Long Absence Long Silence

It's been awhile, since I've been on here. Hello, again. I have Facebook, but I like this format, sometimes. Not that anyone cares, but it's definitely been a journey! There's so much and so little to talk about, it's baffling. I guess I can describe how I'm doing currently: better, after getting on medication (again), for the first time—around—since I was posting on here. Isn't that funky? Well, after getting off of benzodiazepines, I was put on Setraline (Zoloft). I rely on it heavily, to stave off my panic attacks. They were so severe, I was in the intersection, barely moving—because—my heart was ravaging my whole body with fear and pain. So I had psycho-somatic sensations, which have been reduced. Everything is "okay", to some extent. I am able to stay indoors. Before, I felt like I was suffocating. I have an increased tolerance for pain and fear now, but some things are worse, in the sense—that—I now have a severe depression, where I don't leave, shower, brush my teeth, etc., for weeks, and months on end. It's always something right? Ah, well, I hope everyone else is not as bad, but I understand if you are, or worse—life is tough—"bleck", so we have to be tougher, huh. Anyways, I "blab" on a bit, but—just wish—to extend some formal greetings, for no particular reason. I guess I am, lonely, as I'll ever be. I don't see anyone in-person, but I do keep busy with these writings, and videos. I wish y'all well. I don't expect much, but appreciate, a lot!

Hello and welcome back!

OMG I relate to the panic attack in public thing... sometimes I just start crying and need to sit down on the sidewalk... I have klonopin to "take as needed" but it's still just so embarrassing. I don't get them when I'm doing a little better, but it's really up and down. I'm new here but welcome back and I'm glad some things are working out for you

For a span of maybe four or five years I was prone to the occasional panic attack, in my twenties. It's a very rare occurrence since then. Usually in public- and usually in specific places. I didn't know what they were- no internet yet- and it wasn't until I read a magazine article about them that I understood what was going on. I thought it was a mind game going on- but reading about it solidified that opinion, and I managed to rid myself of them via willpower- I out-stubborned them. I got bloody-minded about it and wouldn't let them control my behavior (leaving the place where it happened and going home). Once I understood this was my mind playing games, it got better.

I'm still an anxious person, but full-blown, your-heart-about-to-explode kind of panic attack is a very rare thing now- oh my heart gets to pounding sometimes but not like it did. Not 'I'm going to die' kind of attack.

Hello Long Absence Long Silence,
I hope you are well. This is my first time in Psychforums, and after an hour or working it all out I am now registered. Your post I read this morning you posted sometime ago really touched me. For years I have been pretty good at hiding my deep depression, anxiety, post traumatic stress disorder, random panic attacks and now agoraphobia. Without rambling on, I have become very efficient at staying at home with my 2 pets and at times I don’t actually see, interact or speak to any other person for 3-4 weeks- months. I have a plethora of excuses to prevent actual people coming into my home.
( Don’t disturb, night duty, Isolation in this home +ve case within, Gone walking back soon, Answering machine on 24/7, I can’t hear anyone knocking as I have head phones on, outside, next door, on phone, sleeping) and on goes my list.
I suspect people know I am avoiding them, they eventually give up and being left alone prevails.
I have admitted myself to private health clinics x5 times, I take antidepressants, my diet is okay, I have pets for company but I am getting worse and worse with my mental health issues.
I work in the medical field, am the wrong side of 50 but not 60 yet. I have taken extended leave from work and feel I will never return.
How are you, have you found any help and can you go out and what they call “ live” again.
Warm regards, Tink2243

I used to have panic attacks, but have not had one in a long time thanks to Lexapro. I have never had one in public, however, which I am fortunate of. The only benzo I ever took was Restoril for sleep, while I was an inpatient at the hospital. It's funny how being in the psychiatric unit made me just want to get stable and out of there already. Ever since then I have been med-compliant, which will be five years this August. I would say that I have made a lot of progress so far; but I have tampered with my medication regime since becoming compliant, with my doctor's permission, of course. Maybe he just wanted me to realize on my own that I need medication. And I do realize that now.

I have a question for people who have panic attacks: afterwards, do you feel any better? Less anxious? Are they at all cathartic?

I ask this because I have almost constant anxiety. It's always there on some level, sometimes just barely, but sometimes it rises to the point where I almost wish I could have a panic attack to relieve the pressure. Acute anxiety that doesn't go over the top can be unbearable, and I've been sliding slowly into self-harm because it helps.

I'm aware of all the exercises and techniques to help quell severe anxiety, but sometimes that feels like trying to put out a house fire with a water pistol.

Oblivion wrote:I have a question for people who have panic attacks: afterwards, do you feel any better? Less anxious? Are they at all cathartic?

I ask this because I have almost constant anxiety. It's always there on some level, sometimes just barely, but sometimes it rises to the point where I almost wish I could have a panic attack to relieve the pressure. Acute anxiety that doesn't go over the top can be unbearable, and I've been sliding slowly into self-harm because it helps.

I'm aware of all the exercises and techniques to help quell severe anxiety, but sometimes that feels like trying to put out a house fire with a water pistol.

I've never heard of a panic attack being in the least cathartic. They hit you, sometimes seemingly out of nowhere, and you're convinced you're going to have a heart attack or just beat its way out of your chest and wherever you are, you generally want to be Somewhere Else.

At least, that's been my experience. And afterwards you're just glad it stopped and hope like mad it doesn't happen again. Which... probably means that it will because you kind of self-fulfill that prophesy.