Hello I am new

My name is Jennifer..im 24 and live in lancashire uk.I think i need some help and stumbled across this forum whilst trying to find out how to section myself...I am not sure where to start or what is wrong with me,but at the momnet I wish someone would section me, as I belive I am a danger to myself and others.
I have always known mentaly unstable people and helped them,all my life I have done this in one way or another,with my paretns,friends, co workers etc, and I have always conciously 'known' I would never be like that.No matter what life has given me, I have always been very happy..frightened sometimes,but happy with myself.
recently this has all changed.I now cannot sleep, am constantly panicky,soemtiems hyper,sometimes so tired I feel I cannot move,sometimes am confused abotu what is going on in daily things,almost as if its in slow motion,am very upset and cry alll the time, every day,sometimes if there are no tears obvious I am still crying.,..my memory has become very bad, and I used to have a very good memory indeed...so much so that people prasied me on it.
I am not sure what to do.I think I know what caused it to begin but its a veeeery long story.
I wouldnt know how to get help,I want it because I do not want to be like this anymore.I have never,ever had an anger problem,in fact I absolutely hate anger and seek to avoid it, it frightens me,but recently I have been so angry I have thrown things around the living room until the whole room is smashed,I have wanted to hit people,I darent go out with my friends as alchohol makes it worse, I have considered suicide,but i know how selfish itis.I get so annoyed with myself because I have such a perfect life...and I am mad that I can no longer appreciate its value.My parents are rich and have bought me a house to live in so I haveno outgoigns.Im physically attractive.I have friends who love me, im doing a masters degree..on the surface I should be the happiest woman alive:(i feel so stupid and ungrateful.I think I want to be sectioned, I do not feel I can cope, and I do not really want to die..I am not scared of death,but by saying that I do not want to die I guess I imply there may be light at the end of it...but im so scared.I just do not know what to do at all:(
I guess thatsd about all ...I am sorry for the long introduction an its nice to 'meet' you.

Hi Festered-

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I know that right now you feel desperate and don't know what to do. I think that in the bottom of your heart you know that killing yourself won't make the situation better. Suicide is not a solution and if you are at the lowest point possible, then it can only get better.

In regards to your emotions being all over the place, maybe you need to see someone that can help you. Maybe you need medicaiton - I don't know. But talking with someone, even writing here helps. You need to find out why you are feeling this way in order to try to solve the situation. I have been at the point you are now. Too much stuff in life happened and I didn't know how to deal with everything. And like you, on the outside, everyone thought all was fine, but inside I was desperate.

You can write to me if you like and I help you in any way I can. Be patient with yourself.
-Forgotten

hey festered........i can feel your pain, i have been through a lot of what you are describing, you are not alone in this. from the outside looking in you would also think that i had nothing to be unhappy about but unfortunately pain like this does not care about the outside or things external to us. This is about how we feel about ourselves and how we think and perceive things. Our thinking can slowly but surely become quite irrational which can lead to feelings like you express. It sounds to me like you are suffering from some form of depression and anxiety. I would highly recommend seeing a pyschologist or counselor and discuss your feelings. You can work this out before it gets worse. Dont be embarassed about getting help, so many people feel this way, think of it like having a cold and going to the doctor. if u dont like the pyschologist then look for a new one, there are people and places that can help you. forums like this help, talking to anyone u can about how u feel helps, write in a journal maybe or meditate. anything that can expose your problem, shine a light on it will help make it go away. its when we hide these things deep within us that they fester and get worse. i'm curious, what does sectioned mean? u used that word a few times. anyhow good luck, you are not alone in this, and hopefully u feel better soon.

Is there something that is pressuring you in your life? Are you adding more pressure to yourself because you think you're supposed to be "happy" since you have a "perfect life"?

Nothing is perfect. We all have our ups and downs. We live in a time where everything causes so much frustration.Talking about things helps to vent out a lot. do you have a close friend, or a supportive family member?

I do suggest however you seek a professional for managing your anger and sleep patterns. Good luck.

Hi Jennifer,

You actually sound depressed from what you've written. One of my closest friends has just been through a very similar experience, and found treatment with anti-depressants and a good therapist really helpful. He had just been through a hard year, and didn't realise the effect it was having on him. He too had serious anxiety with it - he suffered panic attacks in which he thought that everyone else knew what he was thinking and feeling and couldn't understand why they didn't help him.

I think your first step needs to be to see your GP, and get him to refer you to someone you can talk to. talking through what might be happening or has happened recently that might make you feel this way is a good start. In my friend's case it was down to going from an abusive relationship in which he had no freedom or support to a good one, and the difficulties that change brought in adjusting to it, followed by his wife losing a baby. He just found it impossible to deal with it all at once, but as he talked his way through it he did start to feel much better very soon.

Sometimes what causes us to feel this way isn't obvious at all. Talking to someone who can help you work it out is invaluable. They can also help you find ways to deal with the anger you feel, and the panic, so that you feel more in control of your feelings again.

Try not to worry too much. You're not going crazy, and this will get better. Keep looking forwards, and go see your doctor. And have some big hugs too.

I've lived with much of the same thing for all my life. It is easy to say "see a professional" or advise medications for this and that, but the truth is that many do not have the means to seek these things. If you have no money and beauty, no one is going to help you with anything.

I've been to so many professionals who charge $3 a minute and have been no help at all. I am alwasy diagnosed with whatever happens to be thier specialty. Mental illness is a gray science that I could never understand. There is no way I can ever afford any kind of real help.

I am now 50 years old. I live alone, i never leave the house except to go work or to walmart late at night. I never speak to anyone when I can somehow avoid it. I wished I was dead 40 years ago and that has never changed. I just live with the thought like it is the firehose behind the glass in the stairwell. I often wish I took out the axe decades ago.

letters444 - I am so sorry things worked out this way for you.

Jennifer (and I) live in the UK, where we have access to help for free. I don't pay to see my psychiatrist, or my keyworker, and referral to therapists and for other types of help rarely cost either. That's why I say Jennifer needs to see her GP - because she'd get help from mental health sevices and wouldn't be expected to pay for it.

The downside of course is that we're not always able to 'shop around' for a therapist we get on with, but we do get help in the UK (and usually a good standard of help too) whether we have money or not. Those with low income or no income are not expected to pay for prescriptions either, so being unable to afford medication if or when it's needed is not usually an issue.

I really feel for you. I wish there was something I could say to help. My thoughts are with you.

hi all...
how is it going? im so glad i found this forum and you guys here. i have been suffering from chronic depression since teens and matters got worse when i lost my bf(we were engaged to be married) just weeks before our wedding day...since then life hasnt been easy for me... i am no more the usual old me.... amd most of the time i find myself alone in my flat, not wanting to go out or see my friends and relatives... life sucks!

well, sorry for the post-sounds wimpy...thats how i feel

Isme:

Thanks for the thoughts. All I am trying to say is if you have the means to get help, do so. Don't end up like me. In the US, there is a gap in the working class who cannot afford help, but tried to make a living and make too much to be elgible for government help.

I have tried to go to the local crisis center several times, but have been left sitting on a bench for hours, while illegal immigrants are rushed right in. This is by no means racial, but the facts.

What worries me is if I told anyone there what really goes through my mind, I would go straight to the county jail. That's the way the system works here, and always has. I spent a lot of time in jail as a minor, when everything about me was considered a behavour problem, even though I could not go to school without football jocks kicking around the retard.

The last ten years, I do what I have to do to survive. I don't make the rules, nor do I try. I live by what the world allows, and hope I never cross the line.

I cannot describe the intensity of the hatred in me. All I want is to be left alone. I know I'm ###$ up. I'll do my best to stay out of others way. But everywhere I go, there is someone who can't leave it alone. That's why I avoid people all I can.

If you can afford help, do so while your young. If you ahve family that will help you, do so.

In the long run, this is not a happy trip.

Jennifer,
I'm sorry you feel the way you do at present. Your post reminds me of my many bad times. I have been to hell, but now live a good, full life. I do a number of things to keep my thoughts from getting out of control. There are probably no quick, easy ways out of your feelings. But, there are many who have lived like you and eventually ended up with a happy life. I would like to suggest a few things to try.

1. Get a notebook and do some writing. There may be some things that are really bugging you that you are afraid of facing. I was told to write about the 10 worst times in my life. This got me to see my biggest fears. Seeing our fears is a beginning. They are often not what we first think.

2. Set up some sort of plan for some productive activity each day. Maybe cleaning a room or just the top of a desk. Or spending 15 minutes doing something that you have been putting off.

3. Get your body moving. Go for a walk. Walk up and down stairs for 15 minutes. Walking outside in the sun often lifts our moods.

4. If you like to read, get some self-help books from the library.

5. See if there are any low-cost, self-help groups in the area. Recovery, Inc. and Emotions Anonymous are two that help a lot of people.

6. Pat yourself on the back for every little positive thing you do each day.

7. Nothing else, keep posting messages here.

These are just suggestions. You do not have to do any of them. Take them as one friend trying to help another.

Good Luck,
Jim S