Taking too long, hard to hold out for this.

I've been seeing a therapist for about two months now, and she's suggested I obtain a psychiatric evaluation (she's just "not comfortable" taking to "certain people" without knowing their mental issues) and she gave my parents a couple of names of psychiatrists, promising they'd evaluate me and then choose the best course of action for my prediagonosed(by her) depression.

I've been suffering from this depression for six months now. There are constant thoughts of suicide bombarding me... I'm worthless, hopeless, on and on...... and I was hoping I'd finally get some advice from the psychiatrist on how to deal with this (and maybe prove to my mom that it's not just hormones)... but my mom has had a bad experiance with psychiatrists, and is in denial about me being depressed. Every psychiatrist she calls is either too expensive or won't call her back. My therapist is on vacation. I have no one. I wasn't hoping for much (wtf is the point of that? hope only leads to disappointment anyway), but I was maybe thinking about feeling better than I do. This is taking to long. F*** patience. I've drafted so many notes, said so many good-byes... I just want this to be over. I don't know what the point is: live, eat, breathe, crap, sleep. Live, eat, breathe, sleep... for what? I know that suicide isn't the answer, but it seems like the only way. I just exist. I'm a waste of space, of air that people that are alive deserve. This isn't getting better.... what should I do? How can I make them listen? How can I get help that doesn't involve all this tedious talking and listening and advice-getting..........???

Dear Friction,
You are correct...suicide is not the way out. It's a dead end street that leads to the loss of a precious life.

I am hoping that your mother persists in finding a good psychiatrist. If you are not opposed to taking eds there are many good anti-depressant meds out on the market now. They may be of huge benefit. While I'm not suggesting that just meds alone is the way out of your situation, I do believe that they will help.

Please hold on and don't do anything rash. Every life is precious!
Take Care,
Kathy

Please do not think that you are a waiste of air and space etc. Because you aren't!! You are a person, and you aren't a waiste. I do know how you feel though. Sometimes I feel the same way.

I hope you can find a psychiatrist. You know, you say your mom's looking for someone. Maybe you could look too, and if you find someone nice and afordable, show it to your mother. Because, if she doesn't want to find one, she won't find one. Or maybe, you could just try to let her know just how much pain your going through. It doesn't matter if it's "just" hormones that's causing it. Who cares what's causing it? You're in a lot of emotional pain, and you want and need help for it. Does your mom know that you think about suicide a lot? If now, it may be shocking to her, but you may want to tell her. IDK.