Ashamed of being Bisexual

MMonroe wrote:I'm so INCREDIBLY sexually frustrated, lonely & craving human contact.

BAHHHHH.

Wish you felt better.
I've had a few friends that I could call on when I felt that way; we'd have movie night, cuddle, but no sexual anything. They knew I just needed physical contact and good company, and that was it. It helped a great deal. I understand your situation though, and I wish I could offer better advice.

This post is basically me rambling on about my own sexuality. Feel free to skip it. I feel like my next post is more important anyway.

Well I'm bi too,though I kind of like using pan better.

I'm really kind of disgusted to feel attraction to anyone...and for me it doesn't happen a lot. I don't relaly look at a guy or girl's body. I tend to look at their smile or their eyes or just something about their face. For some reason I really like short hair on guys and girls, but it's not a preference I put too much weight on. Hair is hair. Saying that I do tend to like androgynous people, whether they be a male that looks feminine or a girl that looks boyish. Not sure why...I just do . Again I don't put total preference into it and I can like a girly girl who has short hair just fine....I can handle long hair too. Boyish, girly I don't care. I don't like super menly guys, but eh I like some guys.

I think I'm still confused as to where I fall. Lately I've been more attracted like 'oh she's cute' to girls and not to guy's. Most guys are hairy and just kinda..blurg whereas a lot of girls have really pretty faces :3. I also feel more comfortable with women since I've never had a close relationship (though I've had few overall) to men. The only men I would say I had in my life are my dad, who is distant, and my stepdad who left. That's it. So it makes sense why I would feel more comfortable towards them.

But I like things about guys too...My sexuality overall is very.....muddled...Maybe I'm too young, maybe it's just not stable, maybe it's just very fluid.

I don't really want relationships...and if I ever thought about someone too much I would feel a bit ashamed of that. I paint myself as this uncaring girl who doesn't really want to rely on anyone and that's true to a point, but I shouldn't feel ashamed of my feelings even if I'm not totally comfortable with them. We should deal with them, because i fyou ignore them it is bound to bite you in the butt.

Only have sex MMonroe if you are protected (of course) and if you really feel like you are ready to do it. Not sure how comfy your ex would be with just having sex with you. YOu don't wnat to start a relationship again wtih him or anything/ That migh tdo that. I dunno. *shrugs* It's really up to you.

Okay so I was going to go to bed, but then I couldn't sleep and I started thinking about this thread and realized my post wasn't as helpful as it should have been.

Monroe, no matter what you do people are going to hate you. Not just dislike you,but hate you. People hate you for being American. People hate you for being a woman. People hate you for having a disorder. The list could go on and on. NO matter what you do there is going to be hate. You have to live beyond that and show that you can love yourself despite them.

That being said, you shouldn't be ashamed of being bisexual. I know shouldn't and are not are two different things. But being ashamed of being bisexual is really like being ashamed of liking cherry pie when everyone else around you favors apple. I know you've been told it's bad. I was told it was bad for a while there (my mom's parents and my dad's parents...and other various people), but what they say is bad isn't really bad, is it? I've had some of the same people say it is bad to be African American. Is it? No. There is an argument that sexuality is choice,but I find that to be balogna. If you're ashamed of it , then why can't you just stop it? It's not a choice- that's why. It's just a preference. You can choose not the eat the cherry pie,but you still like the taste anyway.

When you talked about the girls feeling disgust at you looking at them..I see no reason why you shouldn't be the same as anyone else they arent' attracted to. Girls are not attracted to every guy and I'm sure they get looked at guys they don't even like. I don't see why you being looked at by a girl should be any different. I do know some people are homophobic and don't look at it that way- for some reason.

It's really sad that people have to be ashamed of who they are. People get beat up over being gay all the time. This IS the Civil Rights Movement of our decade. Will you stand aside as the rights of people are trampled on? ? Or will you stand with them against those that oppress them? Will you feel shame for what you feel? Or will you learn to embrace that and love yourself regardles sof who doesn't love your choices? They are your choices. Your feelings. You shouldn't let society dictate them for you.

Nice to meet another BPD with psychosis, too. I look forward to reading more of your posts, MMonroe.

How well I remember feeling like this. Dealing with my sexuality was hard. It ate me up and made me hate myself. It made me self harm, it made me stop eating it made me feel isolated and alienated.

I tried everything I could to make it go away. But it didn't.

I wish I could tell you there was a secret key that miraculously changed how I thought about it and would make you overflow with self acceptance. I honestly don't think there is. But, I have come to embrace it and I think you can too. I like that I am with another girl now.

Having other people around who are happy and living normal and successful lives with a same sex partner has been and is a massive help to both myself and lots of others I know who have struggled with this. Know that you can be happy and accept your love and attraction for another women.

I stopped trying to label my sexuality a long time ago. Because you know what, it doesn't matter what you call it. Its love and thats all that matters.

Know that you dont have to conform to or be attracted to any particular sort of girl or guy. There are no rules. I love telling people about my girlfriend now because I like to challenge their assumptions. I have long hair and wear skirts. I love the look on their face as they tell me 'well I never would have guessed you were one of them!' I love to reply 'what a natural red head?' and then they go 'no a .......' I love that they can't say it so i go 'oh you mean a LESBIAN' really loud.

And, yeah I am more 'girly' than my partner in looks, she doesn't wear skirts because she doesn't feel comfortable in them and thats ok too. But she started crying the other day when a bunny got run over on the road ahead of us. She is probably more sensitive and in touch with her emotions than I could ever be. And she can cook an sew like my grandmother! So 'types' are generally meaningless.

It takes a while but you will learn to be ok with it, whatever 'it' is for you, it is part of what makes you beautiful.

Addy x

Aww Addy ;W; so sweet.

Hahha I have a friend that would cry over a bunny.

*exhale*

MMonroe wrote:I wasn't sure where to put this. I didn't want to put it in the Sexual Disorders sub-forum because bisexuality/homosexuality is NOT a mental disorder. Don't argue with me about this, I go by the changes in the DSM.

Anyway, I guess I need some advice. I'm Bisexual with a large leaning towards women. I've never been with a woman before. I'm feeling increasingly disgusted by myself & guilty about being attracted to women. I know they probably don't see me the same way. It's one thing to be emotionally attached to women, which I mostly am. But.. those rare moments when I'm sexually attracted & feel my eyes start to roam their body. I feel so... sick. For example, tonight my yoga teacher was doing a posture right in front of me on my mat. She was curving her body & urging everyone to look in her hip area. I felt myself blushing because I was slightly attracted to her body.

UGH. I just... well, I FEEL disordered. I really want a woman. But at the same time, I feel like I shouldn't. Sometimes I just wish I lived on Lesbos in the mythological age when it was full of lesbians. Then I wouldn't have to feel disordered.

Any advice?

Oh boy, do I have some advice for you. I hate topics like these. Everyone is so brainwashed and so tolerant. Lol
"You don't need to feel ashamed, express yourself." I wonder why no one tells the pedophile that? If you feel ashamed, have you ever stopped to ask yourself maybe there is a reason for it? I cannot feel "ashamed." I'll never have the privilege. I have "aspd." You should not be controlled by your shame but neither should you disregard it. It is there for good reason. Being bi-sexual is just being greedy. That is all. And what are you trying to do with feigning offense with your therapist? I mean what do you know what "pure" lesbianism is anyway. You are a 20 year old virgin for goodness sake. Congrats!, you still have some moral fiber. Do you really just want to throw that away? Cuz you feel ready to "give it up?" So you are "slightly" attracted to beautiful females occasionally, join the club. It doesn't mean you are bisexual or lesbian. It means your human. I know this might seem as a harsh and or direct post. Well, it is. Don't delude yourself. Ignorance is subjective. That's why so many of us are fooled. This world is filled with disinformation. Your shame, your conscience, your intuition can help you through the mine field of life. Some of us don't have those tools. Be thankful for them. Whoever started the rumor that the is nothing to be ashamed of was lying.

I don't think there's anything to be ashamed of if you're not hurting anyone.

So you are "slightly" attracted to beautiful females occasionally, join the club.

I'm not "slightly" attracted. I haven't had a crush on a male in about... god, I don't even know how many years. Also, to be blunt myself, I can only masturbate to fantasies of women or lesbian porn. When I think of guys, I simply don't get any arousal. I did find your post quite blunt & unempathetic, but then again, I am aware that you are an antisocial. I shouldn't expect that. Replying as such to a Borderline that gets suicidal when someone is blunt with her, I'm gonna ask you politely not to respond to my threads.