I'm really really upset right now. I can't do hardly any school because I'm so upset that I can't concentrate or anything. I don't feel well at all. NOthing is making me feel better!! I mean nothing!! I can't think of hardly any thing that would cheer me up right now. Only a very few things. I need to get out of here. I'm going to hurt myself. No I"m not. I don't know. I'm just afraid to be left alone in this empty room for much longer. I feel so crazy righ tnow. I'm upset and I'm depressed, and I don't feel like I can take it anymore. I feel like God is mad at me. I know he isn't. But why is everything going wrong lately? Why do I feel so lonely, empty and depressed? Is it my fault, or is there something wrong with my head or what? I don't udnerstand. I just know that I feel terrible, and I have no one to talk to around here. The only people that I can talk to about this, are you guys. And I'm thankful for all of you, but I kind of need someone to talk to right now, and I won't be able to actually post this until later. I'm typing it on wordpad right now.
I'm so upset. I'm probably not goin gto be able to get out of school until mid to late June. You want to know how bad that sucks and how bad that makes me feel? It makes me feel terrible!! It makes me feel angry at myself, and it mkaes me feel sad. Right now I feel like no one cares about me. I know it isn't ture, but it's how I feel right now.
I feel so upset right now. I don't want to do anything. I don't want to sleep, I don't want to be awak. I don't want to do my school, but I don't want to sit here and let it pile up. I feel absolutely miserable right now. I don't know what I"m doing wrong, but I must be doing something wrong, because my lfie sux right now. I hate myself. I"m so stupid. I don't even have any real problems, yet I'm acting like a stupid cry baby. I really hate myself at times. I'm angry and I'm frustrated and I'm sad, and I'm all messed up right now. I want to drown out all sound right now, and I want to close my eyes. I want to stop thinking for just a little while. I don't want anything bad to happen to me such as my brain shutting down, but I just don't feel like thinking right now, becaus ei can't think of anything good. I have nothing that I'm really looking foward to right now. I was looking foward to going to see a movie tomorrow, but that's really not cherring me up righ tnow. I just feel like crap. I hate this feeling. I really hate it. I"m just sitting here waisting away. Waisting my time. I hate this. I hate it I hate it I hate it. It sux. I'm stupid . i don't like myself. I just want to feel better. I don't know who I am anymore. I don't care how stupid or cliqued that sounded. I honestly just don't give a dang. I don't know who I am. I have no clue who I am anymore, all i know about mysel fis that I dont' like whoever I am now. I've changed, and not for the good.
I'm really depressed right now. This is the worst that it's gotten in a while. I'm in the bottom of the pit right now. THe pit of loneliness, depression, and just alltogether misery.
Why do I feel like this? What on earth did I do wrong? I'll try harder if I can just know what I'm doing wrong. I want to feel better. No one knows me anymore. Nobody. Not even me.
I feel so sick right now. I just want to throw up. I really feel bad. I want to smash my head across the wall, only I have a feeling I would break the wall. I guess I could smash it on the shelf. It's pretty durable. I don't know. Too bad that it'd make a loud noise and my mom would wonder what happened. I might just do it anyway.
I don't know what's wrong. I hate been feeling so much better for a while. I was so happy and content and for a short while I actually loved life. Now I'm miserable. I was hoping that the happiness would last for at least a month!
How much worse do I have to feel before I get to feel better?
I wrote that earlier. I'm still feeling pretty bad. I'm a little more mellow, but I don't feel well at all. I don't feel like being alive right now. I justa sked my mom if we're going anywhere today, and she said no, probably not. I need to get out so bad. I need to just get out of here. I feel so weird right now. I feel kind of crazy. I feel out of it and tired. I really need to get out of here.
I SI'd today. It was nothing major at all, and I don't really feel guilty about it. I guess I sort of wish I had not done it, but I honestly don't care about much of anything right now. I would kill to feel better right now. It sux knowing that I'm probably going to feel like this for the rest of the day. Oh, well. Poor pitiful me. I'm sure I deserve this anyway. I'm so draggy, I feel like I just woke up but I"ve been awake for a very long time.
~element
I'm stuck. And yes, I am goin gcrazy. I'm really going crazy. I'm frustrated and I'm depressed. I'm losing it!!
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