Living in 2 worlds

Hello Psychforum,

I'm writing to you in hopes to find others who might share this experience or perhaps could help me with it. For about a decade and a half i have been experiencing some kind of cognitive divergence. Its like i'm living in 2 different worlds at once. I experience 2 different instances at most any given time. Over the years what started as minor divergences are starting to become more distinct.

I can't tell sometimes what is real and what isnt, its like i can meet an old friend and i see 2 very well fleshed out histories. One where the friend is a pastor and another where his working in the prop business in the studio. And when i ask to clarify, i hear both yes and no at the same time. These divergent worlds have taken a toll on my personality as well.

Its like i've been split in 2. This part on a split was only made known to me recently, i always thought i experienced a bit of forgetfulness until 2 friends at my christmas gathering showed me text msges that came from my very own account showing me typing in a completely different style. After this occasion i found out from some of my gaming friends that, there were times i msged them awkwardly in the middle of the night as well and they thought i got hacked.

It seems that there is another personality of me acting out in pockets of time when i'm asleep, a personality influenced by the realities of the other divergence which i also feel and struggle to focus it away. I honestly wish i knew what is wrong with me but at the same time i dare not to go to the doctors. Society frowns upon mental illnesses here. If my workplace finds out that i'm a wack, i'm going to get fired for sure and my medical record isn't going to bode well if future companies demand i submit it for their insurance policy or whichever.

I feel like i'm slipping away my grip slowly.

Hello, and welcome to the forums.

No one here can diagnose you, but you might want to check out the DID forum to see if experiences over there sound familiar: dissociative-disorders/

I don't know what part of the world you live in, and don't need to know, but if it's financially viable you might be able to pay a specialist from another country to have a video chat consultation about your experiences, just to get a professional opinion.

Best of luck to you.

Crows

I get like that sometimes and its manageable for myself, but you might want to seek help if it is really disabling you from being able to maintain.
In my case i have huge grandiose fantasys, i mean its so detailed these scenarios in my head, people i meet a girl i like, a foe or nemesis, fantasies looping very detailed sexual experiences, violence, grandiose godlike powers.
it becomes so involved that a female coworker i have had illusions about so deep i actually feel like we have had sex and feel a little shame for degrading her in rough sex acts although we haven't spoken 3 times.
i have beaten my nemesis coworker at least 30 times in very violent ways.(in my head)
Point is real or unreal sometimes it gets cluttered until i reign it back in and remind myself it was just a fantasy
i used to actually have a name for this it was "mr scenario", i would catch myself in a fantasy and say "ok mr scenario, i see you and lets calm down", now i know it was just my narcissism so i renamed it "narc"....."ok narc we need to come back to reality"

but realizing and separating the shame and guilt into a "manifestation" i can talk to in my head and shut down works for me if it is an issue that is getting the best of you than seek help, forget the stigma you are talking about your own mental health here, you dont have to put it on a billboard, just do it low key as you can