what is my husband's condition?

Wolfy- wrote:Hi there, just-tonight!

First, welcome to the forums. I hope your time here is beneficial! Second, what you're going through sounds horrifying.

Has your husband always displayed these sort of traits towards you? Intimidation, domination? Or has it just been since the wedding night that he's been particularly violent? How long have you known one another / been dating / been married? I'm just hoping to get a better grasp at what's going on.

What I do know is I agree with the others here, it sounds like rape.

I am recently married, and my husband asked me direct permission 1.) before removing any and every article of clothing and 2.) prior to our consummation, out of respect for my boundaries, to make sure it was absolutely okay to proceed.

I was blessed in that regard, and it honestly angers me you didn't get to experience that...marital bliss...the way I did! Your husband stole what should have been a moment of true unity.

With that in mind, marriage doesn't give free reign to sexual activity. It's still something that both parties are to agree upon. Sex is something to enjoy, cherish and celebrate!

i agree with every word you said but the thing is he hasn't always been like that i have met him in a college party,i was amazed by the fact that he was Finn and i'm half Finn myself so we started dating he was so nice and caring and would always show up when i needed him he was like a best friend except he was my BF and what made me fall even deeper the fact that he agreed to respect my boundaries and not have sex not even oral not nothing till after I'm married he respected that and kept his distance in a physical way but he would always give me the impression that he wants to make love to me so bad he wouldn't say it but i could see it in his eyes he wasn't checking me out or anything but if i accidentally brush against him he would smile and i could see he would be very happy. he was never violent except for one time a guy friend of mine pushed me in a fight it wasn't even that huge he was just upset and then my husband (BF at the time) attacked him and broke his nose and kept punching him i remember it was scary he acted like an animal literally he just punched him and went on top of him and kept punching him in a hysterical way that was the first time i saw him act like that. and then on our first night i was utterly shocked by what he did it was like he was a robot or a monster his face it was like he had no empathy for my pleads or cries and just changing positions and after he would ejaculate he would force me to give him oral then go back at it again and that was my first time and when i confronted him the next day he said he hadn't had any sex cuz he was waiting for me and that he was glad he waited. he said it in a way that didn't make me feel flattered but scared he was smiling that creepy smile like WOW i married a psycho what is that?

-- Sun Dec 28, 2014 4:11 pm --

shockley123 wrote:Would you mind sharing your husband's cultural-ethnic background? Some cultures would not view his behavior as even mentionable - like say Taliban as one well-known culture. I in no way condone his behavior, I ask this to gain insight to his main culture of influence in his development.

just-tonight wrote:i agree with every word you said but the thing is he hasn't always been like that i have met him in a college party,i was amazed by the fact that he was Finn and i'm half Finn myself so we started dating he was so nice and caring and would always show up when i needed him he was like a best friend except he was my BF and what made me fall even deeper the fact that he agreed to respect my boundaries and not have sex not even oral not nothing till after I'm married he respected that and kept his distance in a physical way but he would always give me the impression that he wants to make love to me so bad he wouldn't say it but i could see it in his eyes he wasn't checking me out or anything but if i accidentally brush against him he would smile and i could see he would be very happy. he was never violent except for one time a guy friend of mine pushed me in a fight it wasn't even that huge he was just upset and then my husband (BF at the time) attacked him and broke his nose and kept punching him i remember it was scary he acted like an animal literally he just punched him and went on top of him and kept punching him in a hysterical way that was the first time i saw him act like that. and then on our first night i was utterly shocked by what he did it was like he was a robot or a monster his face it was like he had no empathy for my pleads or cries and just changing positions and after he would ejaculate he would force me to give him oral then go back at it again and that was my first time and when i confronted him the next day he said he hadn't had any sex cuz he was waiting for me and that he was glad he waited. he said it in a way that didn't make me feel flattered but scared he was smiling that creepy smile like WOW i married a psycho what is that? 

shockley123 wrote:Would you mind sharing your husband's cultural-ethnic background? Some cultures would not view his behavior as even mentionable - like say Taliban as one well-known culture. I in no way condone his behavior, I ask this to gain insight to his main culture of influence in his development.

just-tonight wrote:he's Finnish, Catholic and he HATES anything related to Arabs so he hates taliban and all this, you think Nordic guys are violent? many people think that.

ButHeartOfAnAngel wrote:

shockley123 wrote:Would you mind sharing your husband's cultural-ethnic background? Some cultures would not view his behavior as even mentionable - like say Taliban as one well-known culture. I in no way condone his behavior, I ask this to gain insight to his main culture of influence in his development.

I doubt that any of us here is ready to claim enough knowledge about Taliban as a culture
to credibly and conclusively state that for them raping their wives is a common practice.

just-tonight wrote:he's Finnish, Catholic and he HATES anything related to Arabs so he hates taliban and all this, you think Nordic guys are violent? many people think that.

babybowrain wrote:hi GET THE HELL AWAY FROM HIM HE SOUNDS LIKE A CREEP. i dated a guy like that before. he molested me and was very violent with me. i think he is lying to you about who he is. i am speaking from life experience. what is your profession? what is his profession? are you the same ethnicity as him?

Wolfy- wrote:

just-tonight wrote:i agree with every word you said but the thing is he hasn't always been like that i have met him in a college party,i was amazed by the fact that he was Finn and i'm half Finn myself so we started dating he was so nice and caring and would always show up when i needed him he was like a best friend except he was my BF and what made me fall even deeper the fact that he agreed to respect my boundaries and not have sex not even oral not nothing till after I'm married he respected that and kept his distance in a physical way but he would always give me the impression that he wants to make love to me so bad he wouldn't say it but i could see it in his eyes he wasn't checking me out or anything but if i accidentally brush against him he would smile and i could see he would be very happy. he was never violent except for one time a guy friend of mine pushed me in a fight it wasn't even that huge he was just upset and then my husband (BF at the time) attacked him and broke his nose and kept punching him i remember it was scary he acted like an animal literally he just punched him and went on top of him and kept punching him in a hysterical way that was the first time i saw him act like that. and then on our first night i was utterly shocked by what he did it was like he was a robot or a monster his face it was like he had no empathy for my pleads or cries and just changing positions and after he would ejaculate he would force me to give him oral then go back at it again and that was my first time and when i confronted him the next day he said he hadn't had any sex cuz he was waiting for me and that he was glad he waited. he said it in a way that didn't make me feel flattered but scared he was smiling that creepy smile like WOW i married a psycho what is that? 

just-tonight wrote:my boundaries were a little too much, we would hold hands we kissed once or twice but any type of sexual action was a NO for me even if it was for him to feel me up actually anything that was sexual in nature or would get me aroused we didn't do he wanted but he respected me when i set those boundaries. he never tried anything against my will then he would ask me first and when i would refuse he would be like no problem