He told me that he had been in the hospital several times, that He had to visit a psychologist,psychiatric and social worker....He also told me that once He tried to walk naked about 20km,the police stopped him and he went to the hospital. We talked several times about this issue,he used to say -It was my past,I had hallucinations,I was in the hospital...but it was my past...I have to take my medication but I don't do it...-. I believed that it was his past and I was very angry because my boyfriend felt bad to meet social worker and psychologist every 2 or 3 weeks,they maked his life more difficult...-he is ok,I'm living with him and he isn't mad,they should live him alone-..I thought. I finally found a job in the same town where I lived with him,so I moved.The 1st and 2nd of September He was really strange,quiet,stunned..he repeated sentences without any sense,,,I was very nervous…,I didn't know him at all.That day he keeped me away from him again,he said that He wasn't in love with me,that we were just an affair, no love between us....He was very rude that day.I didn't believe his words and I couldn't understand him,what is happening to him?- I thought. Two weeks later,the 17th, I saw him in the street.He was really bad,I have never seen him that way. He was smoking and sat,shrunk...with bruises on his left hand,his hair on his face,he also had two bags with personal items(I think) I said -Hello- to him and he said the same,he also said -I have a present for you,so I'll call you one day-. I felt shame for him and I asked him again -Are you really ok?- He said me something that I couldn't understand and when I said -Sorry,I cannot understand..- he said -Oh,,###$ you,###$ off,###$ off.....-. That guy wasn't then onel I knew. I was very worried about him and I sent a message to his best friend,she lives in the same building. She said that ***'d have medical help and she and his father would help him. 2 days later, the police called me at 10:30 PM,they told me that *** was missing. I went our to look for him,I asked his friends,I went to visit his best friend and I was a few minutes with her.I asked her -Is he really ill?- She said -Yes,He's schizophrenic,he has to take his medication,when he does it,everything is ok,If he doesn't,He has hallucinations,delusions, he feels confused...He has to be founded and taken to the hospital...-. I listened that *** was schizophrenic and I didn't mind at all,I was already in love with him.I also understood that I was absolutely wrong when I used to say him -,you don't have to take your medication,they are wrong,you mind is absolutely perfect...-. That night I only slept 3 hours,I couldn't stop criying and kicking my bed..he was ill,missing and alone......In the morning I took one ***'s picture and I went to the train station to ask for him.The girl who works there recognized him and she told me a lot of information about him,even she said that he collapsed when he bought the travelcard and he left there his personals cards. I took his cards and I went to his friend's house. She didn't answer so I jump the gate to the garden.When I was there I could see ***'s flat through his windows.It was made a mess and one of the windows was smashed. I shout several times the name of his friend,but she wasn't. So I went to the police with ***'s cards and the information the girl from the sation told me.That was the worst day of my life,I felt alone looking for ***,where is his best friend? where are the rest of his friends? why aren't they looking for him? Am I the only one person who loves him?.....I was absolutely desperated,I didn't know what to do...several times I thought He could be dead.....
I finally called ***'s dad, His dad said that *** was already in the hospital since the previous day,when he was founded by the police triying to get a plane to Holland. My desesperation stopped.
To the fourth day of being there,I went to take him vegetarian food 'cos he had said me that it isn't possible to have vegetarian food in the hospital. I didn't wanted to meet him,I just wanted to give the food to his nurses. One black man who works there felt interest for me.He said he wanted my phone numer to give it to *** but later I realized that He wanted my number for himself.He said that *** appreciated my food very much and that man was very interested that I meet *** that night.I knew that he wasn't well at all. I couldn't understand such interest, 'cos He knew,as I did, that *** was still very ill. I left the hospital and the black man came out with his car.He stopped close to me and said that he could drop me to the hight Street. I said yes (I do not what I did it but I trust him). When we arrieved to the Hight Street I said -I get off here- He said -I'm gonna go to Saynsbury....- I thought -????- I didn't care if he went to Saysnbury or not,I just wanted to get off. It was 11:30 Pm and Saynsbury was closed,of course!!!!- He drove to a place far from my house and I said several times -Please,stop 'cos I get off here-. He said -Oh,don't worry, I'll drop you-. He was all the way telling me bad things about ***,he said that *** threw my food away and he said "I don't need anything from her"-. That man didn't stop to say -Then could we be friends? Can I have your phone number? could we meet another day?..- He also said -he said that you are his exgirlfriend, is that right?- He finally stopped his car and I got off. I was really really sad and upset with this experience. I wait a few days more to go to visit ***,,the same black guy opened the door and said -*** doesn't wanna see you-.He is no proffesional at all man!!! I finally saw *** that day,we talked a few minutes and he was really beautiful,it was really really amazing to see him again.Although he said -,you are no more my girlfriend,I'm not more your boyfriend,just friends....- I was really glad to see that he was getting better and his body,face,hands,legs,everything.... were in the right place!!!!
He gave me two beautiful hugs and he touched his heart because he liked my visit. I went a few times more to visit him,each time I went to the hospital, it was an adventure.I didn't know ***'s state,I didn't know if it was possible to meet him, I was scared to meet that black guy again....Anyway I always took some present for him,like nuts that he liked...One day he was absolutely amazing,he told me his experience since he left his house till he was founded by the police,he could remember almost everything!!! He was very pleasant with me and he was,as always,absolutely beautiful. Since that day he was informal,so he could be several hours outside the hospital. We met a few times in the street by chance, and it was very nice because he used to give me special hugs,I didn't know what it was gonna happen between us,but I was glad anyway. As he told me that he lost his phone during his breakdown,I bought a new one for him and I gave it to him in the hospital. That day there was another patient in the same ward and he asked –Ey ,who is she?is she your girlfriend?-. he said -Similar,she is a very close and special friend of mine..- I was very glad with this answer and later he said to me -,I prefer to wait till my head goes straight to carry on with our relationship-.. Uauuuuu, I was absolutely happy!!!! He invited me to go to the Vegan Festival and that day he gave me the most special and lasting hug that I've had in all my life,we also kiss each other,it was absolutely wonderful. Since that day we were together again, we called or sent messages almost every day. he said that I was a very positive influence in his life, that he wanted to give up smoking, joints....that some of his friends aren't a good influence for him because they smoke joints and everything...I was absolutely glad that *** wanted to change his life for the better,I was willing to help him and to try that He never,never,never was in the mental hospital again. We had 2 wonderful weeks, we showed our love to each other,we talked about to live together like we did it in August.I was thinking about a lot of presents and surprises to make him happy,that was all that I wanted(and still,want) to make him the happiest man on the world. One day when I visited him He was very distant, I tried to hug and kiss him but he was strange,distant....He said that we should split up,that he likes me and he loves me but we don't connect each other,…I couldn't believe him, he took that decision suddenly, from one day to the next one. Anyway I had to respect him. The next day I felt very depressed and my life was absolutely empty. I was alone and I needed to talk woth someone,so I visited him. That day he was distanter that the previous one, a little arrogant as well, he talked to me without to look at me,he was writing and he seemed not to care my problems or feelings. He also said that is better if we have no any contact, and that day was the last day I visited his flat. *** was a little rude with me,maybe he did it because he wanted to show my that our relationship was entirely finished.It was really sad 
It is sad because I'm really in love with him,he is my first love and being with him I've felt like never before and I've know what love is.We have met accidentally in the street or library and he only says me a simple -Hello-,it hurts me a lot because we were a perfect couple,without any doubts,without problems,we never argued..... he treated me as he doesn't know me. It hurt me a lot.
I couldn’t stay in the same town longer, so I decided to go back to my country. I bought the ticket and the previous day to my flight I met him in the library so I invited him to a coffee ,I just wanted say “bye” to him. He was very close with me, looking at me, holding my hand and he invited me to spend my last hours in his house.So I was with him and I realized that he still loved me, so I didn’t take any plane and I was with him and his family in Christmas. We had a lot of good moments but one day another guy was interested in me and we shared our phone’s numbers.I said to this guy that I had a boyfriend but we could be friends anyway. I told this to my boyfriend, I just wanted be honest with him but he started to say that I should be with the new guy because he was better than him and probably no mad and on medication, he undervalued himself too much and I was very very sad and I tried to kill myself in his bathroom. I didn’t and when he realized about this he was very worried about me and we talked and everything was fine again.Fine for me, he still was thinking and thinking about my mad behaviour in his bathroom and he keeped me away from him for 2 weeks. When we had a chat again, he said that he’s very sensitive and my behaviour made him upset, he felt too much pressure and the next day he was crying all the day because of it. We had a very nice weekend but on Sunday he wanted to split up again, he has been feeling too much pressure during several days and he said he wasn’t in love with me at the same time that he prepared my dinner and bring it to the sofa where I was,,,. When he was calm he said to carry on with our relationship again and to start from the positive and to forget negative things,so he threw all his tobacco,cigars,marihuanna and stuff away and he said he’d call me in two days.He didn’t do it so I felt really sad and my patience finished so I went to my country with my parents and I said nothing to him. I was very very depressed and I tried to forget him but I couldn’t,I spoke to him and he had a really sad voice by the phone, he said that he couldn’t make the change for the positive. I sent a letter to him with some advices and prints about SZ and marihuana. When I called him a few days later he was full of energy,he really liked my letter and the prints and he said had gave up marihuana .In two weeks I received his reply back and he sent a present as well, he also said he thinks of me many times. Being at home I learned more about how to treat him, what things are right and wrong to do .I know I wasn’t right with him sometimes,I used to cry in front of him so he felt that he made me unhappy or when I tried to commit suicide or when I pressured him about to have commitment or to live together and stuff, realize now that they were pretty bad things to him. I decided to go back after 3 months and to try to take him back ‘cos I realized I really loved him and I couldn’t stop loving him.I thought that our relationship would be better cos now he doesn’t smoke joints anymore,,but when I tried to visit hiom I knew he was in the mental hospital again. I went to visit him and we had a good and long chat.He also told me that when he wrote my letter he was crying too much because he really missed me, he really thought of me. Now,I know that I musn’t ask for more he can give me,because even what he does for me it’s enough. We felt very close again and he also said that he has been very lonely since I was gone, he has no really good friends and he cannot trust his family 100%. I believe in him and I know he is able to bring up, I’m willing to encourage him and to be by his side to help him, but I’m scared he keeped me away from him again. He is the hospital again ‘cos he stopped taking abilify.He cares for nothing, he doesn’t care for his own life,,he has been several times in the mental hospital but he does nothing to have a proper life and no to go back there anymore. He knows he is ill but he doesn’t like to talk openly about his illness. He is not very bad really, I can have a proper chat with him,he is really really clever,sensitive and has a very big heart and he is very moral.. so I wanna bring him up, to try he takes his medication every day, to try he loves himself a little more, to try he asks for help when he needs, to try he can find a job and feels happy, and to try he rely on me and he can see I’ll be there always for him. Now I know what to do and how to treat him he doesn’t feel any pressure at all, but still scared about if he will be able to have a proper life when he comes out the hospital. I also would like to have a chat with his psychiatrist to have some advices.
Thanks to read my story ,if someone could give me any advice or idea to help him, to lift him up ,it’ll be great. This guy deserves it but it seems he cannot bring up for himself,it seems that I’m the only one person who is always there for him, it’s a shame really but I won’t give up. Thanks a lot.
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