pass the buck on...

i find i have this problem with 'friends' i turn to when i need 'help'. who else has this type of problem?


$#%^ happens to you. you are going through hell. anxiety, chemical imbalance, that time of the month, whatever the hell the cause is. the end result IS however, you need someone to turn to. someone to talk to. someone to help you through whatever it is you're going through. some support of some sort. its not a 'light matter' where you can turn to a co-worker or a casual aquaintance and talk things over. its a lot heavier and more serious and personal that only people who KNOW you and you feel you don't have to re-explain $#%^ all over again from before the begininng.

so you go and turn to that person. and what happens? once upon a time, you used to be able to turn to that person, and now, all of a sudden, you are a 'taboo' to them. they start to take the 'legal' and 'safe' and 'official' routes. they tell you "then you should go see a doctor." "then you should go talk to a psychiatrist/counselor/therapist" "then you should go call 911" OR.... they instead go and rattle tat tale on you and next thing you know, cops are knocking on your door? asking you questions? or if you at work or school, the counselor is calling you to their office? and you're being put on 'sick-leave'?


i don't wana hear the excuse 'its outta my league'. that's an excuse, not a REASON.

excuse: a subterfuge, a coverup
reason: a basis, a cause with logistical judgement application

that would be like me trying to go to a veterinarian to 'treat' my computer when it got infected with a virus. no. if i really did believe it really was out of his league, i wouldn't even bother him cause i know he has no knowledge whatsoever in that area.

how many other people get the feeling its more because other people they once called 'friend' now don't want to be caught up in the leagal system? all due to morals and ethics? my opinion in the matter? if a person falls and can't get up, asks their friend to help them get up, their friend freaks out and says, then you better dial 911 and call the emts and leaves, (and the phone isn't even nearby for that matter, so calling is not an option that will happen), and so the person has to wait till someone else comes by and asks them to get up and they do...........lets say NO ONE else came by to help that person get up? then what? what if there were special needs for the person when it came to getting back up that only the friend seemed to know, and emts dont thats not easy to communicate to them? personally, i feel if the buck is passed on and they say or tattle tale to go to officials, that person was looking and trusting and putting faith and hope in their FRIEND, and not a TOTAL STRANGER regardless on how much training and education they may have recieved on the topic. every human is different and NO ONE fits the cookie cutter stamp list in school books to an exact tee. what works for one, won't for another, and only partially for another, and another? will have weird and unsual quirks not even in the books yet.


one of these days, when i crack and loose it, it'll be too late. and it won't be till much later after the fact that MAYBE just a SMALL portion might dong on one who i once called a 'friend's' head.

cursed,

When you say down, do you mean depression or feeling bad down or down as I am going to kill myself down?

I would think a "good friend" would be able to handle feeling down
That same friend could also be very scared for you if it is a explosive or self harm kind of down. ?

I sorry you feel frustrated that you cant count on someone to confide in.

I would love to still be inocent enough to believe people are there to help you just because.

I would love to trust people like I used to when I was a kid.

yes I miss the innocences, but everyone finds out about Santa.

I do believe, I know in my heart there are people who truly care and love other human beings just for that and that alone.

I also believe that there are good people in this world. I fully expect my child to grow up a decent person, who can stand on his word.

Yes, sometimes you can only rely on yourself. But then maybe at those times that is what you need to do anyway.

World can be a violent unforgiving place. But it is not the entire world, or everyone. Thank Goodness!

peace to all.
red

I do have friends I know I can depend on. I'm lucky. But I would never *expect* them to be there and support me whenever I needed it. They have their own lives, their own issues and problems. Sometimes dealing with their own $#%^ means they can't handle dealing with mine too - and it would be wrong of me to expect them to, really.

I've also been in the position of being unable to be there for a friend because of things that were happening in my own life. I'm not uncaring, or unforgiving... I just couldn't cope with both my burden and theirs at the time. Another friend regularly turned to me for help; after a couple of years, it really was too much for me. I really did care for and about her, but after so long of listening to all her problems, I found it was actually dragging me down too. I couldn't be strong enough for both of us, I guess.

Well, when you're in the middle of a hardship it's easy to get so engrossed in your own problems that you don't notice how selfish you can be sometimes.

I wouldn't end a friendship because of that. But I think I would be frank if I felt I couldn't handle it any more. Perhaps tell the person that I need more time to deal with my own life.

You could make a schedule, arrange to meet once a week or so.

I don't understand what you mean with "enable".

Huh? There was a message from SmallTalkRed there just a while ago.

Lucidor,

There was, I really had gone off topic.

I don't know what curse is dealing with but I just hope he/she
is ok.

peace and tranquility,
Red

You are labing yourself. I never really understoon why, but I always had the feeling that labeling is pretty damaging. I suggest you to only open your heart to very select people, perhaps your parents or a very close, old friend.


Here is an article on labeling:

http://kenschenck.blogspot.com/2006/09/ ... abels.html


So, my guess is that they see you as a mentally ill person and they attach a lot of negative stuff on it (regardless of the fact that they may be mentally ill themselves).

The end point is you cannot change the world, just yourself. While you can cure youself of mental illness (don't believe those that tell you it's not possible, maybe very difficult disorders are not curable, like schizophrenia, but can't say for sure, but thought disorders are definetely possible to get cured, not just cured, I'd say 100% yes, you heard me), you can't change how society is thinking. But you can know enough to be well and happy.

Me for instance, I am not attracted to fat women, not because they are fat, but because of the stereotypes that apply on them, stuff like they are lazy, uncaring etc. I know that these stereotypes are not true, and even if they apply to some fat women they also apply to thin women. Still, these stereotypes are dictated by society itself.

Have you seen many fat women possing on magazines, advertising clothes or perfumes or many fat women being the sweetheart of the main actors in major films? Not even serial killers go after them in horrror films! They always go for the slim ones. You get my point? Of course media does it, because that way they sell more, but that doesn't make it right.

Why I don't challenge these stereotypes? Because challenging them is not of any use to me. I prefer slim women and I don't want to change that.

People work that way. So, if you label yourself as mentally ill, other people might as well think "Oh, he's crazy, I'll stay away!" Or "Oh, my God, he wants to hurt me, I'll call the police". They won't bother thinking, ok, he's mentally ill, but how ill? Him being mentally ill doesn't necessarily make him a psychopath (most people really can't differentiate between mental disorders anyway, so they may not be able to think that far), so he is not gonna want to massacre me with a saw or something. Or being mentally ill doesn't necessarily makes him incapable of working, but that's not how an employeer would see it, he will just use the label to get quickly done with it (he may think, what if he start yellowing at clients and throwing things on the,?).

That's my understanding though, I haven't found enough information to support what I am saying here. It just feels true to me though.