How do you get along with people you live with? Or do you?

Hi StefyMarie, thank you for writing. You are not alone.

I’ve been cleaning my sleeping area every day for like a week now. Not like the whole home doesn’t badly need it. It was difficult at first because of feeling powerful negative emotions. I still feel powerful negative emotions, but they are diminishing along with the mess.

The people I live with are astonished, impressed, gratified, threatened, & ashamed at what I’ve done. I’m practicing good boundaries. I’m not touching their stuff. They told me I could clean their mess too, & I was like “No, thanks.”

I’m sticking to my own spaces & the common areas. I’m letting them clean up their own messes. One day I might have to clean up their messes, but until then, keeping my own spaces & the common areas clean is enough.

If I’m annoyed with someone, it’s usually because we are spending way too much time together. Not my choice. They think they have to come find me.

thegentlepath wrote:You’ve got to know who you’re dealing with, starting with you. Know thyself. What are your perceived strengths & weaknesses? Then take into consideration the Other, what are their strengths & weaknesses?

The family member with whom I personally struggle the most had a traumatic brain injury in adolescence with a loss of consciousness. From what little I know about brain injury, it negatively impacts lives in numerous & sundry ways. It’s frustrating, but life is frustrating.

thegentlepath wrote:

thegentlepath wrote:You’ve got to know who you’re dealing with, starting with you. Know thyself. What are your perceived strengths & weaknesses? Then take into consideration the Other, what are their strengths & weaknesses?

The family member with whom I personally struggle the most had a traumatic brain injury in adolescence with a loss of consciousness. From what little I know about brain injury, it negatively impacts lives in numerous & sundry ways. It’s frustrating, but life is frustrating.

They also were born with the umbilical cord wrapped around their neck, which may have deprived their brain of oxygen in the womb?

Never underestimate the power of brownie points. It’s not enough to do chores, but do it when they’re looking so they can see with their own beady little eyes. Brownie points can backfire though, if you think you’re doing someone else a favor & the solution was worse than the problem. It’s not always obvious either. You can tell by the reaction & by then it’s too late. That’s why it’s beneficial to have a bunch of brownie points racked up already.

I’ve also found if I wear my hair certain ways, others have positive personal regard for me. Everybody’s a unique snowflake though.

I now have the honor of being delegated part of the weekly grocery shopping. This is a good thing for several reasons. The accrual of brownie points, keeping the car battery from dying of disuse, & keeping in the habit of leaving the house. I want to gradually increase the time spent away.

One of my family members is helping me with one of my goals. I’m better able to get along with others if we have a common goal. Plus it’s an interruption of my negative ruminations.