Retroactive jealousy

Dear all,

I have a condition which I believe is titled retroactive jealousy. It is reliving my wife's previous relationships, particulary the sexual side of things. I become stressed and depressed and don't wish to talk to her when these images come to mind. I see them in full technicolor and it evokes emotions such as jealousy and rage.

I have searched for a cure but there is precious little on the subject. Naturally I know that it is irrational but I have battled with this for 15 years. I am happily married in every other way but this continues to blight our relationship. I have looked through books on CBT and they offer hope but I've not seen any reference to this particular condition. Can anyone help?

I’m not sure the issue is Retroactive Jealousy per se. You might be doing yourself a disservice by narrowing your scope of research. There are probably larger issues at hand that are resulting in your jealousy. This may have more to do with OCD and intrusive thoughts. It just so happens that this is what your particular obsessive thoughts center on.

Thanks for your response girl with another name. I'll investigate OCD but on face value I don't have any of the symptoms commonly associated with OCD. My thoughts are usually triggered by a comment someone makes or a movie or something that I read about women who have had many partners. Just curious, what made you think that OCD is at the heart of the problem?

The reason I thought of OCD is because these sound like obsessive and intrusive thoughts, which is something I struggle with. I also don’t have the classical symptoms of what you might consider OCD related; compulsively washing hands, checking locks, repeating rituals, etc. Even if OCD isn’t at the heart of your retroactive jealousy, something else is. You need to find out what that else and research that.

There is also a form of OCD called "Purely Obsessional Obsessive Compulsive Disorder". Basically, it's more focused on the obsessive and intrusive thinking that one might have, and it doesn't require you to have much, or any, of the "regular" symptoms of OCD.

Of course, I don't know if this is what you have. But when agirlbyanyothername mentioned OCD, that's what came to mind. Perhaps just try to find some information on it, and if you feel any resonance with it, you can talk to someone about it. If not, then that's okay. But I think agirlbyanyothername is right in saying that there is most likely something else at the heart of it.

For a quick link to the Wikipedia article about Purely Obsessional OCD, you can click here.

Hi everyone,
Please no negative comments, I'm low enough as it is..

I believe I have retroactive jealousy. I met my husband 2 years ago online, we talked for a week before meeting. He added me on Facebook and immediately, even before meeting him, I was subjected to photo after photo of him and his ex. How she was his soulmate, the love of his life. After a few months together, he admitted he had never loved her, or anyone before me. So I got confused. Then I learned his best friend is actually friends with the ex, and long story short, I ended up having to meet her, after only a couple of months with him.
Since then, she seems to be always on the periphery of our lies. She texted him when we were together a while, the best friend is still hanging out with her, there's just always something that relates back to her, and I feel I'll never be free.
I started the questioning thing, about his relationship with her, where they went, what they did. The images are there night and day. I'm ruining my relationship and I know it, but the thoughts are on a loop now. He has been so patient, reassuring me, but I always feel like h's lying to me. I sound like an insane person and I'm starting counselling today, but I feel like I'm having a breakdown. I just wanted to maybe chat to some people going through this...

Thanks in advance