly fade away bobbing up and down in the crashing waves , into the darkness , dissapearing beyond , into that place you belong , where you can be free that deep and so very dark place that calls out to you day after day , relentless it is ... should i go i ask , should i let myself be free , and let my old tired soul rest , should i welcome this warmth ive allways wanted deep in my soul , it cries out to me after all , should i not listen ? the pain , the memories .. will all fade and the warmth will consume me if i do , it will all be over , soon , do you here the angles singing ? there crying out for me to rest , for me to tire for me to rest , theres a love i feel now , its in the calling , the only love ive ever felt , warms my heart , can you feel it ? do you feel it to ? most i feel the warmth , its all around me , secures me , makes me feel like i belong , apart of all that is , i belong here , its so strong now ... its been calling me since birth it seems like , im to tired to fight now , this battle was to strong for me , im so tired , rest ... can you feel it ? so tired now , i havnt the strength to lift my arm , so tired , its calling for me , do you see it ? do you feel it ? its warmth embrasses me as a loved one , it welcomes me , open arms , im so tired now , my fight seems gone , ive failed at everything that made sence in life , ive done what i could , so tired , do you see that bed , ive been longing for it though it wasnt clear untill now , sleep ... it comes everlasting , warmth , the embrace .... this ... NO!
i fight , with all i have , i find my paddle in this crazy storm , i make a run for it i try to survive ... but its so relentless ... it comes ... one day ... do you feel it ? do you see it ? it never stops ... do you understand who i am ? do you feel how i feel ?

my angels they surround me...my demons they have found me

~take me away~_but I'm not sure I really want to die
it looks like theres somebody/something on the other side desperately wanting you...its been stalking you and watching you since before you were born

you suck the life out of me.....and I'm not hanging on

slept so long...