Ashamed of being Bisexual

Basilisk wrote:Mr. No One, just because society doesn't accept claims that other things like paraphilias and psycho/sociopathy are something a person is born with doesn't mean that people aren't born that way. Therefore I don't think that's a valid argument against the "born this way" notion of homosexuality / bisexuality. Personally I think a person is born with genetic factors that make these things possible, and environment and experience simply exacerbate them.

I agree 1000%. I believe in the exact same thing, that is why it is a choice. Bravo!
But I can go now cuz I believe there were enough different points of view to be a balanced, fair and thorough conversation to be perused for advice. Good Luck, Mz. Monroe.

Try look at it from a positive point of view. You basically have double the chance of finding someone you can completly connect with.

Where as straight or gay people only have the one group of people to go after.

It may seem counter-intuitive, but I think someone in the shame state, whom you want to help. the instinct is to tell them they shouldn't feel ashamed or they don't need to be ashamed. That seems like the logical way to help them and be a good friend.

And yet it doesn't really relate to what they are feeling, it doesn't allow them to open up. It even uses the word 'should' or 'shouldn't', implied or explicit.

Every person has a story and the story is deep and wide, and much of the story is even censored from one's self, for reasons of repression and splitting. Well you see, the beauty is in gaining access to the story, to feelings and thoughts, ancient feelings I call them. See I think everybody loves telling their story- or acting it out dramatically. There is healing in this, and if it's not about healing, if you are not healing and staying healthy, what are you doing? healing is life, healing is growth and being whole, and knowing one's own story. A person doesn't even KNOW their own story even if they do know all the facts. They don't know the meaning of those facts, you see, they need age, maturity, wisdom, experience. Experience alone doesn't cut it but experience is essential. They need access to their full selves. Now telling someone "don't feel ashamed" in so many words- that doesn't give them the access to their selves anymore than a poisonous pedagogue to borrow the phrase of alice miller. What they need is an advocate, an ally. What works well when psychoanalysis and psychotherapy works is the therapeutic alliance. Or just having a good friend who will listen to you, who will open up and let you go where you will, without judgement and shame, disrespect or dissapproval. Sexuality touches on many things and is wrapped up in many things. Most things, most sexual attraction I daresay, is not just about physical or even emotional attraction. That's what that one guy, Hendrix discovered, harvill hendrix of imago.

anyway it's late Ich muss schlafen. shame is a bit tragic but never forget what it is, a defense against fear of abandonment-death, a defense against total annihilation, of self, of the abyss, a defense against sheer terror. One becomes 'acceptable' to "the powers" when one takes on that mask and suit of shame, thereby staving off annihilation. At least that's what I think. Mere words "don't feel shame"- that's just not strong enough to cut through this issue and even may make people feel more defective and impotent.

Ultimately it's not about 'ashamed of being bysexual' or anything like that. It's always ultimately "ashamed of being my self in all aspects unconditionally." I think so anyway
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Great post, gerald.

That's a lot to sink in for me. But it was great, thank you so much for taking the time to write it out.

Thank you MMonroe. I'm no expert but it's a subject that interests me. Note that shame generally comes together with fear, or shame with resentment or shame and envy. These are toxic combinations, but there's no shame in having shame! That only seals it

You would really like this I think. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5q2tZa1gp8Q

And don't limit it to sexuality is my advice. Think about shame in terms of your whole self, including sexuality. Use this as a chance to explore yourself, discover who you really are! Don't take anyone's word for truth including mine and thank you for responding and letting me know I made a difference!

I don't believe that you have to be ashamed of anything. It also sounds like you might not be sure of who exactly you are. Try your best to be open to yourself and I'm sure you'll figure it out. From what it sounds like, you still have a ton of time to figure out who you are. And hopefully shame will not be part of that equation. I think you'll find that once you find things you identify with, you will be able to feel less ashamed.

i only read through a few replies so sorry if this has already been covered....

I understand you. I too am bisexual and I have no problem with being bisexual BUT I do feel ashamed about it sometimes. The reason is because I feel like other woman wouldn't even think of another woman being attracted to them so they don't "guard" themselves like they would with a man. I feel like I'm deceiving them a little. But I also feel ashamed of it because I know it disgusts some women. I've heard people talk about how disgusting they think it is. It upsets me they would find me disgusting.

Not really sure what helps with these sensitive areas, its just a complicated situation. I try to just get over it. I am who I am, its not going to change and if I might disgust them then I'll just keep my personal things from them. Although, I never lie when someone asks. I tell them the truth (but most people don't ask).

I have to admit I am definately not like most guys and have had a bisexual experience that I don't really remember. Of course I tend to find the vision of all male activities makes me uncomfortable which is normal for most people but I think my discomfort is a bit different too I feel, I don't find myself repulsed at all. I get uncomfortable because I am unsure as to if I am actually bisexual or not because the experiences of my youth have caused great confusion there.

Arbie Wun wrote:I have to admit I am definately not like most guys and have had a bisexual experience that I don't really remember. Of course I tend to find the vision of all male activities makes me uncomfortable which is normal for most people but I think my discomfort is a bit different too I feel, I don't find myself repulsed at all. I get uncomfortable because I am unsure as to if I am actually bisexual or not because the experiences of my youth have caused great confusion there.

Makes you uncomfortable but not repulsed. This of course is natural and honest. But neither bisexual or homosexual. And yes your experiences as a youth were confusing only because "society" is a lying bastard that tell young minds that when coming through their rite of passage, any gender on gender activity makes you homosexual or at least bisexual and that you must succumb to that conclusion. Lady Gaga is lying to you.

Mr. No One, I haven't taken the advice of society on this one and certainly don't intend to I know however that I do have a confused sexuality and this isn't healthy and it certainly doesn't make like easier.

To be completely honest I know that my sexual radar is completely shot and if you said I was going forwards when in fact I was going backwards I would most likely believe you as I have no sense of sexual direction as to what is right wrong or otherwise because of my past experiences.