Took a couple of pills..

i just took about 13 painkillers (500 mg) and i feel a bit fuzzy...

this has been the 4th time ive done pills, not a very happy experiance but i thought id tell you.

pills and mental illness, well when im depressed i go for the knife or pills, (as i said pills are not that common) the pills make me feel safe, numb so to say..

my point is, is it wrong to use painkillers in times like this?

it does make me feel a bit better..

I'm sorry you felt so much pain. If you want you can tell us why you felt the need to down painkillers. I'm here for you!

Kathy

i felt more like painkillers then cutting... dont know why exactly.

ive been having a bit of a downstreak... my days suck more then my nights, insomnia is comming back and i dont know what to do. didnt want to kill myself just numb the pain a bit..

Well, you asked, so I will tell you. You really shouldn't take painkillers like that.

I'm very sorry that you aren't doing well, right now. *hugs* Please take care of yourself, and I'm here for you. (minus the tongue!!)

~element

Taking the pills can be as dangerous as cutting, and depending on what your are taking...arguably MORE dangerous. You don't know what you are playing around w/. I bet each time you pop the pills, you up the dose. Even if you don't kill yourself in one shot of taking a certain amount of pills....you are doing considerable damage internally. Your liver for starters. There is significant damage you can do to your body the more you do this. It might seem easy to say right now "good...I don't care". But you have to think about your future. You WILL overcome the issues you are faced w/ right now. That bit of information is something I bet you can't admit or accept right now...but if you speak up and get help....YES, you can rise above this. Look at me. I've shared some of my story w/ you. I've come so far since I was in highschool. And what I had on my plate was certainly more then just typical teenage stresses....not sure what your struggles are ...but whatever they are...you can get through. But you have to make the choice to try. And hell yes I know how hard it is...I put it off for many years before asking for help that sophmore year.

But as I was saying....look at me now. I'm 30 yrs. old. I'm married to an INCREDIBLE man. Together we have two BEAUTIFUL daughters. They are my world! My husband and i have been married 9 years, together 12.

Is my world all sunshine and roses now and all issues behind me? No. I still have struggles. But I'm so much better equiped to handle what comes my way. And I'm not going to lie. Bulimia is still an issue for me. But even when I hit a dark place (for me that emotion is anger)....I'm not in a self destructive place like I used to be. Ok. One can argue that I am when I choose bulimia. I mean I'm not cutting or wanting to end my life. I'm having a hard time explaining...because I know very well the dangers of bulimia. I am in a different place though then I used to be. I can look at my life and see so much good despite the struggles I still have and affect me here and there. I guess they don't so much consume my every moment like they used to.

My point in that little sidetrack is that when I was in highschool and cutting...taking pills...trying to see how I could end my own life....I couldn't see a husband, a career that I did very well at, I couldn't see children for me. I couldn't see that beautiful wedding I had or know the joy of giving birth to my AMAZING daughters. Oh...my friends that knew my pain...they told me that there was so much waiting for me and there WAS light at the end of the tunnel. I laughed. Thought to myself. No. Not for me. They don't have a clue. I don't want that future...I'll never have that future. But in the end...I got it.

But think if I had taken my life....or had ###$ myself up worse then I did w/ the bulimia....done too much internal damage when I took pills..........one day I finally decided I had to get better. I had to at least try. And try means a LONG hard work..not just a few appts. w/ a counselor and then say well...life still sucks. There I tried! It takes hard work on your part and at the very min. ...months of working w/ someone (in my opinion). But as I got better...well what if I had done myself damage at my lowest points. When I finally got better...then I might not have been able to have my own children....so many things I might not have been able to do when I got older and could see life in a different light...and feel I wanted to have a place in it.

I can't make your choices for you. I can't know your pain. I know my pain and where I've been and come from. I'm sure on some levels it does compare...maybe not equal...but at least compare. I offer up of myself to try and encourage you to get off this road and try a new one.

But back to the pills.....you are not in control. W/ cutting...at least you can control not going so deep that you "slit your wrists" as in suicidal. But w/ pills....you just never know. You may wake up the next day and say hey...see...I didn't die. I can take that many and more next time. But even if you never take enough to truly end your life.....I remind you to think about the internal damage that you are doing that takes time to fully realize.

HUGS to you. I'm sorry you are in a place right now where you feel like this is your only choice. Can you talk w/ us next time ...at least come here first and try before just flat out taking the pills. I'm no professional...I can't heal or solve your issues. ....but just knowing you have a support link...maybe give you something to think about or build on that you'd not considered before? Maybe just even get you to agree to help?! I'll try. I'm here w/ the others...try it out here first K?

Angel is right. Please don't try this anymore!! I'm really scared that you're gonna hurt yourself badly. I know you've tried therapy before, and you didn't like it, but could you maybe just think about trying it again. You can see someone new, and just look for someone that you're more comfortable with. If they talk down to you and just view you as a patient, and not a person, then you don't have to talk to them anymore. You can find someone else. You're a sweet guy, and I'd hate for anything to happen to you.

Angel is right in saying that things will get better. I didn't see things getting better for me a few months ago. But things have gotten better. And they will get worse (hopefully never that bad again), but then they'll get better again. So please hold on.

*big hug*

would you people please stop saying your not doctors...

you prolly know more bout what im going through then most of those shrinks.. because you lived it.

just so you know i promised myself id die by my own hands, or by the hands of others, natural death has no meaning for me.

don't kill yourself!

And Angel was just trying to help. *gentle smile*

i know.. and i was just replying..

i will kill myself nothing much you can do about it im afraid..

but know it wont be soon, ill hang on as long as i see fit

Hunny, please don't!! I'm about to cry just from reading that. It breaks my heart that you're so determined to do that. Please consider talking to a therapist again. I'm very worried about you. I don't want anything bad to happen to you. Please, please, please don't do this. I wish there was something that I could do to convince you to change your mind. But I guess all I can do is be here for you. And I will be glad to do that. You don't know how many people it will hurt if you carry on with your plan.

~element