Living With My Mental Illness

EDIT**
It seems that I have...
Tourettes Syndrome.
Segments of Aspergers Syndrome.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
Segments of Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder.
Tic (movement disorder).
Eidetic Memory.
Flat feet.
Extra teeth.
---

Hello. My Name is Daniel (Edmond) ******
For now, I will keep my last name confidential for several reasons.
I am thirteen years old, but I do hate it very much so when people say I'm just a kid (not that I am not, but I do not like it anyway, as I will grow up to be an adult. A kid is not automatically stupid).

I feel like this is the first time I can tell a short story about my life.

There are a few main things that have made my life so horrible.

My Tourettes Syndrome
My Aspergers Syndrome
My Intelligence
My OCD/Tics (This has been a lot less severe recently)

It is said that I have ADHD, but it is not sure.

Tourettes Syndrome
I used to have many tics, and that was not a good thing to have if you wanted to make friends. Tourettes Syndrome is linked with OCD and Ticks, which I have overcome using will power. However, I still occasionally have them.

Aspergers Syndrome
As far as I know, I have many aspects of Aspergers Syndrome, yet I am still very social and funny, but there are still quite a few things that are harming me with this syndrome.

Intelligence
It is not enjoyable when you post something requiring high intellectual capabilities on a forum, or say it to a person, and someone replies with a vulgar insult directly to me, because they think that I am very stupid. Most people disagree with me because of my extremely logical and reasoning induced thinking. This is one of the biggest problems in my life, yet I still enjoy it because it gives me an interest in...

In the future I may make a "question" thread so that I can improve on my knowledge, relating to science. My interests are:

Scientific philosophy, inventing, theory quackery, general physics, and programming. I do not plan on becoming a professional in programming.

I dislike:
anything with religion.
I also have no real interest in time. Here is why:
When I was in my later 9-year-old childhood, my mother and me were walking down a street. All of a sudden, I started talking about time. I was talking about how "if time has to do with dimensions, maybe kind of like a quark for an object, each unit of time contains a different dimension". However, I have now decided that time is just a man-made tool to help us go on with the evolution and advancement of the universe. It is a long story, and very hard to tell on a forum, so I won't talk about that right now.
I used to love space. I read a big, fat 350-page book of it when I was beginning my 7th year of living. I may get back into astronomy, but I am way behind in overall knowledge currently.

Due to many events, my knowledge is currently considerably lower than an average 8th grader. That is because I have been a lazy boy, and I have ruined my child hood even further. I have rarely been to school.

The bad thing is, when I was 8 years old, I had to spend many months in a farm/residence. For some reason, I was very close to my mother, and I have very strong emotions. The combination led to extreme stress, as I was waking up every morning with soaked pillows. When I had food, I would take it with my hand, and try to catch my tears with the food. I now dislike my mother. I feel very bad for this, but I guess life goes this way.
Even worse, my dreams were so realistic that the only way I could tell them from reality was if they had an unrealistic landscape.
This dreaming effect of mine has been getting more and more realistic as I grow.
All of this meant that I had far more pain than the other people there.

I have been in different residences until mid 12 years old, roughly one year ago.

I now plan on regaining a high amount of knowledge. I am reading a very big amount of information related to science and mathematics. I am also remembering pi at 50 decimals per day, which will hopefully help me reach the memory I used to have. This is a good way to sharpen memory, since I love numbers as well.

Considering every factor of my life, which includes my superb nutrition, until I later gave up on seafood and went on a stretch of my life on fast food due to the residences' horrible food ruining my tasting palette, I think I had the potential to be more intelligent. More so in a way that I would have been much better at scientifically related stuff. I love seafood. I loved all types of seafood since I was 5 years old.

I really want to be with my mother again, but her 10-second memory (basically caring FAR too much for me), and her frequent, long-time happening tics are a trigger to a bomb inside of me.
She will not stop telling me the same things over and over again, even if I remember them clearly.

I was a fan of algebra when i was 7 years old, but it has faded into a vague memory. I do want to get back into it, though.

I do not wish to have kids, as I do not think anyone deserves the pain I have had.

I have thought of killing myself while trapped in these residences, but since I do not believe in reincarnation of soul (although I do in the fact that animals will eat my flesh, and humans will eat the animals), I knew my life was worth more than that.

I hope to get along with everyone at this forum. I really do.

One last thing, for fun... I use my brain power on it... It really is quite fun.
I can manipulate my environment to a drug-like state. I can make objects, especially textured walls/floors move in 2D or 3D waves, pulse, dislocate themselves. Here is a 3D waving illusion similar to my manipulation.
Here is what I can do:
The image tool does not want to work.
http://img253.imageshack.us/my.php?image=opticalillusionob9.gif

EDIT!
I am adding one of my replies here, to show what I mean with my trouble.
To show you what I mean with layers of logic and reasoning, as well as my trouble with intelligence, I will prove to you that I seem like a retard when I say my oppinion. on some science

I am very clueless unless I have something proposed. I'll give it a shot though. I am not experienced in writing comlpicated stuff, but I'll still try

One that I find very easy to understand...
Time is a tool, a man-made one.
Like I said, it is very hard to discuss about it on a forum.
Nature does not have "built in time".
The closest thing to what I mean is...
even going back in time consumes an equal amount of time at present. Going back in time would seemingly just be a change of scenery. I do not know how to state my newer statement of it, which is that time, is simply not accessible.
Why? Because there is no reasoning in it, I just "see it that way" I think about time, and it pops up. time measures the evolution of something. The universe evolves on events, not on time. I still have not proven my real point, because it is far easier when I talk directly to someone.

Another thing...
This goes against logic, but with such little knowledge about this, how can you know? True logic is always right, which is not always good. Since it is always right, if you are given the wrong knowledge, you will come up with the wrong answer. Since we know so little about many things, knowledge is often wrong.


REMEMBER! Think clearly before you react.

What if we are not conscious? It seems so unlikely. Of course we are, we are right here, talking! But are you really sure? what makes you think you are sitting on a chair right now? What makes you think you have a computer, or a mother? How the hell are you so sure that your perspective is not somehow different? What if you had a perspective difference for your entire life? Maybe that is only what you think, since it is from your perspective. Are you absolutely positive? Maybe this perspective is different from others. What I mean by perspective can also be changed into "drugs", or general hallucinations.

If I see a square, will you see the same square? Maybe our brain translates images differently, and therefore it is impossible to know the differences since it is a perspective. Because of this, if a person sees something and tells the other person what he sees, to the other person, the hearing will be translated into a comprehensible language, thus into that humans' 5 senses, and so it will seem as if the other person has the same perspective.

And so on...
By the way, I am not angry or anything. Talking harshly seems to make a person focus more.

You think you know, but that is only because you have been raised that way. You have never experienced another perspective of life, and therefore you can't know. It seems so obvious, and it is, but in your brain's perspective, not in the true reality.

Think of it as the matrix. The movie was pure crap when it came to science, but it will simplify things for you. The humans inside the computer don't know that they are in a computer. Neo did not until he saw. Remember, it was crap on science, but it simplifies my point.

Most of you are probably going to do what I said with the layers. I am going to seem like a complete retard. Not even my very bright dad wants to understand.

Thank you. It is past 1 AM now, so I will be going to bed.

beatachica wrote:

Dan (Edmond) wrote:Thank you. It is past 1 AM now, so I will be going to bed.

k, g'night


and sweet dreams

My last post before I go to bed...
I added to my thread, explaining my manipulation on reality.
Take a look at what it looks like when I manipulate.

Hello Dan

I am a mum with a 14year old daughter who has Aspergers and psychosis (a recent development). Like you, she is very intelligent and also extremely sociable with an amazing sense of humour. She too has great difficulty relating to her mum and things are really hard sometimes for both of us. Don't get me wrong, I know I'm not perfect either!

The main problem as I see it, is trying to get other people to think outside the box. I find my daughter's way of seeing things to be incredibly refreshing as well as rather blunt sometimes. What's wrong sometimes with just saying it like it is? Sadly though, as I am sure you know, this can be perceived as rudeness or ignorance and also like you, my daughter seems to have virtually given up at school because she's sick and tired of having to fight to be understood all the time.

With regard to your mum - could you arrange to see her just for very short spells of time. It sounds as though you really do want to see her and you say she cares for you. If you can both agree upon an acceptable amount of time to spend with each other without causing pain (even if it's just ten minutes once a month) I'm sure it would help you to feel a little bit better.

Anyway, I'm rambling. What I wanted to say Dan is that there is absolutely nothing wrong with the way that you are. You have recognised where your own difficulties lie as well as where your strengths are and have made a conscious decision to go forward in a positive way. I applaud you.

Good luck for the future Dan, you sound like a really great bloke.

xxx

DazedMum...
Thank you for the speech.
About your daughter sounding blunt, I have the same thing.
This is because...

Well, I have named something of mine called Layers.
It is the amount of layers deep that someone thinks about logic and can reason with things.

A normal person will say something that they heard from the news.
A brighter person will hear that, and say "that's not true, because of this"
An even brighter person will overlap the previous person with logic and reason, and say "That is true, because of this".
The brightest person will say (overlapping the previous one), "that is true".


But since a person thinking 2 layers above the other one will have the same answer but for a much more suitable reason, the person in the middle who disagrees with both of them (saying that it isn't true) will see the brighter person as the one below them, as the brighter person has the same answer as the one below the middle person, but is understandable by the person in the middle, as the person with the higher reasoning won't by.
This is most likely why you see your daughter as sometimes blunt.
I have the same thing.

beatachica wrote:edmond, i can understand a love for knowledge..... but you seem to be preoccupied with intelligence and superiority


any reason why?

I find it fun.
But it is definitely not my life. I do many other things as well.

beatachica...

I know far from anything.
I will be dead before I know everything. We know less than 1% of any subject.
That means I probably know 0.01%...
I guarantee no end to my knowledge. But anyway, I do indeed have a superb learning ability.

beatachica wrote:

Dan (Edmond) wrote:beatachica...

I know far from anything.
I will be dead before I know everything. We know less than 1% of any subject.
That means I probably know 0.01%...
I guarantee no end to my knowledge. But anyway, I do indeed have a superb learning ability.

dont limit yourself either, who knows where the world will be by the time you're 50




if you can, read as much as possible... be a sponge



study logic and critical thinking as well, it really helps to organize the mind and prove your case to others

(after all, what does it all matter if it stays inside ones head?!)

Why work on logic if it is already too advanced for anyone to understand?

Dan (Edmond) wrote:Why work on logic if it is already too advanced for anyone to understand?

Most everything can be broken down into understandable entities. Especially logic, i'd say.

Is it that complex? Wow.. I never even questioned the fact since it seemed so.. logic. :^)