Not doing so well...

I"m not really sure how I'm doing. lol I'm still pretty sleepy right now, so I haven't had time to find out if I'm going to be happy or depressed. Yeserday, I was happy most of the day. Then my mom and sister made me feel like crap, and I was depressed and I wanted to kill myself (but I wasn't going to or anything, I actually couldn't have right then anyway), and I got mad at myself and took my fingernail and scratched across my ribs, leaving a bad mark. I did right there in the car with my mom and sis, but they didn't know. So then, I went to church, and I felt a lot better. And my mom and sis appologized later, after I apologized to my mom. Then I came home, and I took off my shirt (I was changing my clothes to get ready to sleep), and that was when I noticed the bright pink mark covering a small portion of my rib cage. It was so bright and ugly. I was so dissapointed in myself!! Then I went in the living room and took my shoes and socks off, and then I hugged my mom and told her goodnight. And I felt slightly better. THen I went to my room, got in the bed, and felt depressed again.

We had Bible school tonight, and the lights went out from a storm. All was still well. So my mom came to pick us up. She dropped a little boy off at his house and then we headed to my nephews' house to take them home. It was dark all through town. When we got there there had been a huge wreck or something like that. Their mom wasn't there. So that scared us. My mom went inside and their dad was there--there mom was at church. That made me feel a lot better to know that she was okay. I still felt a little upset though, because it really scared me.

the ride home felt weird. It was soooo dark!! I kept seeing really creepy images in my head also. I had thoughts that were causing me to cringe. I still can't get some of it out of my head. I felt sort of paranoid.

So now, I'm home. We obviously have power. Thank God!! I'm still feeling pretty uneasy. I wish I didn't have to go to bed right now. As childish as it may sound, I don't want to stay in here by myself. I can't post this tonight. But I will post it tomorrow morning.

~element