Does anyone else find interaction so hard?

Hello,
does anyone relate? Knows ways to cope?

(it's the first time I post here I hope this is ok)

I think years ago I was just shy but now I really don't care about what other people's judgment could be, yet I speak even less.

Simply getting a word out is tiring and seems unnecessary. Explaining stuff is exhausting and difficult.
Words can feel so heavy that I have to speak slowly.
Other times they feel "tangled" or as if what I had to say gets removed from my mind and I have to get the message across by using other words, so it isn't really precise or sounds confusing.
(Writing is a bit easier, but still a mess).

I do perplex strangers or annoy people with such lack of speech at times.

This wouldn't bother me if only other people weren't demanding me to talk basically everyday, telling me they wish I said more or that my reaction isn't enough.
It's also impossible to pass exams if I don't speak, and makes it hard to work.

Sometimes I feel I don't really have control over myself, like there's something that makes me forget words when I try to say something or do actions I don't want to do.
I find myself saying things I didn't even think about saying and would never want to say, which leaves me surprised and upset and others a bit puzzled.
It makes me want to be with people even less.

I can barely stand being with the ones I love too. I've lost some friendships because I couldn't keep it up and I have no desire of seeing people.

I would just like to function to not frustrate others and be useful...

Did anyone ever have a similar experience or knows something about it?

I wish you all well!

I can relate. I find it extremely difficult and stressful whenever I have to interact with strangers. And quite awkward. I used to just be super shy when I was younger, but now I have a diagnosis of Schizophrenia, which is secondary to my social anxiety.

I would say that perhaps my social anxiety was part of the prodromal phase of my psychosis, and that it's all part of the disorder. I used to think that my diagnoses of social anxiety and Schizophrenia were separate, but my most recent psychiatrist told me that "It's all part of the Schizophrenia". So, apparently, my withdrawn behavior in High School was really the early stages of my development of Schizophrenia. I am on medication for it now, which helps tremendously. My symptoms were appalling. But thankfully I am on sufficient medication now. Anyway, I'm not sure if this post will help you, but I wish you all the best!

Yes and no. I never said someything, I didn't wanted to and I'm not as forgetful, as you described, nor that out of control of my actions. If I'm on my own, which I normally enjoy, I sometimes don't speak for days — and don't miss anything there; written conversations are quite more bearable though. I don't desire to socialise at all (including with family members), but I can do all of that, if necessary. To do so drains the energy out of me, but I can do it… for a while.

Thanks both for your replies!
It's nice to know somebody understands :]
I'm so sorry you have to go through such a struggle too though

andrew112 wrote:I can relate. I find it extremely difficult and stressful whenever I have to interact with strangers. And quite awkward. I used to just be super shy when I was younger, but now I have a diagnosis of Schizophrenia, which is secondary to my social anxiety.

I would say that perhaps my social anxiety was part of the prodromal phase of my psychosis, and that it's all part of the disorder. I used to think that my diagnoses of social anxiety and Schizophrenia were separate, but my most recent psychiatrist told me that "It's all part of the Schizophrenia". So, apparently, my withdrawn behavior in High School was really the early stages of my development of Schizophrenia. I am on medication for it now, which helps tremendously. My symptoms were appalling. But thankfully I am on sufficient medication now. Anyway, I'm not sure if this post will help you, but I wish you all the best!

I didn't know that social anxiety could be part of schizophrenia
I'm so glad your medication is helpful!!!
Yes your post is really of help, thank you a lot!
I wish you much happiness

2ost wrote:Yes and no. I never said someything, I didn't wanted to and I'm not as forgetful, as you described, nor that out of control of my actions. If I'm on my own, which I normally enjoy, I sometimes don't speak for days — and don't miss anything there; written conversations are quite more bearable though. I don't desire to socialise at all (including with family members), but I can do all of that, if necessary. To do so drains the energy out of me, but I can do it… for a while.

I understand!
I hope you're not forced to socialize too much, it truly is very draining
Thank you lots for your reply! wish you many good things

Actually, I started to get more withdrawn in the beginning of high school, too.
To be honest...
I'm not self-diagnosing or anything, just... last week I noticed that I'm experiencing some things similar to psychosis
I think it's been going on since at least a year ago, but I noticed only recently because I heard things that others could not hear more frequently and that made me worry.
I don't know if I should do something about it... I really don't know
sorry for this ramble :p

I'm sorry to hear you are worried about your mental health. I didn't really hear things that other people couldn't hear that much. Maybe once in a long while I hallucinated. But for the most part, it was mainly paranoia and bizarre/delusional ideations. But I'm fine now. I hope all is well.

Hope, you have the opportunity to get help, if you wishes so. I know nothing about the health- and educational system at your place. But in my country there are places/persons to speak about such troubles in an unbiased way.

I knew one person, who is diagnosed with schizophrenia and I only do so, because she told me so once. I think, she took some medications regularly, but with that, she had a complete normal life (other then me, for I'm schizoid and there are no pills to treat that away), as far as I could see.

So if you feel safe enough to do so — and wishes so by yourself — I'd suggest to speak with somebody competent and trustworthy. For, I think, it looked much easier to me, to face a schizophrenia, for example, or similar conditions, with the right treatment, than to endure the symptoms and the ongoing uncertainty as well.

Best wishes to you, what ever you decide to do or not to do.

thank you both so much for your replies and your kindness!
it helps a lot. the advice is great too!
I wish you all well!

I just wanted to say it is not impossible to pass exams without speaking. I have a degree and have selective mutism and autism.

I used sign language interpreters back then but now there are many modern solutions - AAC apps for phones and tablets that speak what you type. Write your sentences out beforehand and save them to a button.


Learn sign language so you can give a presentation in sign and an interpreter can voice your words for others to understand. (Although you may need some kind of official diagnosis these days for a college to provide funding for an interpreter for you).

Still ..buy yourself an ipad (or other tablet though the AAC apps are not as good and many on Android) ..second hand/reconditioned ...download a text to speech app and go visit your local college on open day. Tell them you have selective mutism but wish to do [name of course/subject] and see what provisions they have that could help you ..then you can decide if you wish to go through with it when you have all your information.


Edited to add...sorry I didn't read the other answers about schizophrenia...if you have a dx of that you could mention that to the college as the reason you find it so difficult to speak and use AAC rather than saying you have selective mutism....if you really wanted to pursue qualifications etc. ..and could still learn sign to work with deaf,autistic, people with language disorders (either born with or after stroke/brain injury etc) as interpreter, mental health services, social worker,teacher etc ..your understanding and feeling of how difficult it was to speak would give you a level of understanding most people who work in these fields don't have.

yes. i find speaking and interacting with other people, generally outside of the internet, to be annoyingly difficult, but i have to do it for a lot of my job, so generally i just try to stick to a simple script when interacting with customers so that i don't have to think too much. for me, i generally assume that it's because of the fact that i'm autistic. it tends to get worse after work as well, where i don't want to talk to anyone verbally, and get very burnt out.