I just need to talk...

Hello fellow members!

I'm not quite sure where to post this...

I'm 22 years old, I have two older brothers and we are the product of divorced parents. They got divorced when I was 4, mainly because of money issues and the fact that my father joined a cult
and chose it over his family. Ever since then I lost contact with my father. Even on the weekends, when we visited him, we were on the same room, but we never formed that bond kids are suppose to have with their parents. My father was always busy with his cult's business and we were, most of the times, left alone. In my mind, I thought the problem with us was that we weren't spending enough time with him and that was why he was so distant towards us.

Well, two years ago, I lived with him for a year, we translated five books together. I felt he was loosening up (that was my impression at the time). He is still involved by his cult, but our relationship was not so distant anymore.

Last year, I went to the dentist and turns out, I needed braces. Of course the whole thing was very expensive... I guess I'm very lucky to have such a loving and supportive mom, 'cause when I asked my father for some financial help, he declined the request with a big grin, claiming he didn't have any money (always his excuse).

I must admit I'm stupid: I actually thought that that year we spent together had made such a big difference to him as it made to me, but I was wrong. I spent this last year struggling with myself -
I don't want to hate him, but I can't love him anymore... Does that make me such a bad daughter?

I can't discuss this with my mom (although she is well aware of his indifference) I don't want this subject to be a motive for more fights betwen them... my brothers seem to respond to my father's indifference with a shrug...

This Saturday I'm going to be 23. My father is going to send me his usual gift (a birthday e-mail) and... I
don't know what to tell him...

Thanks for listening, I just really needed to talk to someone about this.

You translated books What did you translate the from and too??

I think it only matters a little bit if the year you guys spent together didnt make a difference to him. It made one to you and you will always have those memories and will always remeber it so dont feel like it was a waste or something because it sounds like you liked ti and had fun.

I dont think it would make a you a bad daughter. As long as you tried to love him its fine.

We translated five books of Astrology from english to portuguese.

Soul_Searcher,

I think maybe your own father's relationship with his parents may be a clue as to how he relates to his children.

I divorced my children's father when they were 5, 3, and 1. (Boy, girl, boy). Anyway, my husband has always been harsh and a little indifferent to our daughter as opposed to our sons. Where the boys stand up to him and back-talk, my daughter always tries to be the perfect daughter. (They are now 18, 15 and 13). No matter how hard she tries, he just will not show his love to her the way he should.

Their father was always in trouble growing up, but his sister could do no wrong. I believe he sees our daughter the same way as he saw his sister.

Please do not blame yourself. Just know that you are being the best daughter you can be. Just because he is your father doesn't mean you have to love him. Cherish any good feelings you may have for him and let the rest go. He is the one that is losing out.