my voices have stopped and i can't keep occupiedinmyflat now

hi all. i'm female 45 and i live in the UK. i have schizo-affective disorder or schizophrenia.
i have had voices a lot all the time for years now. my voices have stopped now.
now my voices have stopped i can't keep occupied in my flat. its horrible that now. and now my voices have stopped i can't think in my head now and i have a blank head now and thats horrible now too.
i live on my own in my own flat or apartment now. im on my own in my life now with no job now and i can't see my friends and my family for years now and im finding this hard now. also ive lost the man i like the man i love joe now and someone said he might be dead now. i don't know if its true hes dead now or not? the woman who told me that now never told me about that before so i couldn't go to joes funereal before. i didn't go to his funeral i haven't seen his grave yet so i don't know for sure if joe is dead now or not. im upset ive lost joe now.
all i can think of to do now is counselling or therapy to help now. i might have to pay for that now. and im seeing an occupational therapist now about groups to do for mental illness where i live now. but something controls me with my mental illness and it won't let me make an appointment with an art group and make a therapy appointment now still. now my voices have stopped now it tries to control me now still maybe. i don't know what to do now. im going to have to try and make an appointment with the art group now and a therapy appointment now. it hard because after i went out with joe now i can't see all my friends and family for years now and i don't want to go out now. maybe therapy counsellilng or a psychologist can help about this now.
does anyone else get that where something tries to control what they do or say with their mental illness now? when joe asked me out before it controlled what i said before i wanted to say no to him before ive got a boyfriend austin before. so thats how i ended up going out with joe before when really i wanted to stay with my boyfriend austin before because joe is deaf before. i think now its because i couldn't do what i wanted about my boyfriends joe and austin before and i couldn't finish seeing the psychologist at my flat before and thats why im in this hell in my life after that now and stuck in my life after that now i think now maybe. but i didn't love austin before i love joe now except hes deaf. im so upset ive lost joe now. i can't cope without joe now and i don't know what to do now. its hard because i haven't got much family now and i can't see all my friends and family now. now my voices have stopped now and i can't keep occupied in my flat now and its horrible that now. i have a reading problem and a sleeping problem now too and i keep staying up all night before and sleeping all different times before the sleeping problem is a bit better now and i get up early every morning more now so thats good now. my nurse isn't very good at the moment and shes been on leave for months now so she don't help about it now. im not getting proper support from a nurse at the moment and thats bad i think that now. but my nurse might be back at work again soon but shes not a very good nurse now though. i saw the dr about a week ago but it hasn't helped he kept me on the same medication still. all i can think to do now is pay for therapy and counelling to help now. if you can help about this now or have any advice suggestions about this now please. thanks a lot sparkle 78

I haven't got any replies to my post now. its a shame about that now because i do need help at the moment.
i made an appointment with the art group. i rang up to pay for therapy and counselling but the phone numbers for the therapy didn't work before and that was strange before. then i got an appointment with the psychologist at my local mental health centre speedwell. the psychologist at speedwell is free on the NHS i don't have to pay for it. the psychologist is greek. but when i talked to her on the phone i don't know if im going to like her. so im worried i wont like the psychologist now. i couldn't go to the psychology appointment because ive got a sleeping problem and i don't want to go out much now. now after that the psychologist is going on holiday to greece now and ive got to wait 3 weeks for another psychology appointment now. i don't have a psychology appointment until 11th july now. i don't know i can wait this long for the psychology appointment now because i need help now and i don't know what to do now. i don't know whether to still try and pay for therapy or counselling now because i feel like i can't wait 3 weeks for the psychology appointment now i need help now i think now really.
im on my own in my life with no job and i can't see all my friends and family problem still. i can't talk to my dad on the phone now. but im angry with my dad still because he wouldn't let me have boyfriends before when my brother ash is married and thats alright with my dad and i don't think thats fair thats sexist to women. also my dad said before don't go outside stay inside if you have mental illness before and i don't know how anyone can say that now. so im angry with my dad about that now still and i don't like my dad much now. but i can't talk to my dad on the phone now. and my brother ash won't talk to me on the phone now or much on the phone now. i don't have many people to talk to in my life now. im finding it hard living on my own in my flat or apartment now with no job now and i can't see my friends now and i can't see my family now still. i think anyone would find this hard about this now 2.
i think if i have therapy now and try and do a couple of groups for mental illness now where i live now and do that for a while now i might be able to see my friends rob and zack again then. but i think its more hard to get therapy over here in the UK now still maybe. i can't see the psychologist for 3 weeks now and i feel i can't wait that long now because i need help now. and i don't know if im going to like her now anyway. i don't know whether to still try and pay for therapy and counselling now? ive got an appointment about an art group on tuesday now ill try and go to that now but i don't want to go out much now im finding it hard to go out now still. i haven't got many people to talk to in my life now. i don't know what to do about this now? if you can help about this now or have any advice or suggestions about this now please reply now. thanks sparkle 78

and my nurse is not very good at the moment and she don't help about it much at the moment now still as well.

Hello sparkle 78 -

First of all, I am sorry to hear about Joe's passing (from your initial post). Your first post and second post seem to find you in the same situation, by and large, with additional information about family relations.

I am not really sure what you are looking for. It seems to me the core of your problem is being unable to socialize for various reasons and you are having a hard time coping in your flat alone.

I know your Dad said not to leave the flat when you are ill but can you leave if you want? Do you feel safe doing so?

Also, you mentioned you have schizoaffective disorder or schizophrenia. Are you on meds? Is it the meds that stopped the "voices"?

It's hard for me to make suggestions because I am here in the States and our health services are different. Can your friends Rob and Zack, come and visit you?

Otter.

A slightly random suggestion maybe, but if you're missing your voices maybe you could listen to things like podcasts throughout the day instead.