Ashamed of being Bisexual

Well, I'm encouraged that you are not buying into the B.S. Just take your time and understand that even nature itself shows us certain truths that shouldn't be disregarded.

I know that there are some people who are bi-curious, some who are bisexual and there are those who of course are heterosexual and homosexual. I found that with my abuse I fell into another category which I wasn't even aware of hypersexual, I know that my abuse caused a lot of unknowns and uncertainties - I don't fully remember a lot of aspects for the abuse with the male and feel that it's because the trauma of that is something I am still yet to fully come to terms with.

I know that I do have a lot of confused and conflicted feelings and emotions about that part of my life and with time things will become clearer and I will gain a better understanding of them, it's just at this time I don't think that I would be capable of any male activity because I feel that those experiences are hidden far deeper and I am not going to try and bring them out in any ways with any sexual activity. I certainly have no problems with people being bisexual or even homosexual, it's just I still don't understand how I feel about it because the trauma of my abuse has aspects of that part of my life still clouded in a fog.

I am going to tell you a story that happened a couple of years ago. I have a cousin, an unseemly fellow, who has large gatherings around him at all times. I was at his residence one night and since I don't like any of his friends really I just sat away from the group on the couch. When I did I had a young man come sit next to me. He was obviously gay or something. When he came over I noticed it was because he felt uncomfortable. He was frightened of me because he knew who I was and what I was but he still felt the need to be closer to me. I asked him why he was near me and not over with the rest of the group. He stated that there was a certain individual over there that was talking shite about him, who hated him because of his sexuality. He expected for me to be sympathetic. Empathetic. Lol. I decided I would just be myself and maybe it would help his situation. I told him that particular individual did not have to like him. He did not have to accept him. He was startled. He wanted the regular contrived response to make him feel better. But he asked anyways. What do you mean? I said because of his choice to be who he was that society might not and does not have to accept you for who you are. He began to explain himself. He said as a young man he was kicked out of his house at an early age and was lonely. He said an older gentleman took him in and treated him nice at first but then began to make advances toward him. He wanted to be taken care of so he went along with giving in. It was his first homosexual experience. Afterwards he began to have more sex with different men for drugs and places to stay. He said he enjoyed it. He also had sex with women. Further he said it wasn't really fair. He felt taken advantage of (abused) but he got used to it and was comfortable with it. He really opened up. I knew why. It was because he was confused. I told him that maybe it was not fair, maybe it wasn't his fault, maybe it even was abusive but what now? He said what do you mean? I'm gay, I'm bi-sexual. That is just the way it is. You think I can just turn it off and go backwards and live differently? I didn't say anything. Nothing at all. He then said with a twinkle in his eye, you really think I can don't you? I then proceeded to say that it was up to him, that he probably could change if he wanted to, that he could control the destiny of his life. That to really piss off society, he could tell them all to go to hell with their labels and their preconceived notions and go ahead be celibate find a young lady, marry her and has two beautiful kids and a white picket fence. That this scenario could happen and it would be relishing for him to stick in society's collective eye and say I don't have to be what I have become. I can be what I want to be, because it is my choice. He smiled and said, you know what fudge them. I don't have to be gay just because I slept with men all my life. I don't have to if I don't want to. I said that is the spirit and he smiled again said thanks and went back to the group realizing that the confusion, the fog, the haze was all an illusion. He could be whatever he wanted. So can you. Society doesn't have to accept you, it won't in the long run. Be a virgin all over again. I am quite surprised how many people give up their virginity so cavalier like when they have the choice not to. Maybe you didn't. Maybe you were forced. Maybe you were overwhelmed. I am sure it is something terrible to feel like. I am sorry for all of that being within your soul, spirit, heart and mind. But you can overcome it and do what you want to do. Unless you like where you are now. Do people choose to be homosexual even though they know that it is a hard life? Yes, yes they do all the time. Do people get confused and conform to something that was forced upon them, namely their sexuality? Yes, yes they do all the time. Can one turn back the clock on their life and start over again and make things new and clear? Yes, I believe so. It can happen.

i wish i could convince someone of the control they have on their life so easily.

marshmellow wrote:i wish i could convince someone of the control they have on their life so easily.

The story might be more convincing if we knew for certain that his subject actually followed through with the advice given. It's really easy to be agreeable in the moment and make declarations to change. It's just as likely that are reformed homosexual woke up the next morning and continued his life as usual.... or he sought that nice family and pickett fence with another gay man.

agirlbyanyothername wrote:

marshmellow wrote:i wish i could convince someone of the control they have on their life so easily.

The story might be more convincing if we knew for certain that his subject actually followed through with the advice given. It's really easy to be agreeable in the moment and make declarations to change. It's just as likely that are reformed homosexual woke up the next morning and continued his life as usual.... or he sought that nice family and pickett fence with another gay man.

No doubt that would be a miracle. But usually my focus is helping people understand there is alternatives. That one flicker of self realization can grow. It is a seed planted that may grow. Someone else may water it. I must acknowledge that he may never shake the confusion he has in his life nor will he turn from his homosexual lifestyle but at least he knows he has a choice and has to own it, with all the consequences good or bad.

MMonroe,

To rid yourself of the shame of being bisexual, you need to cultivate the view that your society is legitimately wrong. The predominate view of mainstream, American society is that homosexuality is wrong, and so it is to you, it's as simple as that. Morality is socially constructed, and whether homosexuality should be wrong is irrelevant; it is, and you've internalized this view. Now you need to change it by changing your view of your society.

So regardless of what people tell you on here, you will internalize the views of mainstream society so long as you consider said society to be "right". People on here do not represent mainstream society, and so their encouragement and opinions are powerless to change your views or give you strength. Such encouragement and opinions are just the ramblings of the mentally ill - depoliticized statements.

The cure:

You may not have a choice when it comes to your sexuality, but you do have a choice when it comes to your experience of your sexuality (i.e. whether or not you feel shame associated with it). Unfortunately, the instability of your identity will make this task more difficult for you. If you do manage to change your views, whatever ground you make will be lost when your identity shifts once again. So your first task is to stabilize your identity...your new identity.

Your new identity will include the view that homosexuality is the mark of a superior human being. The Greeks had no problem with homosexuality, and they were a superior people. See the historical relativity? If homosexuality is intrinsically wrong, how can it be that the Greeks, a great society, had no problem with it? An entire society not too long ago saw homosexuality as natural, but somehow your society says it's not. Such a revealing comparison should be sufficient to dissolve your unwavering belief in the total rightness of your society.

Now that you've established that your society can be wrong, and you right (at least in some instances), and a new view that homosexuality is the mark of a superior human being, you need to now stabilize this identity - this pro-homosexual identity. To stabilize your identity (which includes the view that homosexuality is the mark of a superior human) you need to rehearse it. Write it up, and bring it to life. When you feel an identity switch coming on (ex. "no wait, homosexuality is bad..."), rehearse your fabricated identity ("homosexuality is not bad, my society is obviously wrong). When past memories come to mind and threaten your new identity, just reconstruct them to be congruent with your new identity. Reconstruct your past (within believability) to fit with your identity.

Last, you need self-confidence to maintain this self change or it won't last. The quickest way to self-confidence is to just devalue people, especially those who reinforce inferior views on homosexuality - i.e. that it's "wrong". Just say to yourself when you hear or imagine their negative responses to your bisexuality/homosexuality: "They are obviously unintelligent people who suck at life". And you have to believe it. I mean, why wouldn't you? I just provided you with an intelligent argument in the fourth paragraph of this post for homo/bisexuality. What's there not to believe? So just say that, please, next time you feel some shame coming on. You need to assert your positive sexual identity, or it won't last.

So follow what I've devised for you here and you should have a positive sexuality identity in no time. You gota work on it though. Don't chicken out. Human psychology is plastic. If you already present a changeable self to the people in your life as is, then you shouldn't have to worry about people reacting negatively to your new identity. (People have a tendency to keep us locked in to our old selves because they derive security from our predictability; unfortunately, this stumps your growth!)

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/06/19/magazine/my-ex-gay-friend.html?_r=1&scp=1&sq=My%20ex%20gay%20friend&st=cse

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSfSV5BSZ2g

"Do you know these preachers in America who recon they can do
Sexuality conversions?
I've heard them assert
They can cure a man of trouser love and turn him on to skirt
Well I don't see why they couldn't pull the same trick in reverse
And we'd have five poofs and two pianos..."

god jasmin....well said.

mr. no one
change your life to be a homosexual...sleep and partner with a man. easy as pie...hm? god your a hole of an ass sir. if you cannot visualize yourself partnering with a man...how could you say that a gay man should be able to do?

choice...yah right. change your partner to be a man then come back here and describe how it all work for you.

no i am not gay, could not ever come to wanting a male partner as is all yuk and yuk. that is how the gay man feels on having a straight partner mr. nono. prove me wrong if you will and take a man...hm?