Would rather be dead than work full-time

Something that works for some people is this: Try to find something you’re passionate about, something you love, and make a profession out of it.

It’s by no means an easy thing to do. But it’s a way to avoid the usual alienating wage slavery and worth thinking about.

To be honest with you, minimum wage in Canada is pretty high already at $11 CDN. I am from Hong Kong and their minimum wage equivalent is $4 CDN. The living standards in Hong Kong are also pretty high. Housing is extremely expensive, far more so than Canada for 400 square feet apartment. We should be content that we live in an amazingly democratic country like Canada.

Like El Nino says find something you enjoy working with. You have mental illness, have you looked into being a peer support worker helping people with their mental illnesses? I don't know your educational background, but if you want higher than minimum wage then you gotta go to college or university. Especially in Canada, we have OSAP loans to support our post secondary education, so it shouldn't be impossible to attend one.

I feel like I understand where you are coming from.

I am currently working at a Chuck-E-Cheese in the kitchen. I closed 2 hours ago and I get up to get ready to open in 4 hours and 20 minutes.

Spring break.

This pays about 9 bucks an hour. I have worked 14 hours there to date. I started this week. I also edit books, when I god damned feel like it, and not any other time. That pays 30-50 and hour, depending on how many breaks I take. I do a bit of marketing consulting at a pretty rediculously high rate as well when I can find clients.

I have absolutely no idea how I fell into those latter two positions, but I am damned good at it. You'd think I coud convince myself to put in enough hours at those kinds of rates, right? Why would I possibly need to ever do a job that would require me to dress in a mouse suit and dance while 2 years old attempt to tackle or even vomit on me? Because I ######6 hate working.

It is so bad that I often starve. I couch surf and stay with friends, have bouts of homelessness and have even endured a live-in relationship as a stay at home boyfriend to avoid the rigors of work... This, after having been a success in corporate IT, which sometimes requires 90 hour work weeks and having worked on the flight deck in the Navy in the persian gulf. I couldn't even guess how many hours that was a week, because I didn't bother counting them. It was that much. If I can endure at least 14 hour days, seven days a week, peaking in the high 130s F., how can I possibly not endure 4 hours of editing a day? What if I put it into 1 hour spurts and rewarded myself with video games and pot?

No idea. That might work in theory, but I just procrastinate. I have dropped out of high school only once, but several out of college. I am not even going to edit this post. How is that for credibility and pride in one's profession? I don't know. I don't get why I am like this now. Maybe I burned out. I have had a pretty messed up life as well, dealing with mental illness in other's, trauma and even my own mental illness issues.

Right now, I need to be off my buddies couch by Monday, and I have a $130 check and a $74.36 check. We'll see.

I don't know how I can help you. I am kind of rambling and going no where with this $#%^. Even this post sounded like work, btw. Look how often I post these days, but you said talking to someone that get's it might help. Hope I can help somehow, because not feeling motivated enough to work is far ######6 worse than the worst day in the heat, covered in grease and fuel, with jet fumes in my eyes, carrying heavy chains ever did.

Imperius wrote:To be honest with you, minimum wage in Canada is pretty high already at $11 CDN. I am from Hong Kong and their minimum wage equivalent is $4 CDN. The living standards in Hong Kong are also pretty high. Housing is extremely expensive, far more so than Canada for 400 square feet apartment. We should be content that we live in an amazingly democratic country like Canada.

Like El Nino says find something you enjoy working with. You have mental illness, have you looked into being a peer support worker helping people with their mental illnesses? I don't know your educational background, but if you want higher than minimum wage then you gotta go to college or university. Especially in Canada, we have OSAP loans to support our post secondary education, so it shouldn't be impossible to attend one.

Wow... equivalent to $4 an hour? That's terrible. I do understand that us Canadian's are much better off than most places and we have much to be thankful for. It certainly could be a lot worse. I do try to be thankful for what I have, but it is still a difficult existence living on minimum wage, there is no denying that.

All I have for education is high school, as I dropped out of university only a couple weeks ago. I somewhat regret doing that, but the problem was, i was not prepared for it at all. I definitely want to go back- as soon as September (if they allow me back). Also I may not be eligible for another student loan since I dropped out of school. But yes, post secondary education is almost essential in this country. It is also very expensive (I think Canada has some of the highest tuition rates in the world).

Caustic wrote:I feel like I understand where you are coming from.

I am currently working at a Chuck-E-Cheese in the kitchen. I closed 2 hours ago and I get up to get ready to open in 4 hours and 20 minutes.

Spring break.

This pays about 9 bucks an hour. I have worked 14 hours there to date. I started this week. I also edit books, when I god damned feel like it, and not any other time. That pays 30-50 and hour, depending on how many breaks I take. I do a bit of marketing consulting at a pretty rediculously high rate as well when I can find clients.

I have absolutely no idea how I fell into those latter two positions, but I am damned good at it. You'd think I coud convince myself to put in enough hours at those kinds of rates, right? Why would I possibly need to ever do a job that would require me to dress in a mouse suit and dance while 2 years old attempt to tackle or even vomit on me? Because I ######6 hate working.

It is so bad that I often starve. I couch surf and stay with friends, have bouts of homelessness and have even endured a live-in relationship as a stay at home boyfriend to avoid the rigors of work... This, after having been a success in corporate IT, which sometimes requires 90 hour work weeks and having worked on the flight deck in the Navy in the persian gulf. I couldn't even guess how many hours that was a week, because I didn't bother counting them. It was that much. If I can endure at least 14 hour days, seven days a week, peaking in the high 130s F., how can I possibly not endure 4 hours of editing a day? What if I put it into 1 hour spurts and rewarded myself with video games and pot?

No idea. That might work in theory, but I just procrastinate. I have dropped out of high school only once, but several out of college. I am not even going to edit this post. How is that for credibility and pride in one's profession? I don't know. I don't get why I am like this now. Maybe I burned out. I have had a pretty messed up life as well, dealing with mental illness in other's, trauma and even my own mental illness issues.

Right now, I need to be off my buddies couch by Monday, and I have a $130 check and a $74.36 check. We'll see.

I don't know how I can help you. I am kind of rambling and going no where with this $#%^. Even this post sounded like work, btw. Look how often I post these days, but you said talking to someone that get's it might help. Hope I can help somehow, because not feeling motivated enough to work is far ######6 worse than the worst day in the heat, covered in grease and fuel, with jet fumes in my eyes, carrying heavy chains ever did.

Your post was incredibly helpful and honest. It's interesting that you have the choice to work when you want now, and you can make good money by doing so, yet you choose not to work. I totally understand how you feel. I think for people like us, who have endured trauma and our own mental health issues caused and/or not caused by trauma.... perhaps we have major difficulties in organising our priorities and keeping on top of important tasks. I don't know about you, but outside of any kind of work, I am so pre-occupied with things that don't matter that It's hard for me to focus on things that need to get done. I am such a perfectionist and I have obsessive tendencies that cause me to have this "all or nothing" mentality. I can't slack off a bit- I have to do things perfectly, or else I have failed. I am trying to get away from this dead-end mentality, as It does not allow for personal growth. Even as I write this post, I am angry at how "terrible" my writing is. Perfectionism at its finest! (lol).

My advice to you, would be to reallyremember how often you used to have to work (up to 90 hour work weeks.) When you are trying to get your editing work done that you do now, just reminisce about your past and how difficult it was for you, and compare it to how relatively easy your current job is. (I'm assuming what you do now for a career is much easier than the jobs you used to have, but what you have described.)

Perhaps you could set a start time and an end time, much as would happen in a regular job. A short amount of time, perhaps a four hour "shift". Practice it. You may find it is not as difficult as you imagine it. There is a term in psychology about people who "catastrophize" trivial things, such as having to work. For example, I am completely guilty of it- BEFORE I have to work, I tell myself that working is the worst thing in the world, it is "torture", I have suicidal ideation. But the reality is, it could be much worse and it is NOT that bad. Also, I think having mental health issues makes it that much more difficult. Now, interestingly, all the advice I just gave you, I have genuinely tried to apply to myself. I applied this mindset to working hard a few times in university... only a few however. Sometimes I would just sit there and pull my hair and feel completely overwhelmed. I have a very short attention span. Yet, at times, I plowed through work quickly and efficiently. But I find I can only endure so much work. i find writing a single essay, or a few hours of studying, utterly exhausting. I suppose it takes a lot of PRACTICE. I think people like you and I have a very low threshold for doing things we don't want to do... but I am certain there are many people that truly hate most kinds of work but somehow they manage. It takes practice and thorough organizational skills to deal with working a lot.

Your job you describe in the last paragraph sounds genuinely awful. Like I said, try to remember that metaphorical hell you experienced and compare your job today versus your old jobs. I think it may - help a little. Set time limits on yourself (give yourself work "shifts"- write down your schedule and stick to it), save money, and the more money you have saved, perhaps the more you will want to work.

patientlywaiting

I’m new here and I think you are smart for not wanting to work at something that doesn’t make you happy or benefits you. I don’t work very much either but that’s because I cannot work for anyone or any company because of my many issues.

The only work I do is clean up after animals but that’s ok because I live on a farm and I do better here with my issues. That and I don’t need anything or money.

As long as you work smart and can figure out how to let your money work for you then you will be ok. Good luck and don’t let anyone put you down