What could this be??

Ok, before I start off, I have to say that I'm really ashamed of this and I've never even told it to my therapist.

Ever since my depression/Panic Disorder started, my imagination has been totally over-active. I remember once, I was in my car and I looked up at a tree and I all of a sudden pictured my Grandpa hanging from a noose from the tree. It was so scary because I love my Grandpa so much and he was one of the sweetest men alive, and I started crying because once that popped into my head I felt like a monster.

Lately its been acting up again. I got the same thing last night, except I was picturing doing something bad to my kittycat, or my family.

I don't know what the hell it is. I have no hostile feelings towards any of them, I love them all to death and I feel like a monster when these images pop in my head. I can't control them.

Does anyone know what this could be? Is it a sign of yet another illness or is it just my stupid ###$ up head??

It sounds to me like you have a form of panic/anxiety disorder. These disorders cause random, frightening thoughts to pop into your head just like the ones you described. There are many many books out there that teach you how to overcome a lot of these panicky feelings and thoughts. One of which is particularly helpful. It is called "The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook" and is written by Edmund Bourne. You can get it on Amazon.com for fairly cheap. You also might want to look into some of Lucinda Bassett's books. She has written extensively on overcoming panic disorder and other phobias. These books probably won't completely cure you but they will definitely help get some of your anxiety and panic under control. I suffer more from depression but these books definitely helped me with my anxiety about school and post-college. Hope to hear from you! Good luck!

Well I've been diagnosed with depression and panic disorder. Do you think that all that could just be a symptom of it?

I wonder if you just have an active imagination. I have all sorts of strange thoughts--good, bad, ugly. I am creative and in my head a lot so I just suppose that strange thoughts come with being creative. The thoughts would be a problem however, if they kept me from doing what I'm supposed to be doing. I can have all sorts of thoughts. What counts is how I act. People can't see your thoughts.
Jim S