I don't know what to do.. Seeking healing and alternative co

I don't know what to do or where to turn. I feel at disparity often due to not having an option. I used to want to create a place called "option hope" for people that was run more like a hostel or organic farm commune for those in times of breakdown or distress. Now I could not imagine such a venture from what only myself has endured. I am tired and on the brink of exhaustion. Mainstream solutions and treatment were either too remedial for my mind that thrived in creative settings and not clinical. The drugs all just made me feel worse other than some relief from the ever dreaded benzo or hopeful relief. The forced hospitalizations when I was at my worst after having a breakdown after a series of truly major traumatic events traumatized me equally and were not helpful for myself. I just needed a safe landing somewhere and creative beings around me that even possibly were not doing so well themselves in hope for something better. The only options I found online that were alternative were outside of my price range for that huge allotment of money to be permitted out with permission of my now court appointed conservator. This has made my life headache. Otherwise I would be on the road and exploring as I always did over my life. I was a traveler. Living in everything from a camper van to backpacking the west. Now I am not able to drive legally and stuck with a guardian temporarily and I have to get everything authorized. This has caused alot of the depression and frustration due to if the funds and freedom were in my hands I would be more competent with my healing. I need to find a place or community to live in while I heal. I have the funds to pay rent even. I just do not think the community exists for some reason and I am left to wonder why other than legalities and I find myself very tired in my search. Any advice ?

I can understand why you would be feeling depressed. You've lost control of your own life albeit temporary. Hopefully things will start to improve for you soon so you can get back to living life again, the way you used to anyway.

Not sure I can help with suggestions as such. Are there any local support groups you could use? Here in the UK they're often run as charities. Your local mental health services might be able to suggest something perhaps. I know when I first got ill I contacted a mental health support charity and they were able to give me details of local groups in the community, some with drop in sessions so you can come and go as you like. Then perhaps you could look around for a creative outlet too. Again perhaps there are courses or something you could attend. It would be ideal if it were all in the same place but they are going to be quite specialised and so perhaps expensive. Perhaps you could just find different outlets to meet your needs that way? It might be difficult to find a place that is going to cater for all your needs so you might need to mix it up a bit.

Good luck and I hope you find what you're looking for

I just wanted to share my thoughts on this too.
On the one hand, having the freedom of being to able to live 'freely' (within the rules / construct of society) is wonderful but it also allows for many people to become disconnected or fall through the cracks and live years, even decades in the darkness, obscurity, and unseen and great problems develop as a result only to be discovered much too late in the latter stages of life.

I've always thought of a fantasy to live in a society where there's more structure and intention to everything. It would be nice to have a large piece of land or maybe an island and turn it into some kind of healing/renewal haven. A place where you could have natural healing from nature, from stress-free pace of life and find meaningful things to do that contribute to the whole as well as the self. It's very idealistic and I know and there would always be problems with anything you want to create, but if each person could find something real meaningful and valuable for their lives, instead of living and doing things because we 'have to' or few choices/options, out of the basic need to survive and pay bills, put food on the table, have shelter etc.