what is my husband's condition?

here ya go right here

Also http://www.866uswomen.org/

First link said something about loans to travel back to US.

If you don't want to live your life a victim, the only advice anyone here can give you is to LEAVE.

Marmotini wrote:There's nothing you can do to make an abuser stop abusing you. Taking off his jacket after work, fetching his pipe and slippers, making sandwiches....no, see, that's not the point. He will not just stop because you become more submissive. If anything he may just feel more smugly secure that he has you under his thumb. Like many victims of abuse, you blame yourself ....but it's not you, no, this isn't a misunderstanding or argument where you could be more polite or understanding, this is just abuse, and you did nothing to deserve to live in fear of your husband's sexual assault and violence.

Your husband could very well be a sociopath. While psychopaths may be erratic, impulsive and show shocking low empathy, a sociopath can actually be very controlled, scheming, charming and have a "nice" public persona if they have the IQ and education to allow such a facade. Sociopaths run major corporations and organized crime, they are not loving supportive people just because they have a well developed public persona or because they can charm strangers and acquaintences.

Your husband groomed you to be his conquest basically. He was never your best friend, he was luring you into his trap until he had you, and after he had you, he abused you. That's why I now always warn people to be very careful with a person who sweeps you off your feet, seems too good to be true, or to avoid marrying too fast. ...because while normal people may also do silly romantic things, it also leaves a huge door for abusers of various kinds to walk through. Real love develops over time.

i don't know if i'm stupid or as sick as he is, i keep getting calls from my psychiatrist friend telling me to get the hell out and she literally begged me but when she hangs up i would think of what she said over and over then go to bed because i have nothing better to do in the evening when he's at work i would wake up in the middle of the night and find him sleeping beside me and i would look at him so closely for a long time just inspect him and every inch of him and i would catch myself running my fingers through his beautiful blonde hair and softly touch his lips with the tip of my fingers all i could think to myself is this is my best friend the guy that made me burst in laughter in college and talked to me about arts and literature and stood by me when i got bad grades and he would push me and make study plans with me despite the fact he was studying something else , like i feel so pathetic for doing this i should be rude and harsh and rough with him. i should treat him badly at least , moreover i should LEAVE but i just look at him sleeping so quietly and look at how beautiful he is sometimes it's hard for me to think he's ever gonna hurt me but when he would get in a fight with me or worse , during sex. i think i'm pathetic or maybe sick like him. i even had the guts to ask him to have a kid because i just feel so lonely and hurt and i would love to have a baby so bad and maybe that would soften his heart but everytime i bring it up he changes the subject or avoids me and i know nothing is wrong with him physically cuz i made him do a pre-marital full checkup and he is PERFECTLY healthy and could have many kids if he want but he keeps avoiding me till one time last month he yelled at me when i brought it up and said NO i asked why he said he doesn't think he's gonna be a good father which makes no sense cuz I have seen him with kids before he is SO SWEET like i remember our neighbor's kid back in the states he used to think my husband was his best friend he loved him SO MUCH he was 11 years old and my husband was 25 and that kid believed he was his best friend like WHY in the world he doesn't wanna be a father i told him he doesn't wanna have kids with me he laughed at me and said that he won't have them with me so i can rest assured he's NEVER having them with someone else i kept asking him why but i noticed he started giving me weird blank stares that gave me chills and i would talk and he would give no answer just stare blankly through my eyes and it scared the hell outta me so i stopped talking and looked back at him he was scaring me and asked him why he was looking at me like that he said very calmly like what , i just retreated back to the bedroom and kept crying the whole night and cried so loudly cuz i feel like a weak person like i don't know if i'm sick or what but i want to leave but can't get myself to do it, and at that night when i was crying i heard him coming through the room and lifted my head up and kept wiping off my tears so quietly he didn't look upset or sad for me he just wiped off my tears and told me to get some rest and put me in bed. i just wanted a baby i want to be a mother and i have NO idea why he refuses it so bad

Sigh. Baby doll, we've all told you what to do. Ain't nothing more to say. Stockholm syndrome? Patty Hearst? Those ring a bell? I would not give him a baby. Just saying.

Hello just-tonight, I am deeply sorry for what you are going through and I hope to of some form of assistance here, although I'm really not sure if I can give any better advice than what you have already received.

To begin with, I'm not sure if any of the individuals on this forum can diagnose your husband successfully. His form of sexual deviance without consent could make him symptomatic of many things, including Anti Social Personality Disorder, Sexual Sadism Disorder (a paraphilia or intense and harmful sexual deviance), and these disordered forms of thinking could be mixed with narcissistic tendencies, or other more uncatalogued forms of thought. I am not a psychologist- I am not trained to diagnose people based on their actions. And even if I was a psychologist, I could not correctly diagnose your husband without meeting him for a face-to-face discussion, having him complete an accredited survey and reviewing it, or using any other psychologically accepted fro of diagnosis. Unfortunately, reading his abhorrent behavior in an internet post from his wife doesn't really count. So, I'm sorry but I am not the one who can tell you what your husband is specifically sick with.

I can however tell you that what he is doing to you is no way acceptable in any way shape or form. What he is doing to you is not consensual. He does not care what you think of the situation. He does not care that you are afraid of him. He does not care that many things he has done sexually has violated your boundaries. In fact, he might even enjoy the fact that you remain in this situation despite the fact that you do not appear to consent to it: He might enjoy being able to control you so easily. As many others have stated, I believe that regardless of what specific diagnosis your husband has, he is an abuser. You are in an abusive relationship just-tonight. Your best option, despite the fact that you might enjoy your husband in nonsexual contexts, is to leave. Again, I'm sorry to have to say this, but I do not think there is any hope of "fixing" your husband if he does not want to be sick. As a frequent poster on the BDSM area of this forum, I also feel almost obligated to point out that what your husband is doing is not BDSM. BDSM is based around the idea of consent. You have not consented to your husband's actions and they should not be happening. And I'm sorry that they are happening and will most likely continue to happen.

just-tonight, you seem to believe that there is a way to "save" your husband. That you are going to somehow be able to bring back the incarnation of your husband that was your "best friend" that served as your support while you were in the United States- the man that you fell in love with. Unfortunately, I do not think that is possible. Your husband is an abuser, and abusers manipulate those they abuse in order to force or coerce them into staying in the relationship. Because it is obvious to me when reading through your posts that you have been so manipulated and coerced. You do not want to stay in this relationship, but you are looking for reasons to do so. You know that your husband is mistreating you currently, but he was so polite and nice beforehand. You know that you are afraid of your husband, but have the desire to stay with him out of obligation. You know that he is hurting you and damaging you, but you think you can fix him. Are you noticing a pattern just-tonight? You know... but... Unfortunately, this is the pattern of a person who has been abused and manipulated. So, let's break this pattern down into its two component parts: What you know, and then what you think mitigates that and makes you want to stay: The "you know" and the "but".

You know your husband is mistreating you currently. You know that you are afraid of your husband. You know that he is hurting you and damaging you.

But, your husband was so polite and nice before you were married. But you want to stay with him because you feel obligated to do so. But, maybe- just maybe- you can fix him and things will go back to the way they used to be.

Have yo noticed something else just-tonight? Because I have. The statements that begin with what you know are focused around your current situation. These are the facts- this is what is currently happening to you and has been happening since you made your first post on this forum over a year ago. These are why everyone, including your psychiatrist friend, is telling you to leave this relationship. Because the statements that begin with "you know" are all that we care about- they are all that we see is true. The statements that begin with "but" on the other-hand are focused around the past. They are not what is currently happening to you and are instead centered around how great things were previously. You want to stay because he WAS so nice. You feel a sense of obligation to him because of how he USED to act and how LONG you have been dating him. You want to bring things BACK to the way they USED to be by fixing him. Even though you have been abused, manipulated, coerced, etc. it is clear to me just-tonight that you haven't taken too well to his programming. Even in this state you cannot admit that your current relationship is what you want it to be, so you focus on the past. Is this a potential defense mechanism to prevent you from realizing what is actually happening to you? Perhaps, it is certainly a distinct possibility. Is this form of coping healthy in any way, shape, or form? Not in the slightest. You should not stay with an abusive, manipulative, and coercive partners based on what previously happened in your relationship. Just because the United Stated was nice to some Native American tribes during the Revolutionary War does not mean those same tribes should trust the United States after they had frequently violated treaties in the 1800s. You cannot base a relationship on past glories and have the relationship be successful. Additionally, and I really hate to bring this point up, you might even have to question if your husband was ever "well" in the first place. What if all the fun times you remember and his good behavior towards you was an act? What if it all was all part of his game to control and abuse you? It's possible just-tonight. However much neither one of us want to think it is.

The point I want to make just-tonight, is that your reasons for staying are not based in the present and they are not based on facts. The reasons you should leave are based in the present and are based on facts. Logically speaking, it should be an easy decision- but it's not. Relationships are not logical. Emotions belie logic and occlude its true purpose and meaning. As snaga2.0 says, all we can do on this forum is to advise you to leave your relationship. We can give your resources to help you leave Mumbai and return to the United States (or Finland, or any other country you have citizenship to or a visa for) We can post long flowing speeches that appeal to your logic, your emotions, or even our own credibility in order to convince you to leave. We can do all of this, but in reality we can do nothing to actually change your situation. We cannot force you to leave your relationship. We cannot make your husband let you go. We cannot stop him from abusing you. The only person who has the power to leave here is you just-tonight. I know it might be scary, I know that you care for your husband based on the past but please look at the present as well. Only you can do something about this just-tonight: Only you can make it stop. Medication is not going to help you without a proper diagnosis and without therapy. All the advice in the world is not going to help you if you do not do something. So please just-tonight. From the bottom of my heart, I am begging you to do something one way or another. Go to an embassy- sneak out if you have to. Use the links snaga2.0 has posted- most computer have a way to hide your browsing history through an "incognito" or "in-private" browser so you can use that if you're worried your husband might check the internet history. I echo tallis' sentiment: The longer this goes on, the harder it is going to be to leave. It is never going to be any easier than it is the first time you read this post just-tonight. The longer you stay the more you are going to be manipulated, coerced, and abused. Absolutely nothing your husband is doing to you is acceptable in my mind just-tonight, but my mind doesn't matter. Yours does. So, have you made your mind up yet just-tonight?

Best of luck, and best wishes for the future, and deepest condolences for what you have been through,

-MJH

This forum needs a 'like' button for posts...

MJH2013 wrote:Hello just-tonight, I am deeply sorry for what you are going through and I hope to of some form of assistance here, although I'm really not sure if I can give any better advice than what you have already received.

To begin with, I'm not sure if any of the individuals on this forum can diagnose your husband successfully. His form of sexual deviance without consent could make him symptomatic of many things, including Anti Social Personality Disorder, Sexual Sadism Disorder (a paraphilia or intense and harmful sexual deviance), and these disordered forms of thinking could be mixed with narcissistic tendencies, or other more uncatalogued forms of thought. I am not a psychologist- I am not trained to diagnose people based on their actions. And even if I was a psychologist, I could not correctly diagnose your husband without meeting him for a face-to-face discussion, having him complete an accredited survey and reviewing it, or using any other psychologically accepted fro of diagnosis. Unfortunately, reading his abhorrent behavior in an internet post from his wife doesn't really count. So, I'm sorry but I am not the one who can tell you what your husband is specifically sick with.

I can however tell you that what he is doing to you is no way acceptable in any way shape or form. What he is doing to you is not consensual. He does not care what you think of the situation. He does not care that you are afraid of him. He does not care that many things he has done sexually has violated your boundaries. In fact, he might even enjoy the fact that you remain in this situation despite the fact that you do not appear to consent to it: He might enjoy being able to control you so easily. As many others have stated, I believe that regardless of what specific diagnosis your husband has, he is an abuser. You are in an abusive relationship just-tonight. Your best option, despite the fact that you might enjoy your husband in nonsexual contexts, is to leave. Again, I'm sorry to have to say this, but I do not think there is any hope of "fixing" your husband if he does not want to be sick. As a frequent poster on the BDSM area of this forum, I also feel almost obligated to point out that what your husband is doing is not BDSM. BDSM is based around the idea of consent. You have not consented to your husband's actions and they should not be happening. And I'm sorry that they are happening and will most likely continue to happen.

just-tonight, you seem to believe that there is a way to "save" your husband. That you are going to somehow be able to bring back the incarnation of your husband that was your "best friend" that served as your support while you were in the United States- the man that you fell in love with. Unfortunately, I do not think that is possible. Your husband is an abuser, and abusers manipulate those they abuse in order to force or coerce them into staying in the relationship. Because it is obvious to me when reading through your posts that you have been so manipulated and coerced. You do not want to stay in this relationship, but you are looking for reasons to do so. You know that your husband is mistreating you currently, but he was so polite and nice beforehand. You know that you are afraid of your husband, but have the desire to stay with him out of obligation. You know that he is hurting you and damaging you, but you think you can fix him. Are you noticing a pattern just-tonight? You know... but... Unfortunately, this is the pattern of a person who has been abused and manipulated. So, let's break this pattern down into its two component parts: What you know, and then what you think mitigates that and makes you want to stay: The "you know" and the "but".

You know your husband is mistreating you currently. You know that you are afraid of your husband. You know that he is hurting you and damaging you.

But, your husband was so polite and nice before you were married. But you want to stay with him because you feel obligated to do so. But, maybe- just maybe- you can fix him and things will go back to the way they used to be.

Have yo noticed something else just-tonight? Because I have. The statements that begin with what you know are focused around your current situation. These are the facts- this is what is currently happening to you and has been happening since you made your first post on this forum over a year ago. These are why everyone, including your psychiatrist friend, is telling you to leave this relationship. Because the statements that begin with "you know" are all that we care about- they are all that we see is true. The statements that begin with "but" on the other-hand are focused around the past. They are not what is currently happening to you and are instead centered around how great things were previously. You want to stay because he WAS so nice. You feel a sense of obligation to him because of how he USED to act and how LONG you have been dating him. You want to bring things BACK to the way they USED to be by fixing him. Even though you have been abused, manipulated, coerced, etc. it is clear to me just-tonight that you haven't taken too well to his programming. Even in this state you cannot admit that your current relationship is what you want it to be, so you focus on the past. Is this a potential defense mechanism to prevent you from realizing what is actually happening to you? Perhaps, it is certainly a distinct possibility. Is this form of coping healthy in any way, shape, or form? Not in the slightest. You should not stay with an abusive, manipulative, and coercive partners based on what previously happened in your relationship. Just because the United Stated was nice to some Native American tribes during the Revolutionary War does not mean those same tribes should trust the United States after they had frequently violated treaties in the 1800s. You cannot base a relationship on past glories and have the relationship be successful. Additionally, and I really hate to bring this point up, you might even have to question if your husband was ever "well" in the first place. What if all the fun times you remember and his good behavior towards you was an act? What if it all was all part of his game to control and abuse you? It's possible just-tonight. However much neither one of us want to think it is.

The point I want to make just-tonight, is that your reasons for staying are not based in the present and they are not based on facts. The reasons you should leave are based in the present and are based on facts. Logically speaking, it should be an easy decision- but it's not. Relationships are not logical. Emotions belie logic and occlude its true purpose and meaning. As snaga2.0 says, all we can do on this forum is to advise you to leave your relationship. We can give your resources to help you leave Mumbai and return to the United States (or Finland, or any other country you have citizenship to or a visa for) We can post long flowing speeches that appeal to your logic, your emotions, or even our own credibility in order to convince you to leave. We can do all of this, but in reality we can do nothing to actually change your situation. We cannot force you to leave your relationship. We cannot make your husband let you go. We cannot stop him from abusing you. The only person who has the power to leave here is you just-tonight. I know it might be scary, I know that you care for your husband based on the past but please look at the present as well. Only you can do something about this just-tonight: Only you can make it stop. Medication is not going to help you without a proper diagnosis and without therapy. All the advice in the world is not going to help you if you do not do something. So please just-tonight. From the bottom of my heart, I am begging you to do something one way or another. Go to an embassy- sneak out if you have to. Use the links snaga2.0 has posted- most computer have a way to hide your browsing history through an "incognito" or "in-private" browser so you can use that if you're worried your husband might check the internet history. I echo tallis' sentiment: The longer this goes on, the harder it is going to be to leave. It is never going to be any easier than it is the first time you read this post just-tonight. The longer you stay the more you are going to be manipulated, coerced, and abused. Absolutely nothing your husband is doing to you is acceptable in my mind just-tonight, but my mind doesn't matter. Yours does. So, have you made your mind up yet just-tonight?

Best of luck, and best wishes for the future, and deepest condolences for what you have been through,

-MJH

I know that you guys sound so RIGHT and this is logical and everything but it's just there are somethings i can't wrap my head around, for instance , you said you're a sadist before i mean we all know what sadist means what the definition is , you get off by people who are in pain, and yet you said it out so proudly and you talk wisely so i said to myself maybe you're just like my husband maybe my husband is a sadist and it's OK to be a sadist cuz that's what they do. i know this sounds stupid but i'm no psychologist here you're the one who said you're a sadist and you said it like it's nothing wrong with it so what makes him SO bad and sick that i MUST leave or that he can't be fixed?
i want to leave him so bad but i can't the way he looks at me and touches me and kisses me , i KNOW he loves me so much cuz why bother do all this if he doesn't love me , i mean he gets so mad whenever he thinks i'm talking to other guys he's so jealous and when i told him before that i wanted to leave he tole me that one of us would leave eventually , at first i didn't know what he was talking about but shortly i found out he was talking about death like i would only leave if i'm dead or he is so i started yelling at him but he told me that i promised him to love him and the things i said on the altar and our vows he was like was it all a lie?
YES I WANT TO LEAVE but it's hard as ###$ not only cuz he loves me but i'm scared he might really do something to hurt me cuz he's so obsessed with me he thinks he shouldn't have ended up with me and i'm outta his league and i should have had a much better guy he thinks that all the time so now he had me he wouldnt let me go EVER. i didn't want to say this here cuz it will enrage people but i have to since you guys think it's OK to just pack and go. this happened last November, i went to Helsinki to meet some friends and a guy i have been talking to online, whenever i would chat with him i would stay for hours on my laptop and my husband didn't know about it but he was suspicious he doesn't think i would do anything with other men but he thinks i get friendly with people so easily and many guys would misinterpret this, that's what he thinks, to be honest i never did anything with any other guy but that time i was planning on doing so, i went to Helsinki alone he was busy at work here, but when i met this guy and went on a date i changed my mind about sex and told him that i'm not gonna cheat on my husband and we should be friends instead i just couldn't i didn't even got to his place to tell him i said it in the street before going anywhere, anyway my husband called one of our mutual friends and that friend told him that i left to see a friend in Lisalmi which is another city in Finland and my husband knows i know NOBODY in that town so after i got back next day to Helsinki to be with my friends i found a text from him on my phone saying " aion rikkoa niskaasi " which means i will snap your neck in Finnish. i read this and i thought it was a joke so i called him but got no answer that's when i knew it wasn't besides he never jokes this way but i was hoping for the better, i felt scared actually i never felt that terrified in my life i didn't know what he was going to do i was so scared he would kill me cuz i knew he knew i was going to see a guy and thought i was cheating or whatever i didn't know what he thought, so anyway i couldn't stay there thinking what he was gonna do when i get back so i booked the earliest flight i could get and left and when i went home i was hoping he would be having sex with another girl since he doesn't know i'm coming that day anything to make him as guilty as me or more so he wouldn't punish me but of course no, he doesn't do those things he NEVER thinks about cheating cuz he's obsessed with me and he's a workoholic so he doesn't have the time or the feelings or both, anyway i walked in and he was there finishing some work so i said i was sorry and i will explain everything, i was about to go on and talk but he took off his glasses and told me to give him his watch ( he has a habit of giving me his watch whenever i'm outta town or he's outta town ) at that moment i could hear my heart so loud in my ear , he took it from me and he didn't put it on he just put it on the table and told me to sit beside him and explain so i told him that it's a friend that i knew back in the states a very old friend and i went to see him , i knew i lied but i couldn't tell him i was gonna cheat on him, he said how stupid do you think i am? i started stuttering i was so scared so he was like " uh uh uh what are you trying to say? are you retarded?" and he slightly hit me on my face close to my eye and told me not to lie he said he was gonna ask me once again and i better say the truth. i was just shocked and paralyzed by fear i couldn't speak and he started yelling at me and i couldn't say a thing so he dragged me by the arm and shoved me against the wall and told me you don't know anybody in that town was that guy you were talking to before you went to Finland and why did he want you alone? i was like he's my friend and he missed me , he was like what? he missed you? but i told him i didn't mean it like that but he started slapping me very hard and many times and told me that he married a whore and was yelling at me i kept saying sorry and i was crying so hard but he told me that i was acting weird lately and he didn't feel right when i asked him to go to Finland many times before and kept slapping me so hard and told me how dare you talk to strange men like that i was here working my ass off and you were there going on dates , and i was crying so hard i felt i was suffocating i told him leave me you asshole bu he dragged me by the hair on the floor and got me on my knees and twisted my arm behind my back and said how dare you , he insisted on knowing who that guy was i was like i told you he's a friend but he kept twisting my arm behind my back while grabbing my hair and i told him to stop and that he was hurting me and i was screaming but he kept kicking me by his knee in my back then went and started kicking my stomach and legs i was screaming and begging him to stop and said to him unconsciously please don't kill me he was like who said i'm going to kill you, i told him your text he was like that's not how you snap somebody's neck that's how and he got me off the floor so quickly and twisted my neck in less than a second and told me if i moved it any further in that direction your C2 will fracture i went CRAZY i kept saying please no like 100 times and he was like you think there's a good reason to do it? and he let me go i was in so much pain it hurt me to move my neck to the opposite direction and told him i never cheated on him, he slapped me and told me to shut up he was like you think if you did i would let you breathe? i would have killed you REALLY and kept shouting at me saying i'm his wife and i should act upon it and should have respect to our vows , i went for the front door to leave but he pushed me away and closed the door and told me i'm not going anywhere and i should stop acting like whores and pushed me to the floor and told me not to sleep beside him he was like you have 3 bedrooms pick pick one and if you don't like it sleep in the bathroom.
you think i want THIS to happen to me again? NO he doesnt do this unless he feels threatened otherwise he's usually calm. now i don't know what is wrong with him but what do you have to say after what i just said? and what he did? maybe i deserved it i was the one planning to cheat on him if i didn't meet that guy he would have never done this , he's obsessed with me cuz he loves me otherwise he could have given me divorce and moved on with his life he's very young he's 27 , i know that's an unhealthy way of loving someone and i'm not defending him i'm just saying that he DOES love me but yes i want to leave from all my heart but after knowing this you tell me more about THAT guy whom you think i could just LEAVE.

Nearly six months after this original post, this thread is turning into either an SM novel or a NPD/BPD novel, depending on whether viewers think the OP is a Stockholm syndrome victim or the BPD side of a NPD/BPD relationship?

"...to be honest i never did anything with any other guy but that time i was planning on doing so".

Oy. That changes perspective. Just sayin'.

realityhere wrote:Nearly six months after this original post, this thread is turning into either an SM novel or a NPD/BPD novel, depending on whether viewers think the OP is a Stockholm syndrome victim or the BPD side of a NPD/BPD relationship?

"...to be honest i never did anything with any other guy but that time i was planning on doing so".

Oy. That changes perspective. Just sayin'.

what exactly do you mean by that?

As the forum rules have said, nobody can diagnose a member on the forum, one can only hazard a guess based on a member's info in a post. You have asked what is your husband's mental illness, so it only goes to serve others to ask why and what drives you to remain with an abusive and dominant partner. You have given ample amount of info regarding your husband, but nothing really about yourself.

Your near compulsion to wanting an affair with a friend in Finland and almost going thru with it bespeaks to something in your background and past. Something like defiance within your marriage, despite the fact that it is abusive to begin with. Something to do with hoping to trigger jealousy in your husband to see how much he "values" (loves) you?

NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) and BPD (borderline personality disorder) relationships are very common, each attracts the other for their own purposes. Each plays the other.

I could be all wrong or all right, but you haven't revealed much about yourself to make me think you really are the all-innocent victim here.

realityhere wrote:As the forum rules have said, nobody can diagnose a member on the forum, one can only hazard a guess based on a member's info in a post. You have asked what is your husband's mental illness, so it only goes to serve others to ask why and what drives you to remain with an abusive and dominant partner. You have given ample amount of info regarding your husband, but nothing really about yourself.

Your near compulsion to wanting an affair with a friend in Finland and almost going thru with it bespeaks to something in your background and past. Something like defiance within your marriage, despite the fact that it is abusive to begin with. Something to do with hoping to trigger jealousy in your husband to see how much he "values" (loves) you?

NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) and BPD (borderline personality disorder) relationships are very common, each attracts the other for their own purposes. Each plays the other.

I could be all wrong or all right, but you haven't revealed much about yourself to make me think you really are the all-innocent victim here.

uhhh... well first of all i don't need to prove i'm an innocent victim to anybody cuz unlike the BPD or whatever you just said i don't need sympathy from anyone i'm not here for sympathy and that's why i haven't told that incident until now when everyone kept telling me to leave not knowing how scared i'm and i have the right to be obviously.
and what do you mean by "bespeaks to something in your background and past. Something like defiance within your marriage, " EXCUSE ME, what marriage are you talking about? do you have any idea what i'm going through? and did you just accuse me of being unfaithful and disobedient despite the fact that my marriage is a living nightmare? who are you to judge me? and who are you to tell me that by reaching out to another guy after what my husband does to me is " telling something about my background"? THIS IS CRUEL, that was the first time and i didn't do anything with that guy and after all who are you to judge? if you were in my shoes you would have killed my husband next day of marriage or killed yourself even so WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE talking to me like im just a disobedient little slut who MUST submit and NEVER try to reach out despite the fact that im living with ..... a monster? i don't even know what he is
you really should scroll up or whatever and read what i said about myself " background" and think about the things you say before hurting people cuz some people are torn apart they don't need any more pain.